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What could be wrong with me?

Laddo

Firstly, I'm just going to say that I don't think that this is an alternative to seeing a doctor or psychiatrist. I just want some advice.

Along with Asperger's and ADHD, I have suffered from depression and anxiety since early childhood. Now I am beginning to think there is even more going on in my head. I have very frequent mood swings where a very good mood could be totally ruined at the slightest thing. In fact, my mood only seems to get really low following a really high point. The past three years in a row, I have gone through a crippling period of extreme anxiety, social phobia and depression around April which will last until June or July. During these episodes, I try to reach out to all those closest to me for help but it never feels enough to me and I begin to lash out at them. I always regret it afterwards - it's like I become a different person when I melt down. Most of the time the advice is no more than 'Things will get better' etc which is pretty useless advice but I know they are just trying to help. I will also be chronically unmotivated with tiny bouts (usually when I'm trying to sleep) of feeling very motivated.

So many different diagnoses seem to fit what I'm going through - sometimes I think I might be bipolar, sometimes borderline, sometimes PTSD with repressed memories - but whenever I express these concerns with a doctor, I ALWAYS get the usual 'Oh, I'm sure you're just depressed. Let's put you on some anti-depressants and see if they work. Don't be too alarmed if they make you want to kill yourself'. I never get referred for counselling. As well as this, when I'm going through an episode of social phobia, the last thing I want to do is have to keep making endless appointments with my GP just to be put on another type of anti-depressant. I hate doctor's surgeries, can't stand sitting in the waiting room. It always feels like the other patients are staring, which then makes my social anxiety worse and by the time I get to actually see the doctor (usually at least 15 minutes later than my appointment time which makes me even more nervous) I am in full fight-or-flight mode and want to get out of there as soon as possible, which in turn leads me to completely forget most of what I wanted to say to my doctor. It's an endless cycle and it's really bringing me down. Five years ago I was pretty happy. Now I'm just a mess of emotion.

Any suggestions as to what could be wrong with me, then? Any tips to be taken more seriously by the doctor?

Parents

  • Ah ....must be just where I live then....for most of us there is little chance of meeting "a specialist in autistic psychiatry/psychology who can disentangle your complex web of symptoms - someone with a deep understanding of autism".

    Are there such people around??!!

    Are there that many GPs who will simply refer you for a diagnosis let alone and expensive consultant?

    I perceive paranoia to be quite common in autism. Indeed it was often confused with paranoid schizophrenia. One of the reasons for that was obsession about other people's reactions and feelings towards you. Which follows if you are not getting the best out of social interchange.

    I don't think Laddo is having a mental breakdown. He might be wise to get some GP advice on BPD, and I understand why he is scared to do so. Because health professionals find it hard enough to comprehend autism, the danger is he has a GP who instead puts him on inappropriate medication as a "knee-jerk" response.  It isn't easy to get sensible help fom health professionals where autism is concerned.

    Having difficulty understanding what people are saying, and being misunderstood by them, especially if they start prying and thinking themselves able to set you straight, is likely to give rise to feelings of paranoia.

    But sport amongst NTs includes taking pleasure in other people's negativity and self doubt. It ranks alongside taking the wings off flies.  Some NTs love to observe other people's discomforture.

    This is something I really do know about because I'm prone to it, and I have to be alert to spot it. My humour is often self depracatory - I joke to my own disadvantage. Some people spot this and play on it. The draw me into cleverly contrived discussions that end up making me feel more negative. As I say, certain types of NTs get a "kick" out of doing this, although it stems from the fact that a lot of NT humour is about playfully "knocking the other person down" verbally, to see how they react. People on the spectrum do poorly at that.

    So one thing Laddo needs to watch out for is whether his feelings are down to others playfully or vindictively manipulating his own low feelings for their entertainment.

    I agree Laddo may have to pursue the BPD line just to be sure. But he needs to scrutinise whether his friends are real friends. They may be winding up his social difficulties for a laugh.

Reply

  • Ah ....must be just where I live then....for most of us there is little chance of meeting "a specialist in autistic psychiatry/psychology who can disentangle your complex web of symptoms - someone with a deep understanding of autism".

    Are there such people around??!!

    Are there that many GPs who will simply refer you for a diagnosis let alone and expensive consultant?

    I perceive paranoia to be quite common in autism. Indeed it was often confused with paranoid schizophrenia. One of the reasons for that was obsession about other people's reactions and feelings towards you. Which follows if you are not getting the best out of social interchange.

    I don't think Laddo is having a mental breakdown. He might be wise to get some GP advice on BPD, and I understand why he is scared to do so. Because health professionals find it hard enough to comprehend autism, the danger is he has a GP who instead puts him on inappropriate medication as a "knee-jerk" response.  It isn't easy to get sensible help fom health professionals where autism is concerned.

    Having difficulty understanding what people are saying, and being misunderstood by them, especially if they start prying and thinking themselves able to set you straight, is likely to give rise to feelings of paranoia.

    But sport amongst NTs includes taking pleasure in other people's negativity and self doubt. It ranks alongside taking the wings off flies.  Some NTs love to observe other people's discomforture.

    This is something I really do know about because I'm prone to it, and I have to be alert to spot it. My humour is often self depracatory - I joke to my own disadvantage. Some people spot this and play on it. The draw me into cleverly contrived discussions that end up making me feel more negative. As I say, certain types of NTs get a "kick" out of doing this, although it stems from the fact that a lot of NT humour is about playfully "knocking the other person down" verbally, to see how they react. People on the spectrum do poorly at that.

    So one thing Laddo needs to watch out for is whether his feelings are down to others playfully or vindictively manipulating his own low feelings for their entertainment.

    I agree Laddo may have to pursue the BPD line just to be sure. But he needs to scrutinise whether his friends are real friends. They may be winding up his social difficulties for a laugh.

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