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The man Im dating is 42 and just found out he is autistic - can anyone relate to this?

NAS96174
3 days ago

Hi Everyone!

I hope this finds you all well. I've been dating a man for the past 6 months....its been on and off because of communication issues, and he has had panic attacks in certain scenarios (ie, crowds, loud music, and a 'black box' theater show).  When the panic attacks happen, its often caused arguments.

Honestly, I started wondering if he might be on the spectrum months ago. But, obviously he didn't have a diagnoses yet. 

I guess my main reason for writing...is to try to understand how he might be feeling right now.  Is anyone out there able to relate and tell me how they felt when they found out their diagnoses (preferably if it came while in your late 30's to early 40's) ? What did you need from your loved ones, and friends? What DIDNT help from others.   

I care deeply for him, and I'm not going anywhere. I guess I'm just nervous of doing the wrong thing. Do I ask how he is feeling?  I don't want to be overbearing. So do I just go on as normal, and let HIM bring things up when he feels he needs someone to just listen? I suppose some of it will be trial and error....but, if anyone has advice they could give, Id so greatly appreciate it.  I want him to know I'm there for him. And I obviously want to make sure he knows I don't feel any differently about him because of it. 

Thanks! 

Parents
  • 3 days ago

    It’s good you care for your partner, I hope he is also caring for you. I think you can initiate a conversation. Maybe he would not be ready to share everything what he feels, it may be even difficult for him to recognize what he feels, so don’t push him, but just let him know you are there ready to listen when he is ready to share something. I myself experienced panic attacks especially in loud environments, what helped me are earplugs or just avoidance of certain situations. Maybe some things are just too much for him, but he wouldn’t admit it either to not lose you or maybe he would have felt lower self esteem for not being able to endure something others easily do. I had disagreements with my husband over the earplugs but he himself can see an improvement in my well-being and he sees that I still hear what he says and can actually talk to him with them in. 
    Communication, openness, conversations are the key. Both partners should be able to communicate their needs and be heard (doesn’t matter if they are neurotypical or neurodivergent) 

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  • 3 days ago

    It’s good you care for your partner, I hope he is also caring for you. I think you can initiate a conversation. Maybe he would not be ready to share everything what he feels, it may be even difficult for him to recognize what he feels, so don’t push him, but just let him know you are there ready to listen when he is ready to share something. I myself experienced panic attacks especially in loud environments, what helped me are earplugs or just avoidance of certain situations. Maybe some things are just too much for him, but he wouldn’t admit it either to not lose you or maybe he would have felt lower self esteem for not being able to endure something others easily do. I had disagreements with my husband over the earplugs but he himself can see an improvement in my well-being and he sees that I still hear what he says and can actually talk to him with them in. 
    Communication, openness, conversations are the key. Both partners should be able to communicate their needs and be heard (doesn’t matter if they are neurotypical or neurodivergent) 

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