Worry

Hi Miffo, really wishing you the best, I'm reading your comments and trying not to reply in anyway that will hurt you, I'm no expert on worrying. I feel like reco's advise is very insightful though.

These are just my thoughts, I imagine you may have thought/tried many of them yourself but I share for good measure, it's pretty overwhelming so I wouldn't try applying all of it at once, in fact just having a read over and a think over should be enough. No thank you's please, just let me know if any of it ends up being of any use to you at all and all the best.

Specific 

It might be hard work but maybe try to define your worries as specifcally as possible? For instance what is it about your mum and her bad knee that worries you? Are you concerned about losing her care? Are you worried that her care needs might increase and you won't be able to manage them? Are you fearful of how things might change because of the bad knee? Does seeing her in phsyical pain make you cringe? Or more generally is it an emotional thing--does seeing others in pain overwhelm you? Do you dislike the doctors? I find just defining the worry clearly can greatly reduce it's power over you since less of it is operating in the dark. What you're doing now is helping with this, often just talking to people can help make the foggy more clear and defined, so keep up the good work.

Try to take more control

Also defining exactly what worries you about a situation can help spur you on to act, if the concern is about care then finding out more about the condition and how you can offer support might help, if it's more of an emotional thing learning about your tolerances and intolerances and how to manage them might help, if it's the doctors--finding a way to communicate with them would be the next step. This can make you feel good because you're active, even if the steps are very small ones, one step at a time you feel like you're dealing with a situation and being more grown up about it. At the same time you'll hopefully learn what is within and what is not within your control, you can learn fron sources including your parents how to support them with their health needs (as much as is within your power of course), but at the end of the day your parents health is their responsibility, you can not control everything--especilly when it comes to people.

What do you want

Now you know more clearly what you don't want and what to do about it, what DO you want (both pratically and in your heart)? In terms of taking actions, this is the better thing to focus on. I'd go as far as to say that if you did nothing suggested here except one thing, do this. Figure out what things or what it is you truly want and keep them/it in mind whenever you act, it'll teach you about yourself so you can be more self-accepting and so less vulnerable to attack from your worries and it can be a source of determination when it feels like your worries may out do you. Knowing this can also help you let go when you realise that what you want is not possible at all or given the circumstances.

Misdirection 

Finally recognise the difference between worries and problems. Well done that you've identified that worrying IS a problem. But sometimes a worry doesn't need to be addressed in the first place, sometimes worries can distract us from what the actual problem is and what the solution is or what matters. To pick an example that should hopefully illustrate all the points I have said, I had a friend who constantly worried about her family, their health, the house, their behaviour, the conflicts (they were not unfounded worries--not by a long shot) she could specifcally tell you everything that was wrong, practically she wanted a stable family home, (however in her heart she wanted the family she never had a child), she decided she would take control and tackle every worry from her families health to the house to well everything -- many various different ways over the years (however these are people we are dealing with and you cannot control/change them/people simply by the force of your effort and will), once she realised this she was able to let go, in the end she understood that she would never have the family she missed out on as a child and that the actual problem her worries were disguising was that she was both a /big/ part of the family drama but was too afraid to leave them to live her life on her own. Finally seeing the actual problem she moved in with a friend (which solved the problem--she was out of the family home but still lived close by and she wasn't alone) and so far the two have created enough hearth and home to fill a cheesy family movie (not eaxctly the stable family home she missed out on but the closest she's ever got) the space has also allowed for a lot lot lot more peace to develop within the family. Those worries cost her and her family years.

So to summarise, sometimes worries don't need to be addressed, sometimes they're not yours, sometimes they disguse other things, sometimes they just sort themselves out, while I recommend figuring out more specifically what worries you so you will be less controlled by it and more able to take control, also remember that you can't control everything and you would be better off focusing on the things you do want and taking the actons no matter how small to get you there.

Very long post, only hope it makes sense. Again all the best.

