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Can't cope anymore, knowing and sharing that I am autistic or ND didn't help or makes things better

NAS80873

I can't cope anymore, and I really can't see how things could get better

Why do I not deserve an inspiring, positive and fulfilling job and career prospects

I am trapped in an unhealthy place because I suck at interviews and have lost all my confidence

I am also trapped because of the shitty organisation I work for

No good company has ever hired me

I am not a pleasant person; I think I deserve better and my communication style is ***

My workplace is causing me anxiety and stress

They are probably just running through the motions, hoping I will resign

I suck at networking and all the things one is supposed to do to get ahead in life

I have become bitter

I cried uncontrollably and imagined stabbing myself with a knife in the belly, or did I imagine stabbing somebody else... who knows.... I won't do either

Are other people being briefed about how difficult and negative I am and is this why I can't get a job somewhere else

I have been moved to a job that I don't want to do and it's not healthy for me, and they know because I told them about my autism and how this role isn't a good fit

Somebody from HR reached out about a similar job to what I was in before but alone the thought of having to work with these managers is causing me anxiety and stress. I don't want to go there anyhow

It's complicated and depressing and so hopeless

I have a boyfriend sine a few months who says he thinks I am great and that he's with me and he supports me, but it's sadly not helping

I am apparently very intelligent, but nobody seems to care, I am just as a person unattractive, and they probably think I can't do the job

I hate my life

And my anxiety is getting worse and I don't know how to cope anymore

  • Oh I felt this hard. I remember sitting in my room one day, feeling trapped in my toxic job, lonely, pathetic and just like nothing would ever get better. As someone mentioned before, it's a slow and unsteady process out of that pit, but you can do it. It might seem difficult, but the first step is trying to make time that's separate from work and doing your best to make changes there. Focus on a hobby, join a club, maybe do some volunteer work -- something that can help you identify more of your personality (which I'm absolutely sure is not unpleasant) outside of work. Eventually you'll build up enough emotional energy to get out of that toxic workspace and move somewhere more accepting. There are places and I'm sure you'll find them. Go easy on yourself and take it one step at a time. 

  • Do look for a better job that fits you, because you do deserve better.  Something that links in with your special interests, perhaps, so that you can bd confident at the interview. And you can ask for accommodations at interview level like getting the questions in advance.  There are also services available for helping disabled people find work that suits them. Start researching and see what you can find.

    Desperation can make us brave!

  • What you describe above.....been there, done that.

    Not happy times, and as you say "It's complicated and depressing and so hopeless."

    I slowly dragged myself up out of that pit of despair and misery only after hitting rock bottom - and staying there for too long.

    I think everyone's path out of it is different, but I think that I started to make progress when I began to actually laugh at myself !!

    Rather than repeating the type of things you have written above to myself over-and-over, I started to find the overwhelming helplessness of my situation quite funny !!  At the time, I wasn't finding anything funny or fun - so it was a bit of a breakthrough for me.  What followed, was really boring and trite incremental improvements to my situation - I started walking more, eating more sensibly, getting a good nights sleep, researching solutions for myself, not caring whether my values met expectations of others etc.

    It can be a long road to recovery, but please do not loose hope.  Don't talk yourself down - you are intelligent, you do have a job, you do have a boyfriend, somebody in HR reached out for you, Debbie reached out for you, I'm reaching out for you.

    Stay strong, and carry on........tough it out......it will get brighter !

    Best wishes.