over the past few years, since moving out of my parent’s home, friends and flatmates have noticed certain behaviours / responses to social situations and thought I was neurodivergent. before, i had never considered it for a second. after reading into it a little, a lot of struggles that ive had throughout my childhood made a little more sense. i shelved the thought of looking into it further because i didn’t think i would be neurodivergent ‘enough’ for a diagnosis.
growing up, i was a high academic achiever, i worked so hard to stay on top and placed all my value and self worth into that. after leaving high school and taking a gap year i felt incredibly lost and very slow at social development. it took me two years since leaving school to move into my own flat and return to education. it often makes me feel very inadequate, that whatever ability i had to ‘mask’ so well as a child has disappeared and now being in lectures with people younger than me increases that shame more. i also think it’s the reason that i haven’t pursued a diagnosis because in my mind it feels as though i have/am failing.
after having a close friend, who has read a lot into neurodivergence, listen to me voice my anxieties around my own thought processes, how i communicate with people at work and other friends - i feel like pursuing a diagnosis is now the right thing to do. more importantly, I feel that it’s a necessary step for me to show some support for myself.
my main worry now is that if i do receive a diagnosis, how do i deal with it? do i tell friends? work? my family? i am worried that any neurodivergent term will become somewhat of a moniker. or everything i do around them will be observed differently. that i will have gone from a self-sufficient high achiever to someone who needs assistance or to be accommodated and reassured. i know some of this might just be in my head, but i often wonder if it’s in my head because there is truth in it. are there any recommendations on how to overcome this? or on how to cope throughout the diagnosis process?
