Never Feeling Truly Content

I'm my own worst critic, too. Contentment is never found; my end. Low-level anxiety.

I guess i have a different perspective as I'm really not competitive, the flip side of that is that I rarely feel any sense of achievement either. But it does give me an ability to ask questions about why things like wordly success are so important to so many people and how it's largely a trap to keep us on the hamster wheel of perpetual striving for things we probably won't get or be happy with if we do get them.

I think this you can do or be anything you want stuff is maddness, it's toally ungrounded in reality, so I could be an astronaut? Really? So age, scientific ignorance, vertigo, claustrophobia wouldn't be a problem then? Bollards, it wouldn't, so I get to be a "failure" with insufficient self belief because I can't change certain things about myself and even if I did, I'd be so old by that time my bones would probably crumble from G-forces and no gravity.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant, but this stuff does really annoy me.

Hi,

This is definitely a thing for me too.  Although I have worked hard and earned well-ish so that I do not have many material concerns, I nonetheless find it hard to be happy.  Anxiety stops me from feeling enough at ease to savour many other great moments.

As others have already written here, putting on my human suit and acting what I think the role is while constantly worry I'm not good enough and am being judged, taking every tut or roll of the eyes like it's referring to me. it's pretty draining.

I can think of only a handful of occasions where I've somehow being present in the moment and felt connected with people and my surroundings.

I totally avoid social media for that reason and don't participate in it in any way, I'm aware of how false it is which I think is very fortunate.

Unfortunately for me I find it very difficult being alone ALL the time, I read somewhere that there are some people who naturally are able to be alone and aren't affected by it at all, whereas others are very much affected by it, and it can be quite detrimental to mental health. I think its down to life circumstances as to whether your affected by it or not

Thats interesting re dealing with work stresses...

Thanks, your second paragraph is the mistake I make, living in the moment is the key to being a lot happier, or at least a lot more content

Yes, I usually get told the same by family too, one of the things I'm also often told regarding being judged is that other people aren't thinking about me anything like as much as I think they are, and that end of the day everyone is only really  interested in there own lives, I think that may be a thought process that separates NTs from non NTs

I agree, I wasn't sure which is why I wondered if this only applied to non NT's. I do believe this is the case with many NT people too, 75% of my underlying worrying and lack of contentment is related to loneliness but I think there are many people, especially nowadays who are striving to achieve an objective, be it in there career, or something they would like to own, or a holiday they would like to have etc, and then once they have achieved that goal, they will want to set another objective of something even better, and so it goes on.

I also think one of the problems if that nowadays, social media etc projects to everyone that you can have anything you want, or do anything you want and have a completely perfect life, which isn't always the case, and I think this kind of message can very much be the cause of that feeling of dis-satisfaction and feeling of discontentment that many people have. 

I'm not sure, as I guess I usually try to hide that I feel this way, so maybe its not a uniquely Neurodivergent trait at all

I'm not sure this is an autistic trait, I can think of plenty of NT's who are never content, always chasing something, never able to appreciate what they have. Many would say it differently, they'd call it striving to achieve more or not resting on your laurels.

I think there's to much pressure to have more and more, and not stop and appreciate what we have lt alone think about what we really want, or recognise that having more "stuff" dosen't really make us happy.

I can think of plenty of NT's who never feel good enough too, who have a voice in their heads thats telling them they're never going to be good enough, who fear that any worldly success they have s a fluke and will be snatched away from them at any minute, who suffer imposter syndrome.

Maybe ND's are more honest and admit to feeling this way instead of trying to deny it all the time?

Feel the same way. Even on good days things still get to me. Something in my head is telling me I’m not good enough and everyone judges me.

The reality is that nobody is, and my friends and family think positive of me. And they get annoyed when I tell them people are judging me. Cause they know it’s not true.

Everybody is looking for something. You take what you have for granted and desire most what you can't have. It's human nature.

There's no easy answer. Try not to overthink and live in the moment more, try to allow things to unfold rather than planning them or predicting how you expect them to go.

I know this is hard, it's like telling a cat not to chase a mouse.

I've noticed when stressed it is much worse. My sense of perspective becomes more negative, when burnt out quite severely so.

Hi 

I'm not sure about the NT world but in my  ND world this is definitely a thing. It's very sad and frustrating

SJH1994 said:

Is it a typical autistic trait to never feel completely content,

From conversations I have had with NTs it is clear to me that contentment is something incredibly few people have.

The only cases I believe to be realistic are for those who have pretty much abandoned the trappings of the material life and become either monks / religious devouts or have gone back to a live much closer to nature.

For those of us in contact with any sort of media we are constantly told we need to have this product to be happy, that body (achievable through their diet plan) or to be on a career path that they can sell us a course on being able to do.

Add the fakery of social media where everyone seems to be trying to show how successful they are (or at least look like they are) and what a wonderful life they are living (that only took 6 takes to get the right photo after borrowing the must-have accessory to complete their look.

I've learned to let go of the whole social media scene and care much less about having the must-have clothes / accessories / phone / car etc. This goes a long way to feeling content.

Knowing yourself, your limits and potential is another big part of it too - my therapist spent a lot of time with me on this and I do feel much happier with myself now and can be content with being all alone with my thoughts when needed.

As for work - making the mental switch to keeping it as a transactional thing worked for me. This is a bit more complex to explain but I stopped giving them 10-15 hours of my time through working on my commute and late into the evenings every week. I wasn't paid for it so they didn't get it.

Learning how to compartmentalise the stresses of work when you leave is a great tool too - the therapist can teach this too. You can then relax on the commute to read / listen to music and make it a pleasant or productive time - great for mental health.

Sounds like my normal day. Get up. Brush teeth. Put on human suit. Try to blend in. Keep worrying that people will spot my alien bits dangling out.