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Anxiety about visiting a barber

Oran G. Utan

Last time I had a proper haircut was the day of my dad's wedding, some 14 years ago. Since then, whenever I wanted it shortened, I would just lop it off myself to about mid length. Part of the reason is that I'm uncomfortable with letting my guard down where sharp objects like scissors and clippers are involved. The other major part is that, growing up Scottish, pretty much the only haircut of my childhood was a Number 1 or 2. Was always jealous of men in other cultures that seemed free to do a lot with their hair, because all the men I saw growing up cut their hair like they were joining the military.

All this to say that if I were to visit a barber, I have no idea what I even do or say. I don't even know what I'd want to have done, cos I don't really have a positive self image enough to say "Yeah I think I'd look good with yadda yadda". I think I look like your stereotypical overweight nerd with glasses and a shaggy mop of hair. I think it'd be nice to have a look that makes me feel good about myself, but I'm not sure I even know what that would be.

  • in reply to Harold_X

    Film and TV stars often wear wigs and hair extensions or they have naturally very thick hair like Jennifer Aniston, I think I can still do a "Rachel"cut in my sleep. Few people have hair that thick and I remember one customer who had 2 hairs and a parting coming in wanting one, I tried to disuade her, but she insisted, after doing my very best, she didn't like it, she didn't look anything like "Rachel". I had to bite my tongue and not say 'Madam that is because I'm a hairdresser not a plastic surgeon'.

    Barbers have a different skill set than hairdressers and their skills do lie more toward short styles and they don't tend to do chemical treatments such as colouring, don't be afraid of having some colour in your hair, it can be the thing that makes or breaks a style and unless you have a full head colour isn't high maintainance or that expensive.

    Do you have a college that teaches hairdressing near you? They always need clients for students to learn on, I've found that you often get a much better haircut and a greatly reduced price at a college. They have fewer time pressures, many salons allow 30 mins for a cut and finnish, so depending on your hair and what you want done it can be a bit rushed. The tutors will be monitoring everything the student does and checking that both they and you are ok.

  • In addition to the great advice that TheCatWoman has offered you, I feel it's worth adding that a good barber/hairdresser will have a good understanding of styles that will suit your face shape and how your hair grows. Therefore, if you are unsure about styles that will suit you, don't be afraid to ask them if they can show you some pictures of styles they would recommend.

    Also, if you want a style that is quick and easy to maintain, then make that clear. I remember my son having a hairstyle that required the use of hair wax to sculpt it and create texture. Although the style suited him, he complained that the hair wax made his hair feel like straw. Also, he didn't have the patience to spend every evening washing the wax out of his hair.

  • Maybe try a unisex hairdresser, most of them are these days. Make sure you get time to talk about what you want, don't let them sit you down at a basin straight away, without talking to you and checking out what you want, dry hair behaves differently to wet hair. You need a style based around your face shape and what your hair will do, it's no good wanting a straight style if you have curly hair and don't want to spend hours fiddling with it. I think there are some sites that allow you to upload a photo and drop a hairstyle onto your head so as you can see what it's like. When you've found some styles that suit, take pictures of them to the hairdresser so as they can see what sort of thing you want and discuss it with you.

    Also when chooosing a hairdresser, take a good look at the staff's hair, if they all have the same sort of hair, usually a long style and a short one don't bother, go somewhere else or you will have either the short or the long style.

  • in reply to Harold_X

    I am working on weight loss. Taking injections to regulate blood sugar and reduce hunger. Having a tough time with the physical activity part. Don't even have room to do squats, and I get frustrated after just a few seconds. But that's stuff I'm working on.

    I don't have anyone that uses a barber, so I'm gonna have to tackle that bit myself if I decide I wanna do it. I've been looking at popular hairstyles, but haven't found anything yet. My issue is more the literal act of telling a barber what I want them to do. Do I need to know the names of the haircuts? Do I just show a picture and say "Can ye do that?". I'm the sort of pain in the ass aspie that has to know everything before I do anything.

  • Maybe get some inspiration from movies, magazines, celebs or something. I usually do my own with a number one, I quite like it but mum says it makes me look like a thug. If I do go to the barbers I ask for short back and sides, top about finger length, and then spike it up. Thinking of going for a mohawk sometime.

    Anyway, it sounds like you have more body confidence issues than your hair, I was also overweight but I started working out and now I am quite muscular. It isn't that hard, when I first started I followed this guy https://scoobyswork.shop/ who shows you how to do it all at home with no gym. Not trying to push you down that path, but it made me much more confident and healthy for life in general.

    As for letting your guard down around sharp objects, I get that, it is logical. What I would say is see if you can go to the barber a friend or relative uses with them, then there will be less reason to be anxious about it. It's a bit of a familiarity thing, there's only really one barber I ever go to.