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Masking Problems

s08

Hey guys I'm looking for some advice or to possibly relate to someone. 

I was diagnosed Autistic in adulthood. As loads of Autistic people do, I mask a lot, both around strangers and the closest of family. Because of this, some members haven't been very understanding or supportive. I've shared my information and experience on social media but these individuals believe I'm putting on an act or making it up. Claiming that I am lying to the Autistic community and that I'll end up "exposed" and the community I've built will soon find out and come after me.

Now, I have some more "noticeable" signs such as difficulty with socialisation and social understanding, but I tend to mask almost every other trait, and only my partner and immediate household members have had an insight to the "real me" (emphasis on the fact that no one has seen me fully unmasked. I suppose my question is what do I do from here? I thought a diagnosis would help others understand me and allow me to express my hidden difficulties, but it seems that I have to continue hiding them more so now than ever. I also worry in case someone brings these apparent lies to light and then my community and customers will be let down when I've actually done nothing wrong!

Parents

  • I think I still mask around the vast majority of people in my life, with the exception of my therapist and my one trusted contact (no friends currently because I pushed them all away), and even then I'm only vaguely allowing the real me to come out.

    I think I'm still extremely conscious of my behaviour and movements and facial expressions and everything else, but at the same time not as much as I used to be.

    I don't want you to feel like you have to keep hiding your difficulties. I have spent most of my life downplaying my struggles and withholding support, and I haven't come away unscathed. Because I was so ashamed of asking for support I pushed it down and I still struggle.

    I think it's important to have those people you can be honest with (not just mentioning that you're autistic) and hopefully allow the real you to come out. Be it close friends or whoever.

    I don't think you're lying either. You are very appreciated within this community. 

  • in reply to HMO

    Thank you so much for your kind words.

    It's so hard when you think you're making progress and then it backfires! I know from masking almost always I'm so exhausted from it so I hope one day it can drop a little and the reactions will be kind.

  • in reply to s08

    The main advice I'd give you is to not put pressure on yourself (at all). There's no need to do it all at once.

    I'm still in that place of worrying what the reaction is, but I go out and about with my sunflower lanyard on so I'm getting there!

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