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Cycling puncture panic

AuTriker

I have a physical disability as well as being self-diagnosed autistic and ADHD with alexythymia. I got a trike (hence my name here) a few years ago and it has revolutionised my health and wellbeing being able to exercise and the pure joy and freedom.

But sometimes I get a puncture, as most cyclists do especially living in a hawthorn area, and I find that very hard to deal with, it causes many negative feelings. I am unable to fix it myself as I am so feeble I can't even unscrew the valve let along anything else, so my husband has to fix it for me. But he does not deal well with the result of my feeling these bad feelings which make me panicky and I feel the need to get as much control of the situation as I can but he then says I don't trust him to fix a puncture and he gets in a strop too. This then makes me feel worse. I can't just let him get on with it because a) he hasn't always found the broken off thorn inside the tyre which then gives me another punny right away so I need to use my hypersenses to feel for it even though I find it hard and b) not once but twice he has failed to reseat the bead so a bit of inner tube bulges out and goes bang very loudly and destroys the whole tube. So I do have to be involved even though I would dearly love to just let him get on with it!

I try to unpick the bad emotions it makes me feel. One is that I view the trike as an extension of my body in a way so when it goes wrong it taps into the feeling I get when my body doesn't work. Of course with the trike it is not physical pain and possible to buy new parts for unlike a body, but it is feelings and those are hard to shift! Second if there is some problem which can't be fixed quickly then I might not be able to ride for a while which means I will get unfit as it is so hard to keep on the condition required to cycle up hills without it feeling horrible (we do not have any flat rides from the house!) especially at this time of the year when the weather often keeps me in. Also I feel trapped which makes me feel panicky.

Then there is the unhappy fact that husband and I do not work well together. He does not deal well with my autism. He keeps asking what is wrong with me even though I keep saying it is my autism and he knows that and stop asking me stupid pointless unhelpful questions he already knows the answer to! If I make odd sounds to stop him speaking as I cannot process his words or that he interrupts me then he mocks me by copying the sounds and asking why I am making the sounds even though he "$*&%$ knows why! I know it is just his own issues as he has schizo-affective disorder and that or his meds seem to mean he incapable of not triggering me but it is so hard that I have to deal with that as well as the event which is triggering for me and I am very likely to have a meltdown. This is bad enough at home but even worse on the road!

Cycling is the only form of exercise I can really do so I feel bad when I can't do it and it makes me more tense. After a ride I am much calmer, but as this is one of my coping mechanisms when this breaks down I feel really bad! Maybe in an ideal world I'd have two trikes in case one wasn't working! I went for a great ride on Tuesday but then was too tired Thursday, busy yesterday and now I have a puncture and if I had done what he suggested and let him get the trike out the car this morning then we could have fixed it and ridden today but I resisted that, not sure why? Sometimes I just can't deal with things and I am still tired from yesterday. So part of it is my own fault.

Bit of a rant really and also a bit first world problems, but it is a problem for me. I am also worried with that and other things on the trike that needs fixing (the seat, mudguards, chain guard etc) which I don't get to because I can't make myself deal with things until I have to but that usually means that I can't ride and then if the thing can't be fixed right away that a huge problem but I still can't do it because it is too hard! Aaargh, I am so annoying! And then if I just don't cycle then I will get unfit again and my anxiety and depression will get worse and I'll be even less able to do anything about it. 

Parents

  • Hi, I can relate to this so much- I am terrified of my bike breaking down or having a puncture- I used to be very active physically (hiking, running, cycling, horseriding, anything outdoors really) until I got injured and still have lots of joint issues- I can't do much anymore but my gentle daily cycle and short walk that I can still do is part of my routine that I need to function. Exercise was always the only thing that was able to bring me down and calm my mind and relax me and it's already been so hard to not be able to properly exercise for 3 years so I am very attached to the few remnants of exercise I can do...  I had my bike break down quite a few times over past months and it was horrible- I know rationally that my reaction was way out of proportion but I utterly panicked and weeks afterwards everytime I rode my bike I was terrified of having a puncture or another issue again. Then when I moved and had no good place to lock up and store my bike I couldn't sleep well as I was terrified it would be stolen (and I would get up to look out of window and check on it) and also worried it would rust in the rain. I am very attached to my bike and am anxious about using any other bike as I feel like that might upset my knee or joints more... I wish I was able to make minor repairs on my own or that I just had a second bike as a backup. I know this is crazy but I have had so many changes in my life recently and I cling on desperately to this part of my routine.

