Abuse from NHS nurses.

Sad and also a little angry that you've had that long to wait to be properly diagnosed and supported.

Glad and happy that you are OK with life now Miss.Omnivore99 

I've found, like yourself, that I can understand myself better thro' the lens of autism since being diagnosed 4 years ago aged 58  The sort of "behavioural" "meltdowns" that I have experienced, that maybe similar to what you maybe describe, are easier to understand and maybe even resolve.

My experience is that people behave the way they do for a reason - I like other autistic people don't have the "automatic working out" of what to say or do in social context perhaps and so trying to work out that reason why is the way my mind works...

Some people - maybe those staff that you mentioned - automatically "short-cut" the working out and so the "behavioural" tag gets put on - as if it's something that someone really should be able to simply do or not do.  For whatever reason people in that hospital situation are meant to be trained to spot what is going on and consider the biology, the psychology and the social situation.  So even if they're not "angels" they should be able to stop themselves from demonising other people.

I read your decision not to go near hospitals and acknowledge your right to choose.

I don't like hospitals and yes there can be some potentially nasty people there as well as everywhere else in my experience,

That said if it was me I wonder if in future if I might need medical services and to not go could be something that would either make a new found pleasure in life more difficult?  (funnily enough that is my circumstances)

So I'd think maybe it might be worth looking at some plans for how to manage such things in future?  You mention that you are now getting support.  Personally (despite or maybe because of me having 25 years working in health care in the past) I now make a point of having a trusted person with me at important GP and medical appointments and if i was going to stay in hospital in the future I would really make a point of having clearly let the hospital know, both in advance and when there, that I am autistic and when times are hard I can find it really tough to "keep things together" in the way that neurotypical society might otherwise expect me to do.  My "mask tends to slip" accidentally (rather than me deliberately unmasking) under such circumstances and I can find myself being "more autistic" (I know that maybe seems a daft thing to say but maybe you get what I mean.)

Maybe with further support you and I and people like us are in position now to help "educate" those mental health and NHS services.

Anyway whether you're like me and do something to be prepared and defended in a potentially nasty situation, stay away from them in future or maybe find some "hybrid" way that is just right for you - I'm glad that you're in a better place now and also I really respect and admire you for being so open and sharing your life experiences with me.

My best wishes

Thank you for your kind words. I do have a great GP now, too. He’s one that normally deals with people coming out of prison on licence and that’s why I ended up with him but he’s actually brilliant. He said right from the start that he’s read nothing about me and would prefer to take me at face value and see where we end up. He is brilliant! He isn’t trained specifically in autism but he’s taken on board what I’ve told him regarding my touch phobia and finding eye contact difficult. He’s a real diamond and I’m so glad I’ve got one that will listen to me rather than what he’s read etc. 

As I said, I now have a great team around me and even my probation officer is brilliant. They’re all aware that I didn’t do the crime I was accused of and I think that’s helped with them understanding why I found it so horrendously stressful. Prison is bad enough for criminals but for those that know they’re not guilty it is like a nightmare you cannot wake up from. 
Having been treated badly to start with when I first got sentenced I was a nightmare. I just kept having meltdown after meltdown. After a while they realised that I’d be better at a quieter prison and that’s when everything changed. They allowed me to breathe. They soon realised that if I was left alone, I was fine. Being locked in a cell didn’t bother me one bit. I’d often be asked to be locked in when things got chaotic. They noticed too that anybody making a noise or the alarms sounding, I’d go straight to my cell and shut the door and draw the curtains and just sit rocking until it had stopped and I’d settled. They began to give me jobs off the wing and I became a trusted prisoner which allowed a lot more freedom to decide what I wanted to do etc. Although it was still prison, it was one of the safest places I’ve ever been in. I was quite at home there. There was a strict regime and everything was timed. Unlock, lock in, meals, etc. Although I missed my freedom it was not as bad as you’d think it was. 
They saw that I was ‘different’ and made a record of what seemed to trigger my meltdowns. That’s when they realised that I was neurodiverse. 
Things were put in place before I was released which took ages but it worked out fine in the end. 