Hi Miffo, really wishing you the best, I'm reading your comments and trying not to reply in anyway that will hurt you, I'm no expert on worrying. I feel like reco's advise is very insightful though.

These are just my thoughts, I imagine you may have thought/tried many of them yourself but I share for good measure, it's pretty overwhelming so I wouldn't try applying all of it at once, in fact just having a read over and a think over should be enough. No thank you's please, just let me know if any of it ends up being of any use to you at all and all the best.

Specific 

It might be hard work but maybe try to define your worries as specifcally as possible? For instance what is it about your mum and her bad knee that worries you? Are you concerned about losing her care? Are you worried that her care needs might increase and you won't be able to manage them? Are you fearful of how things might change because of the bad knee? Does seeing her in phsyical pain make you cringe? Or more generally is it an emotional thing--does seeing others in pain overwhelm you? Do you dislike the doctors? I find just defining the worry clearly can greatly reduce it's power over you since less of it is operating in the dark. What you're doing now is helping with this, often just talking to people can help make the foggy more clear and defined, so keep up the good work.

Try to take more control

Also defining exactly what worries you about a situation can help spur you on to act, if the concern is about care then finding out more about the condition and how you can offer support might help, if it's more of an emotional thing learning about your tolerances and intolerances and how to manage them might help, if it's the doctors--finding a way to communicate with them would be the next step. This can make you feel good because you're active, even if the steps are very small ones, one step at a time you feel like you're dealing with a situation and being more grown up about it. At the same time you'll hopefully learn what is within and what is not within your control, you can learn fron sources including your parents how to support them with their health needs (as much as is within your power of course), but at the end of the day your parents health is their responsibility, you can not control everything--especilly when it comes to people.

What do you want

Now you know more clearly what you don't want and what to do about it, what DO you want (both pratically and in your heart)? In terms of taking actions, this is the better thing to focus on. I'd go as far as to say that if you did nothing suggested here except one thing, do this. Figure out what things or what it is you truly want and keep them/it in mind whenever you act, it'll teach you about yourself so you can be more self-accepting and so less vulnerable to attack from your worries and it can be a source of determination when it feels like your worries may out do you. Knowing this can also help you let go when you realise that what you want is not possible at all or given the circumstances.

Misdirection 

Finally recognise the difference between worries and problems. Well done that you've identified that worrying IS a problem. But sometimes a worry doesn't need to be addressed in the first place, sometimes worries can distract us from what the actual problem is and what the solution is or what matters. To pick an example that should hopefully illustrate all the points I have said, I had a friend who constantly worried about her family, their health, the house, their behaviour, the conflicts (they were not unfounded worries--not by a long shot) she could specifcally tell you everything that was wrong, practically she wanted a stable family home, (however in her heart she wanted the family she never had a child), she decided she would take control and tackle every worry from her families health to the house to well everything -- many various different ways over the years (however these are people we are dealing with and you cannot control/change them/people simply by the force of your effort and will), once she realised this she was able to let go, in the end she understood that she would never have the family she missed out on as a child and that the actual problem her worries were disguising was that she was both a /big/ part of the family drama but was too afraid to leave them to live her life on her own. Finally seeing the actual problem she moved in with a friend (which solved the problem--she was out of the family home but still lived close by and she wasn't alone) and so far the two have created enough hearth and home to fill a cheesy family movie (not eaxctly the stable family home she missed out on but the closest she's ever got) the space has also allowed for a lot lot lot more peace to develop within the family. Those worries cost her and her family years.

So to summarise, sometimes worries don't need to be addressed, sometimes they're not yours, sometimes they disguse other things, sometimes they just sort themselves out, while I recommend figuring out more specifically what worries you so you will be less controlled by it and more able to take control, also remember that you can't control everything and you would be better off focusing on the things you do want and taking the actons no matter how small to get you there.

Very long post, only hope it makes sense. Again all the best.