    A few ideas: Is there anywhere in your area where you can rent a bike in case yours breaks down? Or a neighbour or someone that you could borrow a bike from? Have you contacted the various bike shops in your area and worked out if there are any that are able to do fast repairs for simple issues? (Since I moved I haven't figured that out yet but before that it was really useful to know that there was one bike shop that was able to do same day or next day repairs if you went at right time whilst most other shops would take a week even for simple things like a puncture). I wish there were some courses on how to fix a bike... I know there are lots of videos online but I would never feel comfortable experimenting with my own bike as I would be scared to break it/ worsen the issue. 

    It's a fine balance- I find it helps to have backup plans in place in case your bike does break down (eg. where can you borrow a replacement and where can you get it repaired?) but on the other hand it is also stressful if you keep thinking about all the possible issues that could arise and how you would solve them- that can just result in even more anxiety. I struggle myself to draw the line and not overthink and worry about this. Not sure if any of this helps but you are not alone ... 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Sorry, I meant to reply to you sooner but got distracted! Joint issues are so difficult. I used to be quite active until I got arthritis around age 20 which was horrible. Then I had pain and no energy so didn't do much for a few years except a bit of walking and also I did take up horse riding, but for various reasons I stopped the horse riding and then I was less and less able to walk, and it isn't enough to have a slow short walk a couple of times a week so I was getting really ill until I got high blood pressure and had to sort myself out.

    I did try side saddle horse riding which I found easier on my joints and surprisingly secure. But that is not a cheap hobby! Have you looked into disability sports? Doing that was how I found out about trikes, and also did some disability sailing. I'd have liked to try canoeing but that was too far away from where I live. Often the disability sports are charities so a cheaper way to access fun outdoor activities if you can find one near you.

    You can get rain covers for motorbikes, maybe try one of those for your bike? There are some places that do bicycle maintenance courses. And some places that fix bikes up for charities, if you found one like that near you they might teach you and you experiment on the charity bikes. Or you could even try getting hold of a free or very cheap fixer upper bike just to experiment on, even if it was just a kid's bike it would work for trying fixing things and then if you managed to fix it you could give it away.

    Thanks for the ideas. I can't rent one as it is a trike not a bike and they are rather rare. My cycle repair guy is very good and will go the extra mile to fix a thing if there is a panic, but sometimes parts take time to order, especially unusual trike parts, although most of the parts are normal bike parts. I ought to try and order the bits I am going to need before I need them, but I am struggling to make myself do this because poor executive functioning!

    Part of me is glad I'm not alone, but most of me wishes neither of us was struggling with this!

  • in reply to AuTriker
    AuTriker said:
    arthritis

    I knew whom I suspect of being autistic, except he is dead now so I can't verify, he had arthitis, constantly in pain  I learnt what it is first time when I was 9, after I had skiing accident and broke my left arm. Ever since, every cold wet winter my joints aches, my right hand wrist is even worse now, hurts all the time, after I had bones fractured twice. But my mind learnt to ignore it, after first spike of pain it just switches it off for a while, but that means natural warning system is disabled, so I can damage it further without knowing

  • in reply to AuTriker

    I did get a lot of beating as a kid as well, so grate your teeth and imagine your ironwill will help you endure it, that was the beginning, and it turned into habit. I don't think I grate my teeth anymore when in pain,

    as the bible says: faith can move mountains Stuck out tongue

    I do it on other occassions, like when I'm angry, I mean teeth grating

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Wow, that's a useful skill to be able to switch it off! I have to ignore it up to a point, but being able to switch it off would sure help with going to sleep! Although I do see the downside too.

Reply Children
  • in reply to AuTriker

    I did get a lot of beating as a kid as well, so grate your teeth and imagine your ironwill will help you endure it, that was the beginning, and it turned into habit. I don't think I grate my teeth anymore when in pain,

    as the bible says: faith can move mountains Stuck out tongue

    I do it on other occassions, like when I'm angry, I mean teeth grating