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Changes to eating habits.

Racheal

Hi, 

I am looking for some reassurance or tips and advice regarding my (almost) 12 year old son and changes to his diet and eating habits. 
When he was younger he used to happily eat a wide range of fruit and meals. Over the last few months this has steadily changed significantly, he is refusing most fruit, (he will occasionally eat an apple) he will refuse foods and meals he used to consistently eat and tends to eat the same foods repeatedly. Encouraging him to eat breakfast is becoming trickier. He has recently been refusing to eat his lunch at school. He will often eat his packed lunch as soon as he gets home and then his main meal as well as snacks. I try not to put pressure on him but my worry and anxiety means I want him to eat otherwise he will have skipped breakfast then potentially not eat at all until 3:30pm. I worry this is too long to go without eating especially with the demands of school and growing. There have recently been a couple of incidents where he has also refused his main meal, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so just said I would keep if for him if he wanted it later (luckily he did). I don’t want him to also start refusing his main meal. He has had anxiety about eating in the past but this was linked to other triggers and I was always able to understand what was happening and support the other issues which then resolved the changes in eating (I.e. during his SATs he refused to eat but once finished he started eating again). This time there seems to be no apparent anxiety or distress for other reasons, which is why it is concerning me more. He is very happy and settled at school, I’ve tried talking with him gently that everybody needs energy from food at all times including in school to keep healthy and do the things we want to. I have gently asked why but he can’t explain to me why things have changed or why he refuses to eat foods he has eaten previously. He has poor interoception and I suggested he may not feel hungry but should still try and eat something. 

Should I be worried?
How can I best support my son?

What might explain this change in behaviour around food and eating?
Does anyone experience going long periods of time without eating and this works for them?

If you have read this far, thank you. 

  • Sounds a lot like a phase my kid went through, and forcing it only made both of us miserable. What helped us was offering a few simple options at meals and then letting it be, no pressure or praise. I also noticed after-school hunger was huge, so I shifted a bigger snack earlier and kept dinner light. Took the edge off foSounds a lot like a phase my kid went through, and forcing it only made both of us miserable. What helped us was offering a few simple options at meals and then letting it be, no pressure or praise. I also noticed after-school hunger was huge, so I shifted a bigger snack earlier and kept dinner light. Took the edge off for everyone and things settled over time.

  • in reply to zorro

    Hi, 

    thank you for taking the time to reply and share your experience, this information is so valuable. 

    I did wonder if food is something he can control particularly as he is getting older but I wasn’t sure. I try and give options for meals or ask if he wants me to buy any food when shopping but I think sometimes this puts pressure on him so it’s hard to get the balance. Previously, he used to get agitated when he was hungry or would not eat because of things happening but maybe as he’s getting older he’s more like you now and his mood (and hormones) affects his appetite. 

    Part of my brain says “it’s society that sets the rules on how and when we eat so it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t look the same for my son” then another part will panic “it will lead on to other issues, what do I do” 

    it’s reassuring to know an alternative approach works for you and this may be the same for my son  

  • Hi there - I used to behave in a similar way - had no appitite until later in the day - I'm still the same, rigid meal times simply don't suit me, and I fixate on different food types depending on mood... Unfortunately, this was overlooked as child, but I worked it out in later life. My advice is not to worry to much re this issue, as it's normal - just continue to talk about it in a casual way without pressure, as that can have an adverse affect. Maybe just let him eat what he wants for now and make sure you eat normally in front of him, as the one thing he can control in his life is his food choices, hence part of the reason it occurs at his age.

  • in reply to Nicola Mod

    Thank you for the response. I will definitely read through the links

  • in reply to Homebird

    Hi, 

    thank you for your response. It’s reassuring to know that your son is similar and the situation resolved on its own. Likewise, my son seems to spend a long time eating the same snacks before he changes it to something else! 
    I have considered an appointment with the GP but not gone down that route yet for a couple of reasons. I thought as he is not loosing weight and there are several foods he is still eating they may not be able to do anything at the moment.  Also, the big reason is I didn’t want my son to feel it was an issue/problem and for him to become more stubborn and refuse more foods. Once when he was upset he said he was going on hunger strike (luckily he went to bed then forgot when he woke up, otherwise he would have!) and the other day when I tried to encourage him to eat more for breakfast because he probably wouldn’t eat lunch, he said he wouldn’t eat more breakfast and promised to eat his lunch instead. I don’t think he would have done this and don’t want to get into making bargains and a big deal about food because it will just make it more of an issue for him. If he drops another meal I would probably book an appointment. 
    It’s good to know your son misses meals and still manages to function ok so maybe my son is the same. I just can’t imagine feeling ok after not eating for so long. 

  • I can see similarities between this and my own son which has caused us concern. When he was young he ate a lot of fruit. Now he eats only bananas and the only vegetables is baked beans. He also has phases of always wanting the same thing, then goes off it to something else for a while. This is particularly true for carbohydrates.

    My son also has periods when he eats very little. This can be linked to anxiety, or a period of exhaustion, although he wouldn't necessarily recognise that himself. We recently had got to the stage where we were going to suggest contacting the GP due to the small amount he was eating. We also checked that this wasn't related to a concern relating to weight, as he is not overweight. Then his appetite returned. If you were concerned, contacting your doctor's surgery could be considered to get advice.

    My son is now at college and often misses a meal, but manages until he is ready to eat a long while after. We do have snacks things around, so he can catch up later and if he isn't hungry at a mealtime and the meat product/ pizza can be eaten cold we cool it and put it in the fridge and he will eat it later. As someone who needs to eat 3 meals a day at fairly set intervals I find this difficult, but he manages. 

  • Hi Racheal, and thank you so much for reaching out to our online community.  I am sorry to hear that your son is having difficulties with eating at the moment, that must be incredibly stressful for you both!  I am sure our community members will be able to offer their support; you are not alone in going through struggles like this.

    While we wait for others to chime in, you may like to have a look at some of the NAS information pages, such as this one on Eating.  It contains a lot of info that I hope will be of help to you.  You may also want to look at this page on ARFID.  As well as this, we have a guide on Autistic Sensory Experiences available, which contains a section on interoception that may be of interest to you, as you mentioned this is something your son struggles with.

    I hope these links are helpful, and best wishes to you and your son going forward.