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How/when to tell a child they have ASD?

LeedsStar

Hi all, my little boy was recently diagnosed with autism. He's quite high functioning, so is at a mainstream school, doing really well, but obviously has his issues. Right now he is unaware of autism or that he has it. The clinic who diagnosed him did ask me if I wanted to go back so they could explain it to him, but suggested as he's unaware and hasn't asked any questions regarding his assessment, maybe leave it for now. Personally I agree, if I tell him I think I will be making him aware of it, when right now he doesn't need to be. 

What ages do people tend to tell their kids? Do you wait for them to ask questions, or do you mention it when they're young, so you're not one day breaking it to them? 

Parents

  • I don't agree with hiding it, unless there is a clear indication that to know would cause psychological damage.

    It's how you explain it, which means to do so positively.  Don't use any negative terms when you do it, don't focus on what the child cannot do or cannot do well, but on the positives and then say for the difficult things, something like "doing X is a bit different for you/takes longer to learn because your brain is slightly different, but that difference also makes you much better than others at X".

    I told my 7yo even before she was DX as she was getting distressed at her own behaviour and blaming herself.  She's now 9 and has never felt bad about having autism.

    I wish I'd known when I was a child, it would have saved me growing up wondering why I felt different and I've read quite a few stories of adult Aspies being really angry and resentful at their parents not telling them when they were a child and blaming themselves for their differences and difficulties.

Reply

  • I don't agree with hiding it, unless there is a clear indication that to know would cause psychological damage.

    It's how you explain it, which means to do so positively.  Don't use any negative terms when you do it, don't focus on what the child cannot do or cannot do well, but on the positives and then say for the difficult things, something like "doing X is a bit different for you/takes longer to learn because your brain is slightly different, but that difference also makes you much better than others at X".

    I told my 7yo even before she was DX as she was getting distressed at her own behaviour and blaming herself.  She's now 9 and has never felt bad about having autism.

    I wish I'd known when I was a child, it would have saved me growing up wondering why I felt different and I've read quite a few stories of adult Aspies being really angry and resentful at their parents not telling them when they were a child and blaming themselves for their differences and difficulties.

Children
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