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Issues with intimacy

emma1803

Hi,

I really don't mean for this to be an inappropriate discussion. I was wondering if other people had issues with having sex and what you did about it.

I really love my boyfriend; he is the person who can get physically closest to me in the world...most people I get irritated when they stand too close to me, but I love to snuggle in his arms. Unfortunately, I have virtually no sex drive and having sex makes me feel violated, irritated, annoyed, imposed upon, and just generally as though all my space is being invaded. I don't like him even breathing near my face. 

I basically pretend I'm fine with it - he knows I have very little sex drive so we don't do it very often; but it's still annoying whenever I have to. 

I wondered if other people have any tips for managing this or making it more enjoyable?

Note: I can't express my feelings about this to him because he is such a gentleman he would probably want to stop completely, but that's not the solution I want either because he won't be happy

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  • You can't make yourself be sexually attracted to anyone. If you don't feel that way about your boyfriend then perhaps your relationship should not include sex or anything that makes you uncomfortable. I completely understand that you want him to be happy but you shouldn't sacrifice your own sense of self for that. If he loves you, and i'm sure he does, then he wouldn't want that either.

    Perhaps you would feel sexually attracted towarda another partner. Or if not then it is Ok if sex has no place in your life. We live in a very sexualised society where this isn't seen as normal but a lack of interest in sex is more common than is generally realised. If you're happy not wanting sex there's no reason why you should have to have it.

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  • You can't make yourself be sexually attracted to anyone. If you don't feel that way about your boyfriend then perhaps your relationship should not include sex or anything that makes you uncomfortable. I completely understand that you want him to be happy but you shouldn't sacrifice your own sense of self for that. If he loves you, and i'm sure he does, then he wouldn't want that either.

    Perhaps you would feel sexually attracted towarda another partner. Or if not then it is Ok if sex has no place in your life. We live in a very sexualised society where this isn't seen as normal but a lack of interest in sex is more common than is generally realised. If you're happy not wanting sex there's no reason why you should have to have it.

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