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Recently diagnosed and spiraling

MidMoT

I was diagnosed 2 days ago. At first, I was relieved to have answers about my struggles. Then I was mortified. I feel so much guilt and sorrow looking back on the way I treated people. I always thought I was helping people, but in reality I was rude, and too direct. I held people, and myself to unrealistic expectations. I had no idea that people felt and thought differently than me. I have had so many struggles with relationships, and the only person that tolerated me is my wife. I know I have hurt her. It was all unintentional, and now I have so much shame, and pain thinking how I have hurt everyone I love. I have “masked” for so long that I feel like I don’t know myself. I am really struggling, and I am having a hard time putting everything into perspective.

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  • MidMoT said:
    I have had so many struggles with relationships, and the only person that tolerated me is my wife.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your relationship struggles.

    In time, when you feel ready (my previous reply refers), you and your wife might find this book helpful. It focuses on helping autistic + neurotypical couples to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    Note: the book was written when Asperger's syndrome was still an official diagnostic term, whereas this now simply falls under Autism Spectrum Disorder / Condition (ie autism). 

    Caveat: when moving from discussion of one issue / scenario to the next, the author often switches which of the partners is neurodivergent (him / her), which can make it a little confusing until you've worked out who's who each time. But that inconvenience felt well worth the effort to me.

    You might also find this NAS resource helpful:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

  • in reply to Bunny

    Bless you. I needed this so much. I feel stronger with each kind post. You are a great person. I appreciate your time.

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  • in reply to Bunny

    Bless you. I needed this so much. I feel stronger with each kind post. You are a great person. I appreciate your time.

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