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Living in a HMO ( Shared Housing as an adult)

NAS92547

Hello,

Is anyone else here living in shared accomodation? I am an adult >30 years of age and have been in shared housing ( private rental) the majority of my adult life.

In my most recent house, I have really struggled with the lack of privacy, the noise of doors slamming/people have loud phonecall conversation as they walk by my bedroom door/ struggle with trying to fit into housemates routines i.e when I can use the bathroom and kitchen etc.

Its been very hard as my main traits of Autism which have been more obvious whilst living here have included....rigid thinking ( people opinions of me or behaviours towards me have meant see them as being unfriendly or unkind and so I have shut down and isolated myself)/ over-stimulation due to the noise and at times having lots of people in the kitchen when I wish to make food or get water/ frustration and irritability that I have been late for work or appointments because someone else is using the bathroom or whatever.

I just see so many barriers to me living a peaceful life and following a routine.

I have had a lot of nastiness directed toward me here and total lack of understanding or people wanting to get to know me to understand me. e.g how autism affects me, instead I have been the subject of bullying type behaviours ( gossip being spread about me locally ) and people mimicking me instead.

I'm not really entitled to sit and think everyone owes me an understanding or special treatment, but a bit of kindness wouldn't go amiss.

Does anyone else feel similar? Ive allowed housemates comments about me to really get me down and after nearly 4 years I have just struggled to keep going ( multitask working/socialising/eating etc etc), I feel very depressed and my life has sort of fallen apart, my self esteem is at an all time low and Im struggling with identity e.g am I a nice person or not due to having quite a few meltdowns throughout this time period as its been stressful.

Any advice on how to rebuild myself and my life?/ or anyone experienced this, would be helpful to hear stories about nightmare house share scenarios lol.

Thanks for reading

  • in reply to NAS92547

    The cost is the problem.  I'm on universal credit and the housing allowance doesn't cover my rent. I'm £50 short per month,  so I've applied and received a discretionary housing payment for six months from the local council to cover the shortfall.  I've now been found unfit for work and placed in the lcwra group, so I should receive an extra £423 per month for the next 18 months.  I've also applied for PIP, see how that goes.

    I don't want to share because of bad experiences.   As a student I had some hairy situations.   In one house the woman next to me was a paranoid schizophrenic who had just been released from a mental hospital.  And she really was crazy, knocking on my door at 2am asking if I had any dettol and plasters because she had gone for a midnight walk outside in her bare feet and now her feet were cut up and bleeding.

  • in reply to AutToFindOutMore

    Thanks for reply. Ah yes all sounds familiar, Im not very good at living with others.  Its the cost thats the barrier currently but thanks for the advice. Im struggling with health, struggled to keep enough work, it all has a compounding affect on life options I suppose.

  • in reply to Robert124

    Have you,open to sharing or all behind you now and would rather not?

    Ah that sounds so peaceful apart from the cost. Thats what Im struggling with at the moment, is working enough to afford a place alone. Rents are so high these days!

  • in reply to AutToFindOutMore

    I have had Plenty of nightmares living in shared homes.

    I now live alone in a two bedroom flat. So I have plenty of space.  Although it costs quite a bit.

  • I solved this problem by moving into a flat of my own. Before that I lived in a number of shared flats / houses. Some of these were ok, but others not so. A place could be ok, then someone would leave and be replaced with someone who stirred up trouble etc. At one place I where this happened I found it so unpleasant that I paid quite a bit more to move elsewhere.

    Also above a certain number of people in a flat, I found that cliques could form, I tried not to get involved.

    Best get a place of your own.