I am told that as part of my autism, ocd is in me too by many doctors I have seen and therapists. I'm not only asking you the reader personally if you have heard anything like this before but actually asking for ways to busy myself or to help, ways I may not have even thought of.
My obsessive compulsive thoughts seem to be in these areas:
1. Death
a. Wanting to die
b. Not wanting to die
c. Fear of dying
d. No fear of dying
e. Rather morbid thoughts like not attending to a loved ones funeral or "requiem".
2. Feelings
a. The desire for constant sympathy
b. Not being bothered to do an awful lot as it feels too long winded or simply put as too much effort and cannot be bothered
c. Anger and aggression towards specific groups like the police and anyone who I may consider a threat.
d. The desire to be given 'l abel' or diagnosis
e. Constant thoughts of wanting to cry, scream and shout.
f. Few thoughts of self harm mainly biting hard on arms.
3. Corprophilia - thoughts of myself, loved ones or random people soiling themselves. I have become a very angry person because of this one after suffering it for years, so feel this wad the final straw.
misc thoughts:
- even though I asked my Mum, I often find I have to convince myself that she or others in my family would attend my funeral if I had o e.
- I have thoughts of wanting to die, but in contrast I do not. Occasionally I feel myself have the urge to act on these thoughts. I don't really know that I want. I feel trapped and often find myself convincing that I shouldn't kill myself, but occasionally dwift the other way.
- I feel as ego like it sounds superior, powerful amongst others e.g. Sense of control. Sometimes it makes me feel good for a long while though other times just no good.
I have also been tempted to deliberately make myself cry and feel really run down. Eating and drinking can be affected where I cannot even be asked to eat or drink.
I hope you understand someone as perhaps I'll want to understand about me more if someone does already.
