Can't cope anymore, knowing and sharing that I am autistic or ND didn't help or makes things better

I can't cope anymore, and I really can't see how things could get better

Why do I not deserve an inspiring, positive and fulfilling job and career prospects

I am trapped in an unhealthy place because I suck at interviews and have lost all my confidence

I am also trapped because of the shitty organisation I work for

No good company has ever hired me

I am not a pleasant person; I think I deserve better and my communication style is ***

My workplace is causing me anxiety and stress

They are probably just running through the motions, hoping I will resign

I suck at networking and all the things one is supposed to do to get ahead in life

I have become bitter

I cried uncontrollably and imagined stabbing myself with a knife in the belly, or did I imagine stabbing somebody else... who knows.... I won't do either

Are other people being briefed about how difficult and negative I am and is this why I can't get a job somewhere else

I have been moved to a job that I don't want to do and it's not healthy for me, and they know because I told them about my autism and how this role isn't a good fit

Somebody from HR reached out about a similar job to what I was in before but alone the thought of having to work with these managers is causing me anxiety and stress. I don't want to go there anyhow

It's complicated and depressing and so hopeless

I have a boyfriend sine a few months who says he thinks I am great and that he's with me and he supports me, but it's sadly not helping

I am apparently very intelligent, but nobody seems to care, I am just as a person unattractive, and they probably think I can't do the job

I hate my life

And my anxiety is getting worse and I don't know how to cope anymore