Relationships

I thought for many years that it was the fault of everyone else that I didn't seem to be able to make any romantic connection. It eventually dawned on me that waiting for someone to declare to me that they found me wonderfully attractive was not going to happen, the fault was mine - this was decades before I was diagnosed as autistic. Part of the difficulty was that I did not pick up, or picked up far too late (sometimes years too late), the neurotypical cues that a woman found me attractive. The other, was that I was too frightened of rejection to make any advances myself. As I was operating in an information vacuum and missing any signals, this is understandable. I did some basic research into non-verbal communication, body language and suchlike and decided to be more courageous and risk rejection.

I have never used online dating, I met my wife in a university laboratory, but I think that getting out into the real world is still the best bet. Join clubs and societies where you can meet potential partners. I even went clubbing (a sensory nightmare for me) when getting to know my future wife. I think going out of one's comfort zone is necessary to make any meaningful connection. Most of the potential romantic partners out there are neurotypical and I think that, uncomfortable as it may be, playing by the neurotypical rulebook is necessary for success.

I thought for many years that it was the fault of everyone else that I didn't seem to be able to make any romantic connection. It eventually dawned on me that waiting for someone to declare to me that they found me wonderfully attractive was not going to happen, the fault was mine - this was decades before I was diagnosed as autistic. Part of the difficulty was that I did not pick up, or picked up far too late (sometimes years too late), the neurotypical cues that a woman found me attractive. The other, was that I was too frightened of rejection to make any advances myself. As I was operating in an information vacuum and missing any signals, this is understandable. I did some basic research into non-verbal communication, body language and suchlike and decided to be more courageous and risk rejection.

I have never used online dating, I met my wife in a university laboratory, but I think that getting out into the real world is still the best bet. Join clubs and societies where you can meet potential partners. I even went clubbing (a sensory nightmare for me) when getting to know my future wife. I think going out of one's comfort zone is necessary to make any meaningful connection. Most of the potential romantic partners out there are neurotypical and I think that, uncomfortable as it may be, playing by the neurotypical rulebook is necessary for success.