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Am I autistic or just one of life's weirdos?

poorlittlefish

I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and no meds have ever worked.  I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether I have a form of autism or am just one of life's weirdos.

I am generally fine(ish) speaking to one or two people, but even then struggle to make conversation as I find I ask questions but get none asked back.  However, put me in any kind of group setting and I feel like a caged bird, desperate to escape.  I will always be the one left standing alone in a corner.  

If I offer an opinion or suggestion people either ignore me (and later offer the same suggestion themselves) or look at me as if I'm speaking a foreign language.  I never seem to have the same thoughts or views as other people, I find it very hard to think of ideas to contribute and it's as if my brain just doesn't function like theirs.  I prefer to do everything by myself and don't want or need others.

People claim to struggle with things that I find easy and vice versa.  My IQ was tested at 134, so I'm not a stupid person, but I've always been described as "odd" and "independent".  I am not remotely close to any of my family and have always found it nearly impossible to express love or affection.  I seem to have little in common with the human race in general.

I think I'm always very polite and go out of my way not to offend people, but am told I can be abrupt or rude.  I tell the truth always and people seem to dislike that.  I get very annoyed if someone moves what's mine and irritated as hell by poor spelling or things not being done properly (pedantic).  I have a poor sense of smell and am not receptive to touch but I don't think I have an obsession with numbers or patterns.

Other than two people I write to occasionally I have absolutely no friends and while those I work with are pleasant enough they've never suggested doing anything outside of work.  I absolutely hate speaking on the phone and think of myself as a writer, not a talker.  I am very much a "details" person.

I did a test on the Psych Central website and got a score of 38, which indicated autism, but at the age of 42 I can't determine whether life's just made me into a total weirdo or if there is really something other than depression at the heart of it.  I feel that if I go to the doctor he'll dismiss how I feel because people don't like me telling them a different opinion.

Does any of this sound like I could be autistic or resonate with anyone else?

Parents

  • Again, what you write is so familiar to me. I don't know if confidence can be part of Aspergers but I definitely don't have very much. Despite that I can often appear cool and confident, depending on the situation. I was firtunate at university in that studies were very straightforward, lessons were to the point and most practical sessions I could work alone. Needless to say I rarely enjoyed the colaborative projects. Anyway, Last year I joined a foreign language course - I live in Belgium. I suppose I do myself no favours as regards isolation, only speaking English in a foreign land. Hence the course, but oh my was it difficult - social cooperation in another tongue with 15 people I didn't really want to be near. I survived the 5 months, just achieved my introductory certificate, but have not felt able to continue yet. I may try again next January for the second course. Yes, I hated it, however I still can feel the mental stimulation learning a language gave me. If you can, continue with your law course. Perhaps in group sessions, let others lead - sit back, listen and contribute when you feel like it. Tell your tutor your difficulties - I have always found them understanding.

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  • Again, what you write is so familiar to me. I don't know if confidence can be part of Aspergers but I definitely don't have very much. Despite that I can often appear cool and confident, depending on the situation. I was firtunate at university in that studies were very straightforward, lessons were to the point and most practical sessions I could work alone. Needless to say I rarely enjoyed the colaborative projects. Anyway, Last year I joined a foreign language course - I live in Belgium. I suppose I do myself no favours as regards isolation, only speaking English in a foreign land. Hence the course, but oh my was it difficult - social cooperation in another tongue with 15 people I didn't really want to be near. I survived the 5 months, just achieved my introductory certificate, but have not felt able to continue yet. I may try again next January for the second course. Yes, I hated it, however I still can feel the mental stimulation learning a language gave me. If you can, continue with your law course. Perhaps in group sessions, let others lead - sit back, listen and contribute when you feel like it. Tell your tutor your difficulties - I have always found them understanding.

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