• Replies 21 replies
  • Subscribers 25 subscribers
  • Views 6856 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Possible to be sociable with Aspergers

Migsy

Hi

I'm new to the formum.  I have had problems with my 10 yr old all his life with very challenging behaviour which seems to fit with AS.  He is functions well though and copes just about OK at school.  I find his behaviour at home increasingly difficult to manage as he get physically bigger and stronger.  I also find his stresses and meltdowns hard.  

 

The thing which has always made me think he is not ASD is that he is very sociable. He has no problems with eye contact etc.  However, he can behave inappropriately and tends to hurt people a lot, for example, he will get angry when playing football and trip other players up or he might kick a ball towards someone's face if they do something he doesn't like.  So, he does have some problems socially, it is just that he is friendly and loves social gatherings such as parties etc.  He has plenty of friends although I do hear them having a word with him for his unwanted behaviour sometimes.

 

Is it possible to have AS and still be sociable and friendly?  

 

Parents

  • It is important to distinguish textbook diagnostics from what actually happens to people. The diagnostic perspective is about "gaze aversion" conspicuously avoiding eye contact, but as many teenagers and asdults find, social necessity prompts them to look in the general direction of people's faces even it it means looking at their mouth or throat. Then the professionals deduce there is no gaze aversion.

    The critical issue is failure to get the information conveyed by other people's eyes and facial expression, but also failure to generate the appropriate eye and facial expression responses expected.

    I am concerned that you insist on him making eye contact with you. If that is uncomfortable for him, forcing him to do it is not helping matters. Indeed you could try sitting slightly to one side, so you are off axis of his face yourself (if his eye contact is poor it will be a vaild way to communicate). Or ask him what he finds comfortable.

    Some people look away to advantage the hearing without distraction of seeing. He may have found a group of friends who are accommodating, and don't get annoyed if he isn't exchanging correctly. But that may be the circumstances in one school environment. Also it does not mean that all his class contemporaries are so favourable. He may be getting a lot of ridicule or even outright bullying which, being expected to put on a brave face, he wont be able to tell you about for fear that you follow up on this and he gets called a snitch. School situations can be a vicious circle between covert abuse and the need to not react or "tell".

    If he is getting increasing peer pressure as well as disapproval from teachers his day will get more and more tense, so he may let go when he comes home.

Reply

  • It is important to distinguish textbook diagnostics from what actually happens to people. The diagnostic perspective is about "gaze aversion" conspicuously avoiding eye contact, but as many teenagers and asdults find, social necessity prompts them to look in the general direction of people's faces even it it means looking at their mouth or throat. Then the professionals deduce there is no gaze aversion.

    The critical issue is failure to get the information conveyed by other people's eyes and facial expression, but also failure to generate the appropriate eye and facial expression responses expected.

    I am concerned that you insist on him making eye contact with you. If that is uncomfortable for him, forcing him to do it is not helping matters. Indeed you could try sitting slightly to one side, so you are off axis of his face yourself (if his eye contact is poor it will be a vaild way to communicate). Or ask him what he finds comfortable.

    Some people look away to advantage the hearing without distraction of seeing. He may have found a group of friends who are accommodating, and don't get annoyed if he isn't exchanging correctly. But that may be the circumstances in one school environment. Also it does not mean that all his class contemporaries are so favourable. He may be getting a lot of ridicule or even outright bullying which, being expected to put on a brave face, he wont be able to tell you about for fear that you follow up on this and he gets called a snitch. School situations can be a vicious circle between covert abuse and the need to not react or "tell".

    If he is getting increasing peer pressure as well as disapproval from teachers his day will get more and more tense, so he may let go when he comes home.

Children
No Data