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Burnt out

Meross

Hi all,

It's me and my two daughters at home - one 14 and one 17 - both diagnosed with autism.  I'm a full time Dad, cook, cleaner, and let's not forget the paid job that takes much of the day.

However on top of that I think I'm struggling generally in managing my two daughters.

The 14 year old needs regular chasing to do things such as get breakfast and get showers, tidy up etc as she's regularly getting distracted.

The 17 year old has finished school and is currently job hunting but really lacks in self-confidence, self esteem and general confidence in interacting with others.  She's also getting an op on Monday that put her off her feet for at least six weeks and then between six and 12 months for a full recovery so she can't work.  While she is job hunting we'll know more next week about how long realistically her recovery will take.

Is there any help that I can get at home to try and A) help with methods to manage the 14 year old and B) to try and build up confidence in my 17 year old?

They both have mental health issues too of varying degrees.

I'm in NE Scotland and am wondering if there are support groups that I could potentially attend and possibly for my 17 year old too once she's back on her feet that would help with her confidence etc?

In the meantime, the school holidays have hit so at least I'm not chasing the 14 year old out the door every day. Wink

  • Meross said:
    The 17 year old has finished school and is currently job hunting but really lacks in self-confidence, self esteem and general confidence in interacting with others.

    Do you have any older familiy or friends who can mentor her in developing her interaction skills?

    I have used mentors before and they are great for explaining the details of a situation that us autists often feel uninformed about - sort of explaining the unwritten rules of interactions. Add in a chunk or time to repeatedly role play interactions she will face will help her develop the scripting and masking skills to navigate things like interviews and manager meetings.

    I found that having someone who can disect these situations, explain what I was doing wrong and make me role play it until I got it right several times worked very well for my autistic traits.

    Running through other situations like team meetings, appraisals, disciplinary meetings, dealing with difficult customers, interviewing etc took time but helped me build up my own version of the Book of Unwritten Rules and helped me have a quite successful career.

    I guess the person will need to have the time, patience, a bit of knowledge of autism and experience in the workplace to make this happen.

    It would seem sensible to pay them for this service if you can afford to, but sometimes someone like a cool aunt would be willing to do it out of good will.

    Your 14 year old has quite different needs and it sounds like she has ADHD traits. Some of these can be directly part of autism and some are from full blown ADHD which would benefit from its own diagnosis. If you can get her to identify her symptoms on the following chart then it may give you an idea if it is worth discussing with the schools SENCO:

  • in reply to I_doodle_to_much_

    Thanks for the suggestions - the 14 year old has been tested however as she's fine at school the Dr couldn't make a formal diagnosis.

    The 17 year old has been to therapy for her anxiety which is linked to her state of mind.  It's helped slightly however I'm going to try and see if I can get her involved in some social groups as this will boost her confidence too as she's not got many friends.

  • I’ve heard that some people with Autism work better with visual aids, so maybe you can try to give your 14 y.o. a chart that lists the things she needs to do in the morning? Maybe like a note on the fridge so that she can mark off completed tasks with a magnet?

    I can imagine it’s difficult looking for work with such a long recovery impending. The best I can think of in regards to advice in her situation is perhaps counseling. That could help ease some of the self-esteem issues and give her good skills for coping with workplace stressors (ex. breathing exercises, grounding techniques, etc.)

    I wish you and your family the best.

  • in reply to Bunny

    This is ace, thank you.  Will give them a lookie. Grinning

  • Hi and a slightly belated welcome to the community!

    You might be able to find some suitable support groups in your area via the NAS's directory:

    NAS - Autism Services Directory

    I'm not asking you to be (or suggesting that you should be) any more specific about your location, but I'll just offer this example that can be found by searching for support in the Aberdeen area:

    SensationALL - whose services include social groups for children and young people aged 11-24yrs, and parent/carer advisory consultations and support groups.

  • I know for me, motivation like being able to do something I want to do after a task if I do the task helps my motivation. Also, you might want to get your 14 year old tested for ADHD cause that could explain why she gets distracted so often. As for the 17 year old, you could try encouragement and affirm her, maybe a little bit of therapy. I can't know for sure if these will work but hopefully they will.