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Cycling puncture panic

AuTriker

I have a physical disability as well as being self-diagnosed autistic and ADHD with alexythymia. I got a trike (hence my name here) a few years ago and it has revolutionised my health and wellbeing being able to exercise and the pure joy and freedom.

But sometimes I get a puncture, as most cyclists do especially living in a hawthorn area, and I find that very hard to deal with, it causes many negative feelings. I am unable to fix it myself as I am so feeble I can't even unscrew the valve let along anything else, so my husband has to fix it for me. But he does not deal well with the result of my feeling these bad feelings which make me panicky and I feel the need to get as much control of the situation as I can but he then says I don't trust him to fix a puncture and he gets in a strop too. This then makes me feel worse. I can't just let him get on with it because a) he hasn't always found the broken off thorn inside the tyre which then gives me another punny right away so I need to use my hypersenses to feel for it even though I find it hard and b) not once but twice he has failed to reseat the bead so a bit of inner tube bulges out and goes bang very loudly and destroys the whole tube. So I do have to be involved even though I would dearly love to just let him get on with it!

I try to unpick the bad emotions it makes me feel. One is that I view the trike as an extension of my body in a way so when it goes wrong it taps into the feeling I get when my body doesn't work. Of course with the trike it is not physical pain and possible to buy new parts for unlike a body, but it is feelings and those are hard to shift! Second if there is some problem which can't be fixed quickly then I might not be able to ride for a while which means I will get unfit as it is so hard to keep on the condition required to cycle up hills without it feeling horrible (we do not have any flat rides from the house!) especially at this time of the year when the weather often keeps me in. Also I feel trapped which makes me feel panicky.

Then there is the unhappy fact that husband and I do not work well together. He does not deal well with my autism. He keeps asking what is wrong with me even though I keep saying it is my autism and he knows that and stop asking me stupid pointless unhelpful questions he already knows the answer to! If I make odd sounds to stop him speaking as I cannot process his words or that he interrupts me then he mocks me by copying the sounds and asking why I am making the sounds even though he "$*&%$ knows why! I know it is just his own issues as he has schizo-affective disorder and that or his meds seem to mean he incapable of not triggering me but it is so hard that I have to deal with that as well as the event which is triggering for me and I am very likely to have a meltdown. This is bad enough at home but even worse on the road!

Cycling is the only form of exercise I can really do so I feel bad when I can't do it and it makes me more tense. After a ride I am much calmer, but as this is one of my coping mechanisms when this breaks down I feel really bad! Maybe in an ideal world I'd have two trikes in case one wasn't working! I went for a great ride on Tuesday but then was too tired Thursday, busy yesterday and now I have a puncture and if I had done what he suggested and let him get the trike out the car this morning then we could have fixed it and ridden today but I resisted that, not sure why? Sometimes I just can't deal with things and I am still tired from yesterday. So part of it is my own fault.

Bit of a rant really and also a bit first world problems, but it is a problem for me. I am also worried with that and other things on the trike that needs fixing (the seat, mudguards, chain guard etc) which I don't get to because I can't make myself deal with things until I have to but that usually means that I can't ride and then if the thing can't be fixed right away that a huge problem but I still can't do it because it is too hard! Aaargh, I am so annoying! And then if I just don't cycle then I will get unfit again and my anxiety and depression will get worse and I'll be even less able to do anything about it. 

Parents

  • Would you be able to get puncture proof or solid tyres fitted on your trike?

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I've looked into that. Solid tyres are not suitable. Tubeless is interesting but I think I'd need different rims and that is not such a simple solution. I did have some inner tubes with sealant in but when they do get a puncture they can't fix themselves it seems a patch doesn't stick well.

  • in reply to AuTriker

    Anything which reduces your reliance on your husband fixing it is worth considering.

    As hard as it is you may have remove yourself from the situation, in order to try and avoid a meltdown at the roadside. Hopefully your husband will learn from the mistakes he is making with the repairs. 

    It sounds a difficult situation with your husband. Having his own issues does not excuse mocking you. 

