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Understanding your place in a relationship

Geestar8

Hi I’m georgia and I have a diagnoses as well. I’ve been struggling to understand how to be in a relationship as I can’t seem to keep one. I don’t understand people at all which is ironic as I’m doing a degree in people. I guess what I’m asking is if anyone who can help, I tend to get in a muddle a lot and the people I’m with don’t understand that there’s certain things that I do differently not by choice but by nature and they find it difficult to cope with and I then find it hard to cope with everyone leaving all the time because of me not understanding what’s going on. It’s all very confusing and if I’ve made any sense I would be great fil for a pointers or even someone who’s able to understand me and this difficulty. 
Thankyou Blush

Parents

  • Can you give us some examples of the situations in which people 'leave' because of you?

  • in reply to Peter

    So In past relationships They’ve left because according to what they said I’m emotionless and don’t open up. Also it’s the same over and over with misunderstandings which I know is everyday life with everyone but obviously in my case just listening to someone I can misunderstand them and constantly told this so it’s these issues that has made people leave apparently but personally they were toxic abusive people anyway  

  • in reply to Geestar8

    True Vulnerability is a learned humane exchange. There are requirements. Safety first. 

    In a space I feel I can relax in, one I've created and have agency in where I am not battling sensory input beyond my control, I can be vulnerable. In other words. I can share thoughts out loud with myself and go about life without worrying about errors. 

    Now, there is a way to give others room to prove they're worth trusting. For autistics this can be difficult if we cannot find someone we feel we can share communication with who, when faced with a possible misunderstand will ask rather than assume and won't just make things worse by being cruel or cowardly. 

    But building trust is one thing. ACTUALLY having a decent knowledge of my strengths/weaknesses, of my emotions, of my core principles and about who I am as a human can allow for Real Vulnerability. Add a dose of internal and external humility, respect and kindness and knowledge of my limits/boundaries and I might be in a good place for a healthy relationship provided the other share my principles. 

    One has to feel safe to open up. Find the things you believe in and find others who share those. I've been in too many mis-matched situations and while some might have been salvageable, we still need to feel understood. I don't owe anyone my vulnerability. And they don't owe it to me. This is mine to chose who I give it to.

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  • in reply to Geestar8

    True Vulnerability is a learned humane exchange. There are requirements. Safety first. 

    In a space I feel I can relax in, one I've created and have agency in where I am not battling sensory input beyond my control, I can be vulnerable. In other words. I can share thoughts out loud with myself and go about life without worrying about errors. 

    Now, there is a way to give others room to prove they're worth trusting. For autistics this can be difficult if we cannot find someone we feel we can share communication with who, when faced with a possible misunderstand will ask rather than assume and won't just make things worse by being cruel or cowardly. 

    But building trust is one thing. ACTUALLY having a decent knowledge of my strengths/weaknesses, of my emotions, of my core principles and about who I am as a human can allow for Real Vulnerability. Add a dose of internal and external humility, respect and kindness and knowledge of my limits/boundaries and I might be in a good place for a healthy relationship provided the other share my principles. 

    One has to feel safe to open up. Find the things you believe in and find others who share those. I've been in too many mis-matched situations and while some might have been salvageable, we still need to feel understood. I don't owe anyone my vulnerability. And they don't owe it to me. This is mine to chose who I give it to.

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