how do i overcome internalised stigma?

over the past few years, since moving out of my parent’s home, friends and flatmates have noticed certain behaviours / responses to social situations and thought I was neurodivergent. before, i had never considered it for a second. after reading into it a little, a lot of struggles that ive had throughout my childhood made a little more sense. i shelved the thought of looking into it further because i didn’t think i would be neurodivergent ‘enough’ for a diagnosis.

growing up, i was a high academic achiever, i worked so hard to stay on top and placed all my value and self worth into that. after leaving high school and taking a gap year i felt incredibly lost and very slow at social development. it took me two years since leaving school to move into my own flat and return to education. it often makes me feel very inadequate, that whatever ability i had to ‘mask’ so well as a child has disappeared and now being in lectures with people younger than me increases that shame more. i also think it’s the reason that i haven’t pursued a diagnosis because in my mind it feels as though i have/am failing.

after having a close friend, who has read a lot into neurodivergence, listen to me voice my anxieties around my own thought processes, how i communicate with people at work and other friends - i feel like pursuing a diagnosis is now the right thing to do. more importantly, I feel that it’s a necessary step for me to show some support for myself.

my main worry now is that if i do receive a diagnosis, how do i deal with it? do i tell friends? work? my family? i am worried that any neurodivergent term will become somewhat of a moniker. or everything i do around them will be observed differently. that i will have gone from a self-sufficient high achiever to someone who needs assistance or to be accommodated and reassured. i know some of this might just be in my head, but i often wonder if it’s in my head because there is truth in it. are there any recommendations on how to overcome this? or on how to cope throughout the diagnosis process?

drea30 over 2 years ago in reply to Iain

thanks for sharing the link! i think recovering help in areas such as university studies and work would be very beneficial for me and definitely something i should pursue upon an official diagnosis. also, knowing that it is my information to share as and when i please and only if i am comfortable doing so is a relief. thank you for your response!
drea30 over 2 years ago in reply to Martin

thank you! that’s very reassuring. i suppose it is the generalised stereotypes that concern me and i should probably give my close friends and family the benefit of the doubt that they will have a positive reaction rather than a negative one. i also suppose i hadn’t considered how the diagnosis would benefit me in terms of helping me introspectively understand my behaviours and help me seek out the right support that I need. thanks again for sharing :))
Martin over 2 years ago

Receiving an autism diagnosis does not change your essential self, you will be the same person, but with greater self-knowledge and more tools to help you navigate life. If you know your traits and limitations to a greater extent, then your 'work-arounds' become more effective. Any intelligent autistic person can generate and use work-arounds that allow easier day-to-day life in the neurotypical world. After an autism diagnosis, people who like you will still like you, you are the same person.

I was diagnosed at 59, shortly after taking early retirement after a career in scientific research. I told my immediate family, my extended family and close friends. I had some expressions of puzzlement - autism knowledge is largely limited to stereotypes within the population as a whole - but nothing negative, and some very positive responses.
Iain over 2 years ago

drea30 said:
my main worry now is that if i do receive a diagnosis, how do i deal with it? do i tell friends? work? my family

If you receive a diagnosis then that is all it is - a piece of paper / email.

What you chose to do with it is entirely up to you. You have no obligation to divulge it to anyone if you don't want to so in that effect, it makes no difference whatsoever and never has to if you so choose.

What it will give you is information - something that will let you understand your mind better and give you the starting point on how to address the issues you are experiencing.

Why not take a free online test to see if you have a probability of being autistic (it is not definitive but should give a good indication):

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism-test#take-the-quiz

If it is a strong indicator of autism then speak to the college/university and see if they can help get a formal assessment.

From this you can decide what you want to learn about it - there are lots of online resources and books you can use to better understand what autism is and how to develop coping mechanisms for the traits which are problematic for you.

Don't worry. Learn and empower yourself and in doing so you will gain self confidence.

As for what others think - learn to care less, maybe educate them a little and become comfortable being you.

There can be other benefits, especially if you get an official diagnosis and show this to the college/uni so you can get some changes made to make it easier to study. There may even be some benefits available where you are - I'm not up to date with the options available.

It isn't an illness, just a fact that our brains developed differently to the majority of people and this causes us a range of symptoms, mostly around the way we process sensory input and ideas. It can be used to your advantage if you can find where your mind works at peak efficiency.