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Possible Health Problems with Autism (Please try not to read if easily worried or upset)

Draco Multus

I am told that as part of my autism, ocd is in me too by many doctors I have seen and therapists. I'm not only asking you the reader personally if you have heard anything like this before but actually asking for ways to busy myself or to help, ways I may not have even thought of.

My obsessive compulsive thoughts seem to be in these areas:

1. Death

a. Wanting to die

b. Not wanting to die

c. Fear of dying

d. No fear of dying

e. Rather morbid thoughts like not attending to a loved ones funeral or "requiem".

2. Feelings

a. The desire for constant sympathy

b. Not being bothered to do an awful lot as it feels too long winded or simply put as too much effort and cannot be bothered

c. Anger and aggression towards specific groups like the police and anyone who I may consider a threat.

d. The desire to be given 'l abel' or diagnosis

e. Constant thoughts of wanting to cry, scream and shout.

f. Few thoughts of self harm mainly biting hard on arms.

3. Corprophilia - thoughts of myself, loved ones or random people soiling themselves. I have become a very angry person because of this one after suffering it for years, so feel this wad the final straw.

misc thoughts:

- even though I asked my Mum, I often find I have to convince myself that she or others in my family would attend my funeral if I had o e.

- I have thoughts of wanting to die, but in contrast I do not. Occasionally I feel myself have the urge to act on these thoughts. I don't really know that I want. I feel trapped and often find myself convincing that I shouldn't kill myself, but occasionally dwift the other way.

- I feel as ego like it sounds superior, powerful amongst others e.g. Sense of control. Sometimes it makes me feel good for a long while though other times just no good.

I have also been tempted to deliberately make myself cry and feel really run down. Eating and drinking can be affected where I cannot even be asked to eat or drink.

I hope you understand someone as perhaps I'll want to understand about me more if someone does already.

Parents

  • Hey,

    Thanks for getting back to me both of you.

    Yes, I understand it can be difficult to pinpoint the issue if I do not fully explain (if I understood correctly). Basically, I've never been like this my entire life (except the autism of course). I have however, taken out my anger and frustration out on people like I used to live with like my Dad who I do not get on with anymore. I was put in custody due to the way I behaved against him (with a knife). Worringly, I feel a sense of power, control when I am angry as if I am my own God.

    I should also mention this to you guys in case yourselves or anybody else has heard of this at all:

    I do not think I hear voices. Instead I imagine arguments in my head between me and somebody else. However, sometimes I can definitely hear what they MAY say to me, and what I MAY say back. This increases my adrenaline, then I begin to feel angry instantly and picture myself lashing out. As for what I visualise, again it is purely through imagination, again not wanted. Seems to me a form of intrusion as my CBT therapists have explained over the last few months. So technically, although these may not be the sorts of voices people may have in their own minds - these are the sorts I am definitely going through. This is exactly what causes me to feel the way I feel, without a shadow of a doubt. And this by the way, is without analysing it too much.

    I also tend to spend, spend, spend. It is retail therapy, which makes me feel great at the time but later, when I receive a lecture from like my Mum, it makes me angry towards her and myself even though, I know deep down she is trying to help.

    I am trying to find more and more interests as the days go by. I think of some, then again I do not seem to be that bothered. I still have two fresh tins of pencils I was given by my Mum weeks ago before I was evicted from my parents home.

    Drugs do nothing for me. Ok, I sometimes forget to take them, but it's pressure remembering to take them which frankly, I feel I can do without.

    I used to prior to Marjorie's input, be very fanatical about long distance running and still am - have thoughts going back. I am also looking into getting into kick scooting for much longer distances than I used to run as well.

    As for my general lifestyle, yes I do enjoy things - but usually I find they begin to be for the benefit of others (as I think) to impress, then later that is what gives me a great sense of achievement and enjoyment as others praise me which lead to me being happy nearly everyday.

    I like your four bullet post on intense interests, recombinantsocks. I'll think carefully over this through the course of next week.

    Thanks again. Sorry that my reply is a little jumbled up, by the way.

Reply

  • Hey,

    Thanks for getting back to me both of you.

    Yes, I understand it can be difficult to pinpoint the issue if I do not fully explain (if I understood correctly). Basically, I've never been like this my entire life (except the autism of course). I have however, taken out my anger and frustration out on people like I used to live with like my Dad who I do not get on with anymore. I was put in custody due to the way I behaved against him (with a knife). Worringly, I feel a sense of power, control when I am angry as if I am my own God.

    I should also mention this to you guys in case yourselves or anybody else has heard of this at all:

    I do not think I hear voices. Instead I imagine arguments in my head between me and somebody else. However, sometimes I can definitely hear what they MAY say to me, and what I MAY say back. This increases my adrenaline, then I begin to feel angry instantly and picture myself lashing out. As for what I visualise, again it is purely through imagination, again not wanted. Seems to me a form of intrusion as my CBT therapists have explained over the last few months. So technically, although these may not be the sorts of voices people may have in their own minds - these are the sorts I am definitely going through. This is exactly what causes me to feel the way I feel, without a shadow of a doubt. And this by the way, is without analysing it too much.

    I also tend to spend, spend, spend. It is retail therapy, which makes me feel great at the time but later, when I receive a lecture from like my Mum, it makes me angry towards her and myself even though, I know deep down she is trying to help.

    I am trying to find more and more interests as the days go by. I think of some, then again I do not seem to be that bothered. I still have two fresh tins of pencils I was given by my Mum weeks ago before I was evicted from my parents home.

    Drugs do nothing for me. Ok, I sometimes forget to take them, but it's pressure remembering to take them which frankly, I feel I can do without.

    I used to prior to Marjorie's input, be very fanatical about long distance running and still am - have thoughts going back. I am also looking into getting into kick scooting for much longer distances than I used to run as well.

    As for my general lifestyle, yes I do enjoy things - but usually I find they begin to be for the benefit of others (as I think) to impress, then later that is what gives me a great sense of achievement and enjoyment as others praise me which lead to me being happy nearly everyday.

    I like your four bullet post on intense interests, recombinantsocks. I'll think carefully over this through the course of next week.

    Thanks again. Sorry that my reply is a little jumbled up, by the way.

Children
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