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Assessment questionnaire - mother backtracking!

stateofindependence

I have started the process of getting an AS assessment. Am F in my late 40s.

Contacted a private psychologist in the first instance for a pre-assessment, as I am too nervous to approach my GP without some kind of verifcation. They gave me an AQ and EQ to complete, and a relatives questionaire which I asked my mother to fill in. She is the only person who has any idea what I was like as a child. 

My memories of my childhood are pretty much textbook Aspie - extreme fussiness about food and the environment, unusual interests and obsessions, frequent tantrums often about minor issues, and poor social skills. I was bullied badly and constantly in trouble with parents/teachers for reasons I (mostly) did not understand. 

All my life my mother has complained about what an absolute nightmare I was as a child, however when it came down to the questionaire she balked at it, making light of my behaviour and backtracking completely. She couldn't answer specifics so I tried prompting her a bit, and one conversation went something like this:-

Me - you remember I was very fussy about clothes not fitting right, and scratchy labels? Tantrums?
Mum - yes but that's perfectly normal. I'm the same.
Me - I'm not saying it's a bad thing. But not everybody gets bothered by scratchy clothes.
Mum - I know, your stepdad doesn't notice. *And* he tucks the ends of his shoelaces into his shoes. I couldn't bear that.
Me - Then how about writing that on the questionnaire?
Mum - [voice rising] But there is absolutely nothing wrong with cutting labels out of clothes. I have a *whole drawer* full of labels that I have collected over the years.
Me - Perhaps you could write that bit on the questionnaire?
Mum - Umm.. maybe not. 

Then she even dismissed my food issues, saying "Oh, I was fussy too" and "all kids are fussy arent they", when in fact mealtimes were a battleground that I feel scarred me for life.

Has anyone else had problems with parents doing this? And what chance have I of getting a diagnosis without her cooperation?

I don't want to push her as she is elderly and not in the best of health. I would not bring her to an assessment as I know she would get very upset.

  • Thanks for the advice! Yes I think she is concerned it reflects on her, both her parenting and her own traits. I certainly don't want to make her question her own identity, as she is a very happy person with lots of friends and busy social life. 

    That is reassuring that some of you have managed to get a diagnosis without other people's input. Am compiling a list of incidents which is now running to several pages! 

  • Not everyone is happy to be associated with a 'label', such as autism, it's not necessarily an elderly thing, although she's maybe just set in her ways (we don't like change :) )  It's the same in my family, where me, my Mum, and my Grandmother (who has now passed), are all ok with being associated with autism and using it to explain to people why we are the way we are, but as for my brother he really doesn't like being associated with it.  It's been very obvious from a young age he's been on the spectrum, he was noticed about 20 years before I was, but he sees it as a weakness and doesn't like being connected with it at all.  Your Mum has been happy enough up until now without being associated with autism, so it's maybe just best leaving her out of it and just focus on yourself.

  • Diagnosed at 55 I didn't have parents around to provide the input, I did get an input from my nearest sibling.

    Your mother may be worried that your autism status reflects on her, and may even have read that parents of someone diagnosed may also show signs. Also people still seem to worry about signs of mental illness in a family and autism is perceived as mental illness, whatever is the official line. So she may be responding to fears.

    I like the bit about her actually keeping all the cut-off labels. That would hint at autistic traits.

    As others have said it should be possible to get a diagnosis on your own evidence. They might include a qualification that there wasn't parental corroboration.

    I'm well familiar with those attempts to make signs appear normal. Yes often non-autistic people can relate symptoms to common experiences, it is the overall cumulative effect and intensity that defines difficulty.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Completely agree with Pandoren. The absence of a co-operative parent doesn't mean that you don't have the condition. In my case, my parents have both passed away but there was no issue with the diagnosis.

    You could take your stories, that you wrote in your question, with you to the consultation. I think they support your diagnosis very well.

  • I'm 26 and I didn't involve my family members in the diagnostic process whatsoever. Two years on, they still don't know I'm on the spectrum. So, it is possible to get a diagnosis without her testimony.