Food and eating what's put in front of you

TheCatWoman said:

They look at me like I have a second head when I say that they're the parents and should impose some discpline, not become bullying tyrants, but enforce some rules about things.

The word discipline seems to be a trigger word for many these days and even the suggestion of it has some going off on a rant about how it is all abuse.

It is better to talk about boundaries and managing expectations to keep all those virtue signallers happy I find.

This is a sensitive subject for me because of my mother. 

As children we had it drilled into us to eat up everything and leave nothing behind.  She constantly went on how millions of people in the world were going hungry and we should be grateful for every scrap of food.

WHAT A HYPOCRITE!

when grew up i discovered how she wasted food for the most trivial reason.

1. A sack of 5kg potatoes which I bought went straight in the bin because the potatoes were washed, she believed that everything had to be done from scratch.  Potatoes had to be covered in mud.  So she could wash them, if someone else had washed them she refused to eat them.
2. A pack of 80 tea bags went in the bin because they were circular,  she insisted that they had to be rectangular. 
3. A cup if coffee i made for her went down the sink because I hadn't boiled the milk.
4. A 2 litre bottle of supermarket own brand milk that my sister bought her went straight down the sink because she insisted on 1 litre bottles of channel island gold tops. 

Anything which was not to her liking, in the bin.

As far as I know neither of my children are ND, but they both feel they benefitted from being made to at least try things, but also being respected enough not to be made to eat things they really didn't like. They both eat a wide range of foods and are good cooks.

I was always amazed and continue to be amazed that so many parents dont' say no to their children, that they pander to every whim and tell me that they wish they could make thier children sit down and eat a proper meal the children won't do it. They look at me like I have a second head when I say that they're the parents and should impose some discpline, not become bullying tyrants, but enforce some rules about things.

TheCatWoman said:

Jump forward another 20 years and I was often told that I was cruel for not allowing my children to eat what they wanted when they wanted and for making them sit at the table

You gave them a chance to feel part of the adult pack and observe the social interactions in action - something that will help them if they are autistic and struggle to understand social dynamics.

If you have the patience, explaining why some social dynamics are the way they are can add understanding for them and help them take these on board more easily, hence making them better able to survive in society as they grow.

As for making them eat what you have, it is an important social dynamic that the young get what they are given and they should not expect to be little tyrants just because they want something.

If they have real issues with the food because of their autism then it seems reasonable to accommodate this is possible but while you do not distress them too much, exposing them to other foods is a valuable lesson for them and can teach them that a wider range of "acceptable" food is available.

I grew up with a "if you don't eat what you are given then you don't eat" approach - I can eat almost anything now so it was a valuable lesson.

As a kid I was often in my own inner world and I used to eat whatever was given to me. There were times that it was difficult for me to accept the smell of meat, also I was upset, that there is something new for lunch, I wanted the same thing as day before. But my mom's attitude was simple- if you're hungry, eat, if you're not, then don't. And I'm grateful to her for that. I also don't ask my daughter what she would like to eat. I just cook and serve it and i noticed, that she eats well when sitting with me. Whatever i eat, she wants same. I only know that she doesn't like beef like me, so I don't cook it. 

TheCatWoman said:

Where does this idea that children should eat "special" foods come from?

Where? Companies marketing products that solve problems that never existed, often as a way to promote the brand, rather than the products.

A good example is "follow-on milk" aimed at children over 1 year old. The reason it exists is that many jurisdictions prohibit the advertising of infant milk formula, but 1-year-olds are not considered infants. The company gets to put their name in front of parents who may have infant children, as the advertising sidesteps the law. The product itself is completely unnecessary. The company probably don't even care if the product makes a profit.

All these 0.0% beers are a similar ruse. We've had those beers under different brand names since forever, but only now, with limitations on advertising alcoholic drinks, do we start to see the big alcoholic brand names used to promote the non-alcoholic products. Again, the companies don't care how unsuccessful these products are, as long as they get to put out their name and sidestep the law.

A major restriction on the promotion of junk food will see big brands start to promote some healthy foods under their own name, just to remind everyone that their junk food is still available.

God, I've become so cynical in my old age!

When I was a child there was no distinction between childrens foods and adults food, children just ate a smaller portion of adult foods. Where does this idea that children should eat "special" foods come from?

I'm not a fan of dry dinners either, or bland things like roasts. I love Indian food and food of the Levant, but not Chinese or South East Asian, theres just something about it that puts me off, people keep trying to take me to "good" restuarants in an attempt to get me to like it and I just don't. I think with a lot of it the flavour just seems to sit on top or the food and theres no depth to the flavours.

As a child I was very picky with food and up to about eight years of age I was not really interested in eating at all, there seemed much more interesting things to do than sit at a table eating. Even now I can switch off my appetite completely if I want to. I have gone up to seven days without solid food (this was during flare ups of diverticular disease) with no real problems concerning craving food.

In later childhood and my teenage years I became much more interested in food and more open to eating a wide range of different types of food. Now I eat a wide variety and will generally eat things, like carrots, that I am not very keen on. I make a lot of curries from scratch, especially South Indian curries like rasam. I tend to like dishes with a sauce, I'm less keen on plainer foods like steak or Sunday roast. I like fish and seafood, but again I will tend to make a sauce to go with the fish. I recently did halibut fillet poached in white wine, with samphire and a white wine sauce flavoured with anise.

My mum tried the you eat what you're given approach as a child. I would try bits but I couldn't force my self to eat things I just couldn't stand the taste of so I would end up just not eating. I got into some really bad habits like hiding food so she would think I'd eaten it. The things that I was given regularly that I would try to force down like carrots, I never learnt to like. I still can't stand them. I am a selective eater and I find it very challenging if people push me to eat things that I just don't like. I do try to keep my diet somewhat balanced but it is restrictive.

I was brought up to eat what I was given, possibly because my parents grew up during the war with rationing. We also grew vegetables and some fruit. I tried the same with my son, but he just didn't eat some things. I tried small amounts of vegetables and disguising some in meat dishes. In the end I realised that there are some things he would never eat. 

TheCatWoman said:

I'd eat my brussels sprouts first so as I'd have the rest of the dinner to take the taste away

Up there for thinkin' and down there for dancin', as they say!

I had, for the times, quite a variety of flavours and textures in my diet and do even more so these days. I love strong flavours and distinctive textures and couldn't live without chillies. Being the insatiably curious and novelty-seeking ADHD type, I could cook a curry for the family when I was about 7 or 8. It wouldn't have won any Michelin stars, but it got eaten.

My wife's family were much more meat-and-two-veg and I introduced her to lots of foods for the first time. I did have quite a lot of meat-and-two-veg dinners myself. I'd refuse to eat if there was yet another bland meal served in a row, but that didn't happen too often. I wasn't offered any alternatives; I'd make myself some toast, or something, instead. At least toast had a texture.

I could never eat cheese, though. I still can't. It smells and tastes like someone vomited on a tramp's socks and no amount of explaining its origins to me will convince me to put it in my mouth. If I walk into a cafe or restaurant and smell grilled cheese, I walk back out again.