Sexual partner with autism

Hi. 

I joined here to ask for help in making a choice

I have met someone on a dating website and after a month or so of chatting we have agreed to meet for casual sex soon. They have just confided that they have an autism diagnosis. I really don't know much about autism, and I want to make a right choice and feel that I need some confidential help.

They have said of their diagnosis that they are highly functioning, have great communication skills, but prone to shyness and perhaps have social inhibitions.

Our online conversation is fantastic, and we get on very well. We seem to be highly compatible. Our desire to meet for sex, without any  further commitment, is mutually acknowledged. I find them very desirable, and the revelation of their autism diagnosis has not diminished this. I am, however, concerned that meeting them in this manner may be damaging. I have tried to research this topic but found myself wading through scientific papers and opinion pieces that only served to confuse me further than I already am.

The main points of my hesitancy are perhaps confounded by my limited knowledge of autism. I feel they do not want to be drawn into an in-depth conversation about their diagnosis. I don't want to push them about it either. Please help.

I don't want to hurt anyone - Could I be damaging or exploiting them by pursuing a non committal sexual relationship? 

But I want us both to have fun - If I cited their mental well-being as the reason not to meet, would I be unjustly denying their own legitimate gratification?

Yesterday I was convinced one way, and today the other. I feel that if I suggest we meet in person so I can get a better understanding, then it would be too late really. We are very attracted to each other, and I sense that meeting in person will definitely lead to intimacy. I would be left with doubts and guilt afterwards.

I hope I have explained clearly. Am I over thinking this? Or am I right to be cautious?

Parents
  • I am currently going through diagnosis but have no doubt in my mind that I am autistic. If I was the person you are meeting, I think the thing I would be most appreciative is acknowledgement that they have probably told you of their diagnosis for a reason, but that you're unsure of what to do with that information. Be honest as you have in this post and tell them that you don't know much about autism, and due to the lack of knowledge you're concerned that you may hurt them or that you may not be doing something they are expecting you to (in terms of support or understanding of ways they are different from neurotypical (non-autistic) people). Maybe ask them is there anything connected to their diagnosis that they want to make you aware of. If they're confident enough to tell you upfront that they are autisitc, and seem confident enough to arrange to meet for casual sex then I would guess that they would be happy to tell you if there is anything they need - particularly due to the physical nature of the relationship 

  • Thank you Spreadsheets.

    They are confident in their online communications, and clear what they want. Though they are not confident in sharing too much of their diagnosis. They would rather focus on the fun.

    I am starting to get the impression that I should do the same. I just did not want to ignore any possibility that this was the wrong thing to do.

    Thank you for the help.

Reply
  • Thank you Spreadsheets.

    They are confident in their online communications, and clear what they want. Though they are not confident in sharing too much of their diagnosis. They would rather focus on the fun.

    I am starting to get the impression that I should do the same. I just did not want to ignore any possibility that this was the wrong thing to do.

    Thank you for the help.

Children
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