Need help with suspected AS dilemma

I'd be cautious, if she just stays in bed all day, depression is more likely to be the primary characteristic, and it might be unwise to look for autism as the explanation.

Also to what extent is she a burden to you, or is it just that you feel she should contribute more? Your partner obviously accepts her the way she is, but is it your joint home and your partner has insisted you help him look after her, or is it his house where the daughter was brought up, possibly from his first marriage, and she lives there on the basis it is where she grew up, or identifies herself with his household?

The reason I ask is that none of your postings imply that she is dependent on you. I get the impression is that she is just there and you are not happy with this. It might be a state of affairs your partner accepts, and you might need to be careful about trying to get her diagnosed without good reason. A diagnoses in any case, might not necessarily be helpful, given the lack of support provided for many adults.

Your partner perhaps needs to be more open with you about her past, whereas he seems not to wish to discuss it.There may be quite complex issues here.

Just because she is a loner and doesn't form friendships could be a manifestation of depression not necessarily autism. Her way of walking and talking to herself aren't necessarily indications of autism - she could be dyspraxic - often very similar in some behaviours. But the thing that puzzles me is you admit to nagging her a lot to do things - if she was autistic she might well react and become very stressed under such pressure, but that she does not react might fit dyspraxic.

Sensory sensitivity and overload (getting very agitated, distressed or even violent reactions) might be expected of autism, also what is her eye contact like, and is it easy to engage her in conversation? Does she follow conversations? Does she fully comprehend the matter of conversation?

Her embarrassing questions about the cost of things might be a bad habit picked up from her father, given you say he does it too. It doesn't sound like autism.

Having a dirty room could be lack of self care, but as much due to depression as a characteristic of autism. On the whole there are few traits you have described that might point to autism. You need a lot more autism indicators than this.  Her speech and gait might otherwise be dyspraxia. Otherwise what you describe is someone with depression associated with lying around doing nothing and lacking motivation.

There is a danger, having found autism as a possibility, of trying too hard to make it fit - but you would see a lot more evidence of actual difficulty in social situations, understanding things, difficulties with environment, including sensory issues, organisational issues (not simply laziness or poor motivation), obsessive behaviours including frequent gestures or behaviours, highly focussed etc etc.

And as I say, it may not necessarily help her, given the deficiencies in support for adults that prevail. The major benefit would be a better understanding of herself, which could boost self confidence and self esteem. But getting someone diagnosed with a cndition that is still not well enugh understood, and often bafflingly poorly supported, isn't necessarily helpful. And might make her feel much worse and much less inclined to get motivated.

I'd be cautious, if she just stays in bed all day, depression is more likely to be the primary characteristic, and it might be unwise to look for autism as the explanation.

Also to what extent is she a burden to you, or is it just that you feel she should contribute more? Your partner obviously accepts her the way she is, but is it your joint home and your partner has insisted you help him look after her, or is it his house where the daughter was brought up, possibly from his first marriage, and she lives there on the basis it is where she grew up, or identifies herself with his household?

The reason I ask is that none of your postings imply that she is dependent on you. I get the impression is that she is just there and you are not happy with this. It might be a state of affairs your partner accepts, and you might need to be careful about trying to get her diagnosed without good reason. A diagnoses in any case, might not necessarily be helpful, given the lack of support provided for many adults.

Your partner perhaps needs to be more open with you about her past, whereas he seems not to wish to discuss it.There may be quite complex issues here.

Just because she is a loner and doesn't form friendships could be a manifestation of depression not necessarily autism. Her way of walking and talking to herself aren't necessarily indications of autism - she could be dyspraxic - often very similar in some behaviours. But the thing that puzzles me is you admit to nagging her a lot to do things - if she was autistic she might well react and become very stressed under such pressure, but that she does not react might fit dyspraxic.

Sensory sensitivity and overload (getting very agitated, distressed or even violent reactions) might be expected of autism, also what is her eye contact like, and is it easy to engage her in conversation? Does she follow conversations? Does she fully comprehend the matter of conversation?

Her embarrassing questions about the cost of things might be a bad habit picked up from her father, given you say he does it too. It doesn't sound like autism.

Having a dirty room could be lack of self care, but as much due to depression as a characteristic of autism. On the whole there are few traits you have described that might point to autism. You need a lot more autism indicators than this.  Her speech and gait might otherwise be dyspraxia. Otherwise what you describe is someone with depression associated with lying around doing nothing and lacking motivation.

There is a danger, having found autism as a possibility, of trying too hard to make it fit - but you would see a lot more evidence of actual difficulty in social situations, understanding things, difficulties with environment, including sensory issues, organisational issues (not simply laziness or poor motivation), obsessive behaviours including frequent gestures or behaviours, highly focussed etc etc.

And as I say, it may not necessarily help her, given the deficiencies in support for adults that prevail. The major benefit would be a better understanding of herself, which could boost self confidence and self esteem. But getting someone diagnosed with a cndition that is still not well enugh understood, and often bafflingly poorly supported, isn't necessarily helpful. And might make her feel much worse and much less inclined to get motivated.