So life isn’t too bad now. I’ve tried to get the conviction overturned and the last time I was supported by the prison governor but as it wasn’t a major crime or a life sentence etc nobody would take it on. 
It was the governor and an officer that took time out to drive me and my belongings home. That’s unheard of but they were really good to me. 

Since I’ve been home I’ve had two occasions when an ambulance has been called and the first time they persuaded me to give it a go. 
Nothing had changed. The nurses were horrible and were very dismissive of how difficult I found it. 
When I moved away from a nurse that wanted to put a name band on my arm and refused to let me do it myself, she got incredibly spiteful. She said I was “being pathetic”. 
I left and have never and would never go back again. I really would prefer to perish at home than go near a hospital ever again. 

Thankfully I’m a very robust person and have always sorted my own stuff out so it’s a happier life now than it’s ever been. I just think that the treatment of people that are autistic needs addressing and nobody seems to be doing any more than giving lip service. 

Really pleased that you have a "diamond" of a GP.   Personally it has taken me a little while to find one such and it really boils down to them taking a personal interest and taking time to see people as individuals rather than conditions in my experience.  I was taught "treat the patient not the condition" - that's tough because neurotypical  people can be really very neurodiverse, let alone being neurodivergent . hehe maybe they are too!

Miss.Omnivore99 said:

Although I missed my freedom it was not as bad as you’d think it was. 

This may sound awful but there have been a few times in my life when being locked away like that have seemed really attractive.  I've sometimes wondered whether a monastic or cloistered life was in part a place for autistic people.  Who else could have been so in the groove for so long to copy and illuminate all those books!

Miss.Omnivore99 said:

I’ve tried to get the conviction overturned and the last time I was supported by the prison governor but as it wasn’t a major crime or a life sentence etc nobody would take it on. 

That's appalling but I regret to say not a surprise to me.  Society is comprised of individuals but as Orwell put it: "some people are more equal than others".

W/r/to the nasty attitude of staff - I think that a lot of people in those positions are on a power trip.  I worked as a therapist - the deal being to help people re-empower themselves.  Some people think that health care is something they receive tho' - rather than actively piloting their own course with the assistance of others - such as your lovely GP seems to be able to appreciate.  Unfortunately some people in health care think that it is something they "do for others" rather than helping people do it themselves tho'.  That seems characteristic of the arm band event perhaps.

the old joke about I'm not going to hospital - people die in them! is maybe ok for me to share with you?

nevertheless I remain of the opinion that if necessary to go I'll prepare and do it as necessary - forewarned is fore armed as they say.

Meanwhile as that great autistic role model Mr Spock used to say:

Live Long and Prosper :-)

Really pleased that you have a "diamond" of a GP.   Personally it has taken me a little while to find one such and it really boils down to them taking a personal interest and taking time to see people as individuals rather than conditions in my experience.  I was taught "treat the patient not the condition" - that's tough because neurotypical  people can be really very neurodiverse, let alone being neurodivergent . hehe maybe they are too!

Miss.Omnivore99 said:

Although I missed my freedom it was not as bad as you’d think it was. 

This may sound awful but there have been a few times in my life when being locked away like that have seemed really attractive.  I've sometimes wondered whether a monastic or cloistered life was in part a place for autistic people.  Who else could have been so in the groove for so long to copy and illuminate all those books!

Miss.Omnivore99 said:

I’ve tried to get the conviction overturned and the last time I was supported by the prison governor but as it wasn’t a major crime or a life sentence etc nobody would take it on. 

That's appalling but I regret to say not a surprise to me.  Society is comprised of individuals but as Orwell put it: "some people are more equal than others".

W/r/to the nasty attitude of staff - I think that a lot of people in those positions are on a power trip.  I worked as a therapist - the deal being to help people re-empower themselves.  Some people think that health care is something they receive tho' - rather than actively piloting their own course with the assistance of others - such as your lovely GP seems to be able to appreciate.  Unfortunately some people in health care think that it is something they "do for others" rather than helping people do it themselves tho'.  That seems characteristic of the arm band event perhaps.

the old joke about I'm not going to hospital - people die in them! is maybe ok for me to share with you?

nevertheless I remain of the opinion that if necessary to go I'll prepare and do it as necessary - forewarned is fore armed as they say.

Meanwhile as that great autistic role model Mr Spock used to say:

Live Long and Prosper :-)