Autism and health anxiety as I get older

Im not sure I i have medical anxiety but I do struggle accessing services. I have good understanding of medical issues and work to keep myself healthy so I dont need to access the services. 

Im not diagnosed yet, the waiting list gets longer and longer so I have to accept it may not happen. One of the reasons I wanted a diagnosis was to get people to understand how difficult using the phone is and waiting rooms often leave me unable to speak or understand efficiently. 

In the past I was treated and medicated incorrectly, I believe an autism diagnosis would have prevented this. 

For me this is the hardest thing about getting older. 

Thank you DormouseAtRest_25 

Thank you Kate Kestrel  

To quote Ram Dass

”we’re all just walking each other home”

I meant to add: I use the type of notebook which is sold with 10 dividers produced as part of it during the manufacture ... otherwise it can bristle with self-adhesive different colour page tabs stuck here and there.

Yes. The uncertainty is terrifying but I’m grateful that you told me of your experience. This solidarity gives strength and assurance.

Thank you - it helps me too to know that I am not alone is struggling so much with these things. When I saw your post I really wanted to reply as I feel so much solidarity with anyone who struggles in this way. It can be utterly draining. I like Ram Dass too - and for me being in nature is my most reliable source of comfort and healing. 
And yes - I don’t want to die either. My thoughts go to suicide only when I panic and feel overwhelmed - but deep down I know I would not act on it. I want to live. I want to live with less fear - so that’s my aim. 
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with a health issue at the moment - that sounds hugely challenging. It sounds like you have some good approaches - like you I think to have one’s focus on ‘being’ and living in the present moment is the best mindset to have. We really can improve our perspective and reduce our mental suffering - it takes time but it really can be fruitful. 
Thanks for raising this subject on here - so many people are dealing with this type of anxiety on a day to day basis and to know we are not alone makes a huge difference. As we say in Buddhism :  “May you be well, may you be happy, may you be peaceful”

This is amazing - thank you for sharing it. 

I am pleased for you Lonehare12 and because I have been able to help someone else :-)

We're here to help one another :-)

Best Wishes

Yes I do see the metaphor.

That idea of tending something carefully, bit by bit, without letting it take over really resonates.

So far so good….feels like a gentle and realistic place to be.

Thank you

 ️

Thanks Lonehare12 

In respect of doing thing in parts further:

In 3 sessions I've pruned the walnut tree in my garden over the past few days.

This is the 3rd year on the trot I've done so.  Learning from the experience as I go.  It's good mental and physical exercise which I have enjoyed.

I have had to be careful with the timing as walnut trees don't really like being cut back as I understand it.

If I don't do it tho' it will get so big it will be far too big for where we planted it.

It's getting a shape now where I hope it will be self contained and easy on the eye as well as easier to share our garden with.

The crown of the tree is now "lifted" to provide shade and a lovely citrus scent from the leaves which also dissuades insects from bothering us whilst close to it.  (oh and the "blessed" squirrels a meal or 2 but that's another saga...)

The tree commemorates the passing of my wife's eldest brother so it is symbolically important.  I want to look after it but I don't want it to dominate or become dangerous so I take the risk of it being upset by how I keep it in check.

That said if it does succumb to my best intentions I will be sad but I will have done my best.

At the moment - so far so good. 

Maybe you can sense the metaphor I am making here?

I figure that nature, as well as allowing one's thoughts to settle, can shape them and also be an expression of them.  :-)

Best Wishes 

Thank you

The one bite at a time idea resonates. I’m learning to slow my thinking and not take everything on at once.

I also smiled at the overfilled dinner plate comment, very relatable.

Arboreal therapy sounds lovely…nature often helps my thoughts settle too. 

I can't say almost dying 3 times were comfortable experiences, the worst was being stuck on a hillside in a gale that had rocks the size of my head rolling down at me and ones the size of my fist flying about. Obviously I managed to get down again, that was the second time, the third time I had a massive and sudden drop in blood pressure whilst in hospital, the senior nurse who came to talk to me about it aterwards was amazed that I was so calm. I told her it was nowhere near as bad as the second time and all I felt was that I was sinking into a warm brown place and that everytime someone rubbed thier knuckles on my chest to see if I was responsive I asked them for 5 more minutes, it was like being told to get up for school by your mum when you're warm and sleepy

I am confident that there are many of us experiencing similar situations post diagnosis.  Research numbers are not needed to impress this for people that in this group as I think we all "get one another" about it.

Thank you for your appreciation.  It helps me feel better to engage with others in this fashion - both to help define my own thoughts and experiences and to get a sense of value for helping others. 

Lonehare12 said:

 it’s given me a lot to reflect on.

I am told metaphorically that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.  Sorry if it gives you a lot to think about.  I tend to overfill people's dinner plates too, hehe something for me to think about there! :-)

As I have just posted in another response that I expect that I and others shall still be here if you want to discuss it more.

It's a nice sunny day where I live and I'm off to the garden to do some arboreal therapy :-)

I hope the sun is shining where you are at present.

Best Wishes

Thank you so much for sharing thisKate Kestrel  .

I really felt the empathy in what you wrote, and I’m sorry you went through such a frightening illness  it makes a lot of sense that health anxiety would deepen after that.

A lot of what you said about age, uncertainty and mortality really resonated with me.

I recently had a health scare where I didn’t know if a lump in my head was life-threatening, and my anxiety spiralled quickly. Now I am just waiting to see if they are going to operate because it may affect my eye it isn’t straightforward.

What is helping me is going into nature and listening to Ram Dass podcasts it helps quieten the noise and bring me back into the present. I am trying to live in being rather than outcomes.

I will look into Thich Nhat Hanh.

I also related to what you said about feeling suicidal at times for me it isn’t about wanting to die, but about wanting the noise to stop.

It helps to know I’m not alone in that.

Thank you again for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response.

Thank you for sharing this.

I really relate to what you’re saying about anxiety being less about illness itself and more about fear of access to care when it’s needed  that uncertainty can be terrifying.

I’m trying to hold onto the same idea you mentioned doing what I can and letting go of what I can’t control, even though that’s much easier said than done. It really helps to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

Thank you for sharing this.

I really relate to the loop you describe especially how autism and sensory issues can make doing the right thing with food feel much harder, which then feeds the anxiety.

The cup of tea solution made me smile sometimes comfort really does matter.

Thank you for sharing this. What you said about coping when things actually go wrong, and that it’s the anticipation we won’t cope that causes so much distress, really resonated with me.

Thank you for sharing

 I really appreciate you taking the time to respond