Published on 12, July, 2020
40, diagnosed at 37, dead end job, verbally abusive living situation, no help from the NHS and the government in terms of therapy for my diagnosis. No help from the council in terms of housing, the only thing keeping me going is my faith, For all intensive purposes I gave up on life 20 years ago. And yeah I have had some amazing experiences like travelling to America by myself, my weekly karaoke sessions, which have often been me on my own, and I get sick of going out on my own.
I had my ray ban sunglasses stolen on Thursday, its not about the sunglasses. I am careless, but it knocks you big time. And I was already feeling depressed as hell. I know I am not alone but I feel like I am the only person experiencing this.
People have said lets meet for a drink or message me or whatever, but they havn't the first idea about autism and neurodivergences, let alone mental health. I can't keep doing this. When will it end.
I am on the waiting list for counselling again, but its not targeted. The NHS only offer meds, to numb you so you don't become a problem to them anymore. I only work part time and would love to go on holiday again, for longer, but yeah, 2 days in Bournemouth is probably the most I will have this year. I don't really earn enough to save. Thankfully I don't have to pay rent, I countribute to household expenses when I can.
I don't even find pleasure in the things I enjoyed anymore, rarely. Honestly, so tired. Yet so thankful. I know things could be a lot worse but I don't feel too guilty for feeling like this
Hi GD, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I know what you mean. I’m struggling at the moment too - I feel so tired and hopeless at the moment. You’re right though - it could be a lot worse certainly, and it can help to focus on the positives as much as you possibly can. I’m sorry you lost your Raybans - how annoying! They are not cheap after all. Having said that some much cheaper sunglasses can look really cool too - you might find something good to replace them maybe? It can be nice to throw yourself into researching a good alternative. The NHS are not great when it comes to mental health - you’re quite right about that. I did once have a good therapist through the NHS though - so it can be good sometimes! So don’t lose hope of that because it can happen. She really helped me and was so nice. In terms of how you feel now - as George Harrison sang: “All things must pass” - and hopefully things will improve for you soon. I’m hoping for that too - I’m having a really low at the moment. I’ve got no energy or motivation and I feel so useless. Struggling to muster up any optimism for the future, and feeling such dreadful fear and anxiety. But the nature of life is impermanence - and none of these things can last forever. Good luck.
There is nothing like buying a nice pair of sunglasses at one point I had an addiction and spent a lot of money. Now I am happy to have one nice pair, it’s just not the same having something cheaper. I always try to buy discontinued or outlet/discount
Fortunately they were found. Unfortunately the bar has made it clear they don't want me to go back there again, based on the email I sent them. I had issues with some of their staff before, which they had also referred to. Apparently I was rude, which wasn't intentional, I felt that about how they was to me, at least one of their staff. Apparently I was drinking and should have been more careful. If that was the purpose of going out what business would it be of his anyway Honestly I find myself just wanting to get hit by a car or something. They said I could go back to collect them but how could I demoralize myself by doing that. Feels like a walk of shame