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Having an Autistic Partner…

NAS81917

I have a partner who is high functioning and very intelligent. I love him dearly. We are trying to negotiate having a relationship and I really struggle with several issues.

Anyone else here have strategies that work or an insight from the other side so to speak?
Thank you

Parents

  • Hi, I’m autistic and my wife isn’t,  you haven’t said which areas you are struggling with, I get told by my wife that I don’t show her love. I do but I just express it differently. We had our wedding anniversary this week, I bought her a card and flowers, I made the comment that I had done well and ticked all the boxes. The evening went down hill as I don’t really like going out. Days like these have expectations which  autistic people sometimes don’t get what the rules are, just the day being different is hard for me. I get told that I never hug, it’s a big sensory overload. I’ve found now that explaining how I am affected helps, my communication isn’t very good and I go quiet,  my wife then thinks I’m trying to be awkward, with now explaining how I feel it saves a lot of arguments. Things like a hug, she now just asks beforehand.

Reply

  • Hi, I’m autistic and my wife isn’t,  you haven’t said which areas you are struggling with, I get told by my wife that I don’t show her love. I do but I just express it differently. We had our wedding anniversary this week, I bought her a card and flowers, I made the comment that I had done well and ticked all the boxes. The evening went down hill as I don’t really like going out. Days like these have expectations which  autistic people sometimes don’t get what the rules are, just the day being different is hard for me. I get told that I never hug, it’s a big sensory overload. I’ve found now that explaining how I am affected helps, my communication isn’t very good and I go quiet,  my wife then thinks I’m trying to be awkward, with now explaining how I feel it saves a lot of arguments. Things like a hug, she now just asks beforehand.

Children
  • in reply to Roy

    Hi Roy, I totally get the sensory overload, I have some video that I show to some of my parents that tries to emulate the level of input being out and about has. To be honest I am in awe that you go out at all. My partner often just goes quiet, I will ask him if this is too much input or me not being explicit enough, thank you.