How/when to tell a child they have ASD?

hi  - those of you who have told your kids their diagnosis have you also been  open with your friends and family about it? Does this change how they relate to the child and if so how... Thanks 

Thanks for the replies, it's interesting to hear how others have done it, because I guess I just wasn't sure at what point was best to tell him. I'm not sure if he's really able to understand it yet, so I may wait another year, when he may be more able to understand, or I may just mention it casually. I haven't decided, but thanks for all advice and opinions :)

My daughter was only recently diagnosed at 13 but she found it a relief to know there was an explanation for her behaviour and feelings.  We talk about it most days now and I came across a book in the library (think its called the Red Beast) at the weekend that would have been brilliant for her a few years ago but she still found it useful to understand those rages that she used to have and I'm sure, may well have again one day.

Hi - we told our son when he was diagnosed at 6.  He has moderate ASD and learning difficulty so not sure how much went in but we discuss it regularly to 'normalise' it.  He sometimes says he hasn't got Autism or asks me how I felt when I had it (which I don't) so obviously hasn't got a great understanding but I don't regret telling him.  This way, I never feel we are hiding anything and don't need to worry if he over hears discussion around ASD.  No right answers!

Thank you all. My son is 8 so is unaware right now, and I wasn't sure if I told him, if I would be making him obsess over it, or make him think he's different. He's a young 8, very naive. I didn't want to point it out, but at the same time I want to be honest. I already know how I will tell him, and of course I won't make it a negative thing. I will tell him his brain works a little different, so he may find the world a little confusing at times, but that it's nothing to be ashamed of. He may have to try harder at some things in his life, yet other things may come easier to him, and if he feels confused or upset he needs to tell his teachers. I just wasn't sure if I should leave this talk for a while. 

Mine were early teens, but they chose who to tell and did not want school classmates to know.  Just make sure that all teachers know your child's wishes.  One of my son's teachers overruled me and told the class as she thought it would help them better understand him, he wasn't ready for this and he lost all trust in the school.

I think they figure it out themselves and hopefully will just need your reassurance that it's okay.

Hi - sooner rather than later perhaps, your child will say or do something which needs an explanation from you about autism.  So it's not necessarily that you have to rush into things.  Intense's advice is good.  Also their are books you can get which explain autism to a child.  There are posts on here giving their titles + I think they're available on amazon. 

I don't agree with hiding it, unless there is a clear indication that to know would cause psychological damage.

It's how you explain it, which means to do so positively.  Don't use any negative terms when you do it, don't focus on what the child cannot do or cannot do well, but on the positives and then say for the difficult things, something like "doing X is a bit different for you/takes longer to learn because your brain is slightly different, but that difference also makes you much better than others at X".

I told my 7yo even before she was DX as she was getting distressed at her own behaviour and blaming herself.  She's now 9 and has never felt bad about having autism.

I wish I'd known when I was a child, it would have saved me growing up wondering why I felt different and I've read quite a few stories of adult Aspies being really angry and resentful at their parents not telling them when they were a child and blaming themselves for their differences and difficulties.