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Issues with intimacy

emma1803

Hi,

I really don't mean for this to be an inappropriate discussion. I was wondering if other people had issues with having sex and what you did about it.

I really love my boyfriend; he is the person who can get physically closest to me in the world...most people I get irritated when they stand too close to me, but I love to snuggle in his arms. Unfortunately, I have virtually no sex drive and having sex makes me feel violated, irritated, annoyed, imposed upon, and just generally as though all my space is being invaded. I don't like him even breathing near my face. 

I basically pretend I'm fine with it - he knows I have very little sex drive so we don't do it very often; but it's still annoying whenever I have to. 

I wondered if other people have any tips for managing this or making it more enjoyable?

Note: I can't express my feelings about this to him because he is such a gentleman he would probably want to stop completely, but that's not the solution I want either because he won't be happy

Parents

  • Hi,  I can understand your problem but in a kind of reverse way.

    I have always had a great deal of trouble with 'intimacy' but have felt totally 'oversexed', that is the idea of sex and feeling 'turned on' has been overwhelming sometimes but the idea of sharing this with another person causes massive anxiety as there are strong social rules to the 'giving and receiving' of pleasure.

    I wonder, how do you feel about masturbation?

    If you do not masturbate at all due to no sex drive then this is a clear indicator of asexuality.

    If however you do get pleasure 'on your own' then it is an intimacy issue.

    That said, many people feel guilty about masturbation or sexual feelings for social or religious reasons.

    My family seems to be 'all messed up' about sexual and social rules ie Bi-sexuality, but really it's who you feel comfortable, or 'Horny' with that matters.

    Try to get some time to yourself to let your mind (and body) explore and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, you are only human.

    Try to think clearly if ANYTHING makes you feel sexual.

    If not then you may well be Asexual, in which case there are groups who can help.

    Good luck.

Reply

  • Hi,  I can understand your problem but in a kind of reverse way.

    I have always had a great deal of trouble with 'intimacy' but have felt totally 'oversexed', that is the idea of sex and feeling 'turned on' has been overwhelming sometimes but the idea of sharing this with another person causes massive anxiety as there are strong social rules to the 'giving and receiving' of pleasure.

    I wonder, how do you feel about masturbation?

    If you do not masturbate at all due to no sex drive then this is a clear indicator of asexuality.

    If however you do get pleasure 'on your own' then it is an intimacy issue.

    That said, many people feel guilty about masturbation or sexual feelings for social or religious reasons.

    My family seems to be 'all messed up' about sexual and social rules ie Bi-sexuality, but really it's who you feel comfortable, or 'Horny' with that matters.

    Try to get some time to yourself to let your mind (and body) explore and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, you are only human.

    Try to think clearly if ANYTHING makes you feel sexual.

    If not then you may well be Asexual, in which case there are groups who can help.

    Good luck.

Children
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