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Daughter newly diagnosed, first school meeting, confused

Mama79

Hi 

I have a daughter who will be 4 in a few months. She was diagnosed before Xmas with asd, after a very long process of referrals. SHes always been a handful, obsessions tantrums and at 2 and a half could barely say anything.

she is in preschool now and her speech has come on a lot. She's saying 3 words together and is finally asking for things instead of just granting or crying.

i guess the reason I'm posting this is because I'm feeling confused about a meeting I've just had at the school. A meeting(first one) was set up with her pediatition, speech theripst and her teacher ( we've just found out this lady is actually a teaching assistant) in charge of the class I don't know how usual that is? Anyway I get the distinct impression the teacher is not in agreement of the diagnoses. She says that's my daughter   s behaviour is never a problem at school and content pretty happy. I've been having a few issues since she started school with her not listening to me been naughty when I drop her off and when I collect her she wacks me, runs off towards the road and and is very clingy demanding and hyper when I get her home. They had to move the welly bin outside because he was been obsessing over them when it was home time. (she has had obsession about her and everyone else's wellies for 18months. She would freak out everytime she saw some. I would get the comment at school 'she only reacts like that when family turn help

while at the meeting we discribed how we can't take her into shops as she acts very I appropriately and won't follow instruction or listen putting things in her pockets and screaming refusing to walk if we tell her she can't

the teachers response was tontell me her granddaughter is a nightmere in tesco too. I felt like saying dont tell that's normal and you understand whats its like to try and reason with a child who simply doesn't understand!. 

She claims to be experienced with autism and working with children but she had no help or feedback other than we should expect too much as she's still very young and to not overload her with more than one social story at a time.

we were given a book from the library by the hosp which was a book of social stories which shows the wrong and the right way to act or do things. She said that we should just tell her the positives and not point out the wrong way as in the book. So I'm confused now as to what at methods to use.

we asked whether my daughters learning she said she was struggling in groups and she wasn't sure how much she was taking in as she seemed introverted at times but that its all very well the speech theripst suggesting one one time but she doesn't have the time or space for it with so many other kids.

my husband and I turned up prepared with a book with pages of creative solutions to social situations emotion cards and photos which we created to try and teach her and better understand her and the way to help her deal with these emotions that are just coming out in anger currently. My husband said she was smirking at me as he feels we totally showed her up as she was unprepared and had scrambled something together (a hometime social story) last minute that wasn't even finished. 

Any advice would be appreciated, I have a feeling the road ahead isn't going to be smooth

x

  • My daughter was diagnosed with asd she is very well behaved at school but a nightmare when at home or out shopping. I don't think school accept her diagnosis she gets no help at all even though her pediatrician said its important that school support her with social and emotional behaviour.

  • Correct, however irrelevant in view of OPs needs.

  • I think it was Temple Grandin who explored the different possible thinking styles of autistic people in her book, Thinking in Pictures.

  • Sorry to be pedantic, but not all people with autism are visual learners, although the majority do think this way.

  • I would apply for a statement for her, that will make them have to give her the support she needs, no excuses.

    You don't need the school's backing to apply for a statement you apply yourself through the council's SEN department.

    I would print out the information about different behaviour between school and home that Longman referred to and show it to the school staff involved with your daughter.

    Anna Kennedy Online also offer schools training in autism awareness.  They go UK-wide and just ask for a minimum donation of I think £100 to their charity and travelling expenses.  Methinks your daughter's school could do with this.

    School staff know nothing about autism, they are not qualified to even comment on the diagnosis, and you have to ignore their stupid comments.

    Legally, your daughter is entitled to reasonable adjustments in her education according to the Equality Act 2010, but the only way to enforce what she needs is a statement.  She may find the classroom overwhelming (too noisy, bright, too many people) and she may need support at play times and lunch.

    Use the book about right and wrong, and also look on eBay for social stories.  Autistics are visual learners and it needs to be reinforced, not only shown once.

  • Unfortunately you will find this sort of thing reported time and time again by parents in postings on this forum.

    For one thing the school, whatever the claims of experience made by the teaching assistant, is not qualified to make such comments. A teaching assistant - mind boggling.......

    For another, behavioural differences between home and school are common (and there are stickies - for such frequently asked questions - at the top of the Education topic page).

    Your child will be under peer pressure to conform and will try much harder to not be noticed at school - this tends to push all the pressure onto home life.

    The problem with schools is the quality of information they get. Teachers who do a teaching qualification (and therefore are not mere assistants!) will get some instruction on special education needs, but the autism content may not be very substantial. The library resources in teacher training environments may not be very good either, and mostly focussed on dyslexia.

    Also, although there are thousands of books on autism (try searching Jessica Kingsley Publishers on the web) the number of books for primary school teachers is not great, and the content is variable and contradictory.

    While dated in some respects, a really good book for parents to read is Clare Sainsbury's "Martian in the Playground - understanding the schoolchild with Asperger's syndrome" Lucky Duck Publishing Ltd 2000. The ISBN is 1 873 942 08 7  if you give this to a library or bookshop it helps them find it.

    But the school's behaviour is unprofessional, irresponsible and frankly impertinent.

    The teachers (teaching assistants) cannot see what is going on all the time. Your child may be being bullied for being different and they wouldn't be any the wiser.