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How to deal with having no friends?

Bob

It's been the exact same throught my life so far - where I always feel and assume I'm appreciated until I find out otherwise through hearing them talk bad about me behind my back or excluding me from group chats etc. I love talking to people and making friends but it feels like people just don't want to know me, I remember my autism team saying it's temporary and I've just had a bit of a bad experience still seeing I'm quite young but it's all that I know - spending so much time getting to know people and trying to fit in when they never liked me in the first place but never had enough respect to tell me to my face. My biggest fear is being a loner but it's not like I really have anywhere else to go 

Parents

  • I have this problem although it’s less of an issue as I’m married and he’s enough company for me. I will say this though, it’s really not that people don’t like you. Well not exactly. It’s that they don’t like the uncanny valley effect. From a neurotypical standpoint you’re slightly off, a bit strange, not behaving normally and therefore probably hiding something or being secretive or lying. That’s genuinely what they feel but usually subconsciously. They don’t understand what’s different about you and attribute it to the wrong things, even though they initially like you or know you’re autistic. It’s easier to be friends with people who are slightly on the spectrum or who are, for example, dyslexic or foreign. People with dyslexia are half in our tribe and half neurotypical. Foreigners don’t have the same social cues and therefore don’t pick up on our otherness. That’s my experience anyway. But please remember it’s not about you. They don’t dislike you, it’s the difference in you. 

Reply

  • I have this problem although it’s less of an issue as I’m married and he’s enough company for me. I will say this though, it’s really not that people don’t like you. Well not exactly. It’s that they don’t like the uncanny valley effect. From a neurotypical standpoint you’re slightly off, a bit strange, not behaving normally and therefore probably hiding something or being secretive or lying. That’s genuinely what they feel but usually subconsciously. They don’t understand what’s different about you and attribute it to the wrong things, even though they initially like you or know you’re autistic. It’s easier to be friends with people who are slightly on the spectrum or who are, for example, dyslexic or foreign. People with dyslexia are half in our tribe and half neurotypical. Foreigners don’t have the same social cues and therefore don’t pick up on our otherness. That’s my experience anyway. But please remember it’s not about you. They don’t dislike you, it’s the difference in you. 

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