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Do people actually like doing hobbies etc., or is it all for show?

BeaE

I have tried various hobbies over the years, but it always just feels like I'm filling time, or forcing myself into doing things that society approves of. I've not actually liked doing any of the things.

The tiredness or anxiety caused by hobbies and 'fun' pursuits just doesn't seem worth it. Quiet crafty hobbies or reading generally just feel like filling time, and then I feel bad for not being out and about, or bad for not finishing a project I've bought things for and not finished (or even started...)

For as long as I can remember, I've devoted most of my energy to work or study. Maybe this is why hobbies are less appealing to me - 'living to work' not 'working to live' and all that.

I'm wondering if other people feel like this too, or if you actually have found things that are enjoyable and fulfilling? If I just keep trying with a hobby, will enjoyment for it arise at some point? Maybe I just don't know I'm enjoying things, like alexithymia? 

Any input would be great please, just trying to figure this out!

Parents

  • Hello BeaE.

    I hear you, it can be difficult when the hobbies and interests that we have invested our time into no longer seem as enjoyable, becoming a drag - I know for a fact, i've experienced a similar frustration when trying to convince myself to do the things I have previously found pride in.

    While I know our community will have fantastic feedback to provide, I would like to share some resources in order to potentially explore how your feelings:

    Autistic fatigue and burnout

    Focused and dedicated interests


    It tells you are certainly trying to find a way to make sense of what you are experiencing, which can be far from from easy - I wish you the best in understanding what works for you.

    Thanks - Zac Mod.


  • in reply to Zac Mod

    Thanks for the link to the very interesting article on focused and dedicated interests.

    I enjoy my 'special' interests, including this chat site, far more since I retired; now actively disliking 'socialising' even with autistic social groups. I have painful joints and always disliked driving and travelling, hence staying around home, looking after it and the gardens, keeps me fully occupied, without the stress of meeting new people or travelling. I hate hearing autistic people who choose a solitary lifestyle being misunderstood or ridiculed; ergo, 'Jonny no-mates' as a removals man said when I mentioned online chat for autistics. I do hope NAS will keep striving to get people to understand, that this is an equally valid lifestyle and also brings joy and peace, to say nothing of the expertise gained in this way, on a huge range of subjects - exploring all the wonderful varieties of experience of life.

Reply
  • in reply to Zac Mod

    Thanks for the link to the very interesting article on focused and dedicated interests.

    I enjoy my 'special' interests, including this chat site, far more since I retired; now actively disliking 'socialising' even with autistic social groups. I have painful joints and always disliked driving and travelling, hence staying around home, looking after it and the gardens, keeps me fully occupied, without the stress of meeting new people or travelling. I hate hearing autistic people who choose a solitary lifestyle being misunderstood or ridiculed; ergo, 'Jonny no-mates' as a removals man said when I mentioned online chat for autistics. I do hope NAS will keep striving to get people to understand, that this is an equally valid lifestyle and also brings joy and peace, to say nothing of the expertise gained in this way, on a huge range of subjects - exploring all the wonderful varieties of experience of life.

Children
  • in reply to Marianne72

    It seems to have been decided that humans are social animals therefore we MUST socialise. Not all of us want to be surrounded by people all the time, or even most of the time, we get told we should say yes to more things that bring us into contact with others, but what if the things are unsuitable for any reason? Should you say yes to trips to restaurants, when your diet is limited? Should you say yes to holidays, when you hate to travel? I think many of these assumptions are really damaging, what if you'd love to go out and eat more often, but can't? What if you'd love to travel but can't? There are loads of reasons why people find socialising difficult and being told that you "should" just makes life feel more isolating. It's great if you don't get lonely, if you do and there are reasons why socialising is difficult then being told you should try anre about as helpful as being told to cheer up when you're depressed.