sorry if in wrong section - does anyone else feel this way?

Let me say something different. :-)

i don't think that panic attacks, in social situations, are really part of your ASD. They are probably a consequence but not inevitable.

Did that make sense?

It was only the bit about buying stuff without having a panic attack. In hindsight, i've probably got it out of proportion so I'm sorry for imagining something that wasn't there.

I'm a bit nervous about my next suggestion. I saw an article in a paper about Social Anxiety Disorder. This appears to be a treatable transient condition that can be dealt with by CBT.

Your description sounded a bit like that. Do you think you have ASD and have then developed SAD as a result of the bad attention you got from the ASD?

Azalea,

Oh, that's pretty unavoidable, the teachers and everything, isn't it. It's just that I see a lot of people who say that that they "always knew they were different" and I wonder what they really mean. I imagine that everyone who thinks that is thinking of it in their own different way?

Thanks for all the responses everyone. Interesting....

Azalea, i am glad to know that i am not alone. I like the idea of being an elf or something! Cool!

recombinantstocks, as usual you make helpful and apt points. Probably i am being black and white about it.

I think its worth noting that while a person does not become Neurologically Typical (you cant re-write the way your brain is wired) you very much can develop compenstory methods and coping strategies that result in an increase in social and general functionality that might lead you to feel more NT but that should fill you with a sense of accomplishment that you have reached a sustainably stable condition. It should not make you feel like an imposter to have had sucess overcoming difficulty.

This sense of not belonging, thats fairly typical of ASVs and grows out of a less than optimal ability to exchange empathy. I think the diagnosis is reasonable.

I often have the same thoughts. On one level the Asperger diagnosis fits 100%, but I have improved quite a lot over the years and can appear 'neurotypical' to such an extent that I fool myself!. I don't speak in the classic monotone, have mastered basic gestures, and I do have an interest in other people and like to ask them plenty of questions. I also have the ability to be tactful and refrain from saying what I really think to people when out in public - with my family, though, I am not so tactful!. But all of this has been learnt and stems from a basic need to fit in and be accepted, and it does not all come naturally to me; although my empathy and genuine ability to care has developed enormously over the years.

The other side of the coin, though, is that I am still very self-focused and egocentric in the way I have to be in control of social situations. I can renounce that control for a while, and try and refrain from directing the social conversation too much when I am in certain situations, but I do find it hard to maintain concentration. My mind invariably turns inward, meaning that I have to employ a lot of effort just to stay socially tuned, and this is tiring after a while. Because I have to consciously direct myself and therefore get tired, I am all too aware of the potential for social lapses, and so I am always on edge. The exception to this is when I am with people I feel really comfortable with, such as my key worker and parents, particularly the latter. I can talk about my interests at length, direct the conversation by asking lots of detail based questions, and am not so conscious about hiding my Asperger's.

Because I have developed so much, I do sometimes feel as though I have my foot in both camps, and this can be a good thing. I am very against tribalism and the Asperger's aganst Neurotypical mentality that some with people with AS have. But I am also aware of my difference, and this can make me feel exluded and 'other', which can be alienating.

To me there will be millions of different people with unique skills, some of these people have enough of a problem that it's worth classifying them as different. It doesn't mean that you are as different as a fish is compared to a fowl, we are just slightly different colours on the rainbow. People at one end, say the violet ones, are different enough to be worth dealing with differently. But evryone is just their own unique colour in the spectrum.

azalea, what are you comparing yourself to when you say you always thought you were odd? Have you lived another life with an NT brain so that you have got a valid comparison?

i always thought i was normal so I thought i was living life as an NT! It turns out i was misguided and that i am actually a bit different to NT folk. It took 56 years for me to be enlightened as to how the rest of the world sees me. :-)

am i bovvered?

not a bit!

Can you say which things don't seem to fit with a diagnosis of Asperger's?

Hi Lydia,

perhaps you are being too black and white about this? The diagnosis tells us that we are beyond a point on a spectrum to the point where we have real issues with some things. It is however only a spectrum and we aren't a different species to NT folk! We just have a slightly different mix of skills to most people.

does the fact that you want to be black and white about it actually support your diagnosis? This os one of the problems we have after all?