No diagnosis - my ex 63 years old

Hi, anyone in similar situation.

i was married 30 confusing years. We separated 8 years ago, and im still thinking !  My son put me onto autism

he was told he had bpd - then i thought was he a narcasist, but that did not sit right as despite odd behaviour he is a good person. He refuses to talk, i feel so hurt. 

i believe we struggled with autism.  Is there a group via zoom that i can join., 

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