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School Refusal

NAS93317

Good morning all

I am desperate,  My Son James is 14 and was diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's last year.   I have struggled to get James into school.  He is currently in year 9.  We are a single parent family as my husband passed away 12 years ago and it is just me, James and his older sister.   I sometimes manage to get him into school but over the last year, he has been 95 per cent absent.  The school have put alot in place for him and he has hall passes, late pass, time out pass and places to go if he is overwhelmed.  but James in school, is ok.  He likes his friends and once i get him into school, he is ok.  The issue is getting him out to school in the morning.  I have tried absolutely everything from strong routines, rewards and consequences for non attendance.  I now have the school threatening me with fines or worse, prosecution unless this changes.   We have been referred to CAHMS and i am also seeking another assessment for the Austim privately which is funded as part of my employment.  

When you question James on anything school related, ask him to explain what is stopping him from getting to school, the answer is always the same " I don't know, i will go in tomorrow".  He promises the earth to go in and then the same thing happens again in the morning.   I have called the doctors, social services and the education department at the council for help and all i get is there is nothing they can do....

My Stress levels are through the roof.  The pending action is not helping and will not help the situation.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Parents

  • This is a tough one.  I am appalled that the school are threatening you.  This happens far too often to parents who are trying their best without proper supports and in the face of tremendous challenge.  Applying the "stick" to the parents is only going to make things worse and it makes me cross.

    I'm at a loss though as to why you need another Autism assessment.  Asperger's is a diagnosis not now normally given as it IS Autism.  I'd have thought the first assessment was sufficient, rather than put him through it again.

    As for getting him to school, there could be any number of factors here; from the executive strain of getting himself up and organised in the morning to a latent social anxiety (even though he seems fine once he's there).  You might also want to probe how they are teaching him.  Hall passes and all that are all very important but ADHDers can be very kinaesthetic learners, they can need a lot of movement to to process the incoming information and the class room requirements of sit down, hand up wait your turn to speak, stay in your chair and don't fidget might be all a bit much of a strain and causing him to need the Hall pass in the first place.  What, if any adaptations are they making to the classroom environment for him?  What training do his teaching staff have in ADHD?

    Has he had a proper SEND assessment?  I am sure there will be people here you have better experience of the SEND and school systems than I do.  I hope they contribute for you as it sounds like you need some input from someone who knows the processes best.  It might be worth talking to the SEN and admissions teams at the council.  It maybe that this school simply can't meet need.

Reply

  • This is a tough one.  I am appalled that the school are threatening you.  This happens far too often to parents who are trying their best without proper supports and in the face of tremendous challenge.  Applying the "stick" to the parents is only going to make things worse and it makes me cross.

    I'm at a loss though as to why you need another Autism assessment.  Asperger's is a diagnosis not now normally given as it IS Autism.  I'd have thought the first assessment was sufficient, rather than put him through it again.

    As for getting him to school, there could be any number of factors here; from the executive strain of getting himself up and organised in the morning to a latent social anxiety (even though he seems fine once he's there).  You might also want to probe how they are teaching him.  Hall passes and all that are all very important but ADHDers can be very kinaesthetic learners, they can need a lot of movement to to process the incoming information and the class room requirements of sit down, hand up wait your turn to speak, stay in your chair and don't fidget might be all a bit much of a strain and causing him to need the Hall pass in the first place.  What, if any adaptations are they making to the classroom environment for him?  What training do his teaching staff have in ADHD?

    Has he had a proper SEND assessment?  I am sure there will be people here you have better experience of the SEND and school systems than I do.  I hope they contribute for you as it sounds like you need some input from someone who knows the processes best.  It might be worth talking to the SEN and admissions teams at the council.  It maybe that this school simply can't meet need.

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