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Day 1 : Feeling both optimistic and terrified

Dogtooth

So,

Im going to be 100% honest here. 

Those that know me know i have addiction issues, and not just a little bit. I am fed up with having the meltdowns like last week. Yesterday was my 14 year anniversary so me and my wife went for dinner and a few drinks. 

She knows about my issues, but knows i am trying, so she supports rather than scolds me. When we got home i found a reason to 'pop' out and bought some cocaine. Not proud, but the truth. 

I have finished it, and have no substances or alcohol in the house. Im at work sitting at my desk with the usual train of thoughts going round my head and i made a decision. 100 days totally sober. 

Ive text my wife and told her and she agrees it will be a good idea and is going to join me. 

So this is it. Hour 1 of day 1. 

Its quite nice in a way to think this could be the last comedown i ever have. 

Wish me luck. 

Dog

Parents

  • Thank you. 

    I am fully in the comedown now and feel absolutely rubbish. Im trying to appreciate this feeling, as i have earned it. When i finally pop out the other side it will have been worth it. 

    Two hours sober. The crushing guilt has hit me hard but again im owning it. My wife deserves better. 

  • in reply to Dogtooth
    Dogtooth said:
    Two hours sober. The crushing guilt has hit me hard but again im owning it. My wife deserves better. 

    Both she and you understand addiction and how hard it is to deal with which is a real positive oddly enough.

    It is never going to be easy to deal with and there are probably going to be slips so make sure you are prepared to deal with them and get help.

    If you are not yet with a group like narcotics anonymous then I would suggest joining and getting a mentor. They will have been there like you and can support you when you need it and help you keep clean when you waver.

    It is great your wife supports you so make sure you are good to her as often as possible and tell her how much it means to you, but put the effort in to be better for her. She is a good reason to stay sober so keep a reminder of her somewhere you will come across when you next get the urge to slip.

    Maybe write yourself a letter to read the next time you are thinking of popping out for that next fix - it may make a difference.

    Look back at the event and consider if there was any trigger that caused the relapse so you can learn to avoid it in future. It is done and cannot be changed so use it as a learning event and a driver to be better.

    For now, get back on the wagon and tell your wife how much you love her and demonstrate your attempts to get sober are serious.

    Addictin sucks big time, but you can beat it one day at a time.

Reply
  • in reply to Dogtooth
    Dogtooth said:
    Two hours sober. The crushing guilt has hit me hard but again im owning it. My wife deserves better. 

    Both she and you understand addiction and how hard it is to deal with which is a real positive oddly enough.

    It is never going to be easy to deal with and there are probably going to be slips so make sure you are prepared to deal with them and get help.

    If you are not yet with a group like narcotics anonymous then I would suggest joining and getting a mentor. They will have been there like you and can support you when you need it and help you keep clean when you waver.

    It is great your wife supports you so make sure you are good to her as often as possible and tell her how much it means to you, but put the effort in to be better for her. She is a good reason to stay sober so keep a reminder of her somewhere you will come across when you next get the urge to slip.

    Maybe write yourself a letter to read the next time you are thinking of popping out for that next fix - it may make a difference.

    Look back at the event and consider if there was any trigger that caused the relapse so you can learn to avoid it in future. It is done and cannot be changed so use it as a learning event and a driver to be better.

    For now, get back on the wagon and tell your wife how much you love her and demonstrate your attempts to get sober are serious.

    Addictin sucks big time, but you can beat it one day at a time.

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