Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I've posted previously regarding my Son who is autistic, recently diagnosed as a young adult. I am wondering if my daughter who is 10 is struggling and has been off school. Can you take a look at what I'm describing and give your thoughts please?
She has had poor school attendance since Christmas due to what seems to be severe school anxiety and our GP told us to keep her off and referred her to CAMHS. She's was in such a state she would curl up into the fetal position before school and couldn't talk. She has also pretended to be a cat, crawling around, meowing, she wouldn't speak, but wrote a note saying cats don't go to school and told me she wishes she was a cat or dog because they are free. I do not know whether her pretending to be cat is showing us just how anxious she is about school. Has anyone came across this?
Looking back, she has always had some school anxiety mainly around talking to adults, taking part in activities where she has to do anything in front of others. She is also overwhelmed by loud teachers, is very sensitive, doesn't like watching people eat and certain clothing - if clothing doesn't feel right she will get very annoyed (we had this with her brother but his was more obvious with him as a toddler). We also used to enourage her to join activities but she wouldn't want to, arranging all for her only to not be able to go in the building.
I'm also wondering whether she masks, I can only describe it as if a switch is flicked. She is completely different at school and in social situations. She struggles to talk to teachers and when I have seen her talking to them, it's as if she is acting in another voice and as as soon as she is with her immediate and family she is happy and able to speak freely. When with her friends (she has a few) she is very loud but very sensitive and gets upset easily. She recently called a girl out for being mean, no one else picked this up and she ran with it but it got turned onto her and she got very upset as she was only trying to help. She is also very willful and has her own sense of style with clothing and grown up views about things. She's gone through phases and obsessions to do with the Titanic, Anime and space, collecting precious stones. She will also go through food fads, wanting certain foods everyday. I have also noticed she will jump up and flap her hands when happy about something.
She semed very quick to learn when younger, could write her name at the age of 2.5 and her vocabulary was very good. She learnt to read with virtually no help. When she was little, she couldn't go to sleep on her own, had to have the same song sang to her and preferred me reading a children's dictionary to her rather than story books.
Things seem to be falling apart for her and she is struggling. Can anyone offer any insight please? Thank you.
sounds like that was a generic interview not a pre autism assessment assessment. I'd suggest specifically raising autism with CAMHS and asking them to consider assessment.
Sorry. It was for the OP. Trying to genuinely help kids here mostly. Most parents are not being taught about our natural abilities and how to encourage and help grow them. Would rather have a next generation of Amazing Autistics.
I was exactly the same. I home educate my children now and its amazing because I could see them going through the same.
Christ, that was a long post ! I started a bbq at the beginning of this post
and at the end my chicken was burnt !
It's sounds like one of her Autistic additions is Hyperlexia. That's a good one! All of what you describe sound like Autistic-Thinking. We can pick up patterns most cannot. We just perceive and reason different. In an ideal system I'd collect all these amazing autistic kids and put them in their own school where how we think and learn is catered to.
I absolutely adore that she wanted to listen to the dictionary falling asleep! This is fantastic! One thing I've mentioned recently is how a day at the library every week can be soothing for us. Uninerrupted long hours in a designated quiet space to dive into a world of mysteries, it's soothing.
There was a time in history where learning was more important than socialising. That has changed. Now being socially fluid is becoming more important. This has a drawback. We don't live in an era where Autistic Reasoning is respected but a sort of homogenised thinking is expected. There's many reasons for this but it's a consumer mindset. It is now more important than ever that those of us who can see through propaganda, who can sense and learn to identify systems with in systems be encouraged to thrive. If the world just had a social-heavy brain, hyper focused on meaning and belonging with in a tribe, it could be carnage! ;)
Part of what makes the autistic brain unique is our lack of defences, we can be vulnerable and this would've been amazing for early humans in the wild. But this means we can sense everything.
Here's a few notes:
Light: Halogen mimics the sun. LEDs give off an unnatural spectrum. LightAware.org can offer UK residents a light sensitivity card. At night, a few energy saving halogen lamps will give off a much wider spectrum of light than a WHOLE house of LEDs which can have too much UV, a massive spike at Green Light and no Infrared (IR). We use IR light for clarity/contrast.
Natural fibres vs. Clothing made from petroleum by-products. Wool and silk work symbiotically with human skin to naturally regulate body temperature. Cotton is the most breathable and excellent for sleeping. Tree fabrics are naturally cooling, so better for summer only. Polyester, Nylon and other fibres made from Oil are essentially like wearing tar or plastic. The skin cannot breath in them.
Sound: The frequency and decibels we are exposed to, these are not what they were even 20 years ago. I rarely go to the Theatre anymore and I won’t leave home with out ear plugs. Sirens and alarms are louder and at frequencies which can cause deafness. Rooms are not created to absorb sound, it's expensive to hire an acoustician.
Hyper Sensory includes emotions and psychological and is at a Hight Intensity. One can shut down as we feel everything far more intense than typical peers - it's overwhelming. So it sounds like her alternate projections of the self are an attempt to create a sound respected defence when she recognises a disconnexion or that she cannot trust someone she's speaking with. This is VERY Positive.
One should not allow themselves to be vulnerable with most others. I really don't owe anyone my entire being. We are naturally open, raw, vulnerable and being that exposed to the world can feel violating. NeuroTypicals rarely if ever feel 'authentic' or allow themselves or others this kind of exposure. Because of the way the Typical brain is wired, language and semiotics helps them create Defence Mechanisms. Autistics cannot sublimate, and so, as a parent you will notice the shift in 'personality'. Acting classes can help give us tools for this. She can eventually learn to create a guarded mature holistic self and still only allow elements of her soul which she chooses to be present. But this will take years to master. Think of our personality like a painters palette. We don't owe anyone all of our colours. Choose which ones you feel safe exposing.
It sounds like at this point things have hit a threshold. She sounds exhausted.
You say tour Son is Autistic and bearing in mind Autism is something we are born with i think it would make sense to pursue this. It may well be genetic. Best to put your own mind at rest either way.
Thank you for your helpful reply Peter.
We have been to CAMHS and my daughter only managed to nodd when asked if crowds bothered her. They mentioned sensory issues maybe indicating ASD and we are waiting to hear if they can offer help.
One thing to bear in mind is autism often manifests at points of transition like starting a new school. When old coping strategies end up breaking down. An autistic person of average or better intelligence in a forgiving environment with good coping strategies in place may not seem to be autistic. Move them to a less forgiving environment where their coping strategies don't work and it all falls apart.
We get lots of people on here asking 'should I get my child assessed.' The answer is almost always yes. Because there is very little to loose and a great deal to gain, in terms of needed help, if indeed they are autistic.