    I have a situation with my elderly mum, who finds it increasingly difficult to avoid triggering me. I ask her to stop on a particular topic and then a few minutes later she forgets, starts up again and triggers a meltdown. I know she does not do it deliberately and it is so upsetting for her to see me like that.

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I did like having the sealant in until the patching didn't work well. I am very triggered by waste and the way some cyclists just chuck inner tubes away without even trying to patch them really bothers me. I'm not sure I am able to try and action finding a better solution though, I have tried and the best we managed was the sealant inner tubes.

    Unfortunately he doesn't seem good at learning from his mistakes. It is a very difficult situation as he is very helpful and kind when he understands. He does all the cooking and washing up and does other things too. But he seems to think that is enough without changing how he speaks to me, even though his counsellor is emphasising his own negative self talk is bad and thus so is how he talks to me. And if I complain he says but I cooked you dinner isn't that enough? And calls me ungrateful. Which I'm not, but I don't think it's too much to ask for him to try to not trigger me.

    As uncomfortable as it would be for me, I do wonder if maybe videoing the conversation (for want of a better word!) might help us analyse it and understand what we could both do to improve. But I'm not sure if I'd remember to do that when it happened...

    It is difficult for him I'm sure and rather a ridiculous sight, a middle aged woman having what must look like a toddler temper tantrum. I have tried to tell him I hate it too and I really don't want to be in that state and he can help by staying calm and gentle. But in the moment he seems unable to remember that. I don't know if it is his meds make him unable to remember in a time of stress. I do try to change how I respond but it is jolly hard.

    Like with your mum I have to believe he isn't doing it deliberately or he would be a sociopath, which I do not think he is. We have even tried his having a short list to memorise and consult but even then he couldn't manage it! So it must be somehow down to me to control my reaction to both the trigger and to him. I think the best we can manage might be for him to stay quiet while I calm down, but he will have a go at me for being rude and telling him to shut up! Even when I remember to use the words please don't speak for a bit!

    I'm really not sure what the solution is, but it does help discussing it calmly and trying to think of options in a forum where people understand where I am coming from, thanks. My Dad can be a good sounding board, but he doesn't really get my problems and can get a bit frustrated with me (he is also undiagnosed autistic).

Reply
  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I did like having the sealant in until the patching didn't work well. I am very triggered by waste and the way some cyclists just chuck inner tubes away without even trying to patch them really bothers me. I'm not sure I am able to try and action finding a better solution though, I have tried and the best we managed was the sealant inner tubes.

    Unfortunately he doesn't seem good at learning from his mistakes. It is a very difficult situation as he is very helpful and kind when he understands. He does all the cooking and washing up and does other things too. But he seems to think that is enough without changing how he speaks to me, even though his counsellor is emphasising his own negative self talk is bad and thus so is how he talks to me. And if I complain he says but I cooked you dinner isn't that enough? And calls me ungrateful. Which I'm not, but I don't think it's too much to ask for him to try to not trigger me.

    As uncomfortable as it would be for me, I do wonder if maybe videoing the conversation (for want of a better word!) might help us analyse it and understand what we could both do to improve. But I'm not sure if I'd remember to do that when it happened...

    It is difficult for him I'm sure and rather a ridiculous sight, a middle aged woman having what must look like a toddler temper tantrum. I have tried to tell him I hate it too and I really don't want to be in that state and he can help by staying calm and gentle. But in the moment he seems unable to remember that. I don't know if it is his meds make him unable to remember in a time of stress. I do try to change how I respond but it is jolly hard.

    Like with your mum I have to believe he isn't doing it deliberately or he would be a sociopath, which I do not think he is. We have even tried his having a short list to memorise and consult but even then he couldn't manage it! So it must be somehow down to me to control my reaction to both the trigger and to him. I think the best we can manage might be for him to stay quiet while I calm down, but he will have a go at me for being rude and telling him to shut up! Even when I remember to use the words please don't speak for a bit!

    I'm really not sure what the solution is, but it does help discussing it calmly and trying to think of options in a forum where people understand where I am coming from, thanks. My Dad can be a good sounding board, but he doesn't really get my problems and can get a bit frustrated with me (he is also undiagnosed autistic).

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