Sexual partner with autism

Hi. 

I joined here to ask for help in making a choice

I have met someone on a dating website and after a month or so of chatting we have agreed to meet for casual sex soon. They have just confided that they have an autism diagnosis. I really don't know much about autism, and I want to make a right choice and feel that I need some confidential help.

They have said of their diagnosis that they are highly functioning, have great communication skills, but prone to shyness and perhaps have social inhibitions.

Our online conversation is fantastic, and we get on very well. We seem to be highly compatible. Our desire to meet for sex, without any  further commitment, is mutually acknowledged. I find them very desirable, and the revelation of their autism diagnosis has not diminished this. I am, however, concerned that meeting them in this manner may be damaging. I have tried to research this topic but found myself wading through scientific papers and opinion pieces that only served to confuse me further than I already am.

The main points of my hesitancy are perhaps confounded by my limited knowledge of autism. I feel they do not want to be drawn into an in-depth conversation about their diagnosis. I don't want to push them about it either. Please help.

I don't want to hurt anyone - Could I be damaging or exploiting them by pursuing a non committal sexual relationship? 

But I want us both to have fun - If I cited their mental well-being as the reason not to meet, would I be unjustly denying their own legitimate gratification?

Yesterday I was convinced one way, and today the other. I feel that if I suggest we meet in person so I can get a better understanding, then it would be too late really. We are very attracted to each other, and I sense that meeting in person will definitely lead to intimacy. I would be left with doubts and guilt afterwards.

I hope I have explained clearly. Am I over thinking this? Or am I right to be cautious?

Parents
  • I don't want to hurt anyone - Could I be damaging or exploiting them by pursuing a non committal sexual relationship? 

    No more than you might be with a non autistic person.

    But I want us both to have fun - If I cited their mental well-being as the reason not to meet, would I be unjustly denying their own legitimate gratification?

    I think they'd probably find it patronising and depressing.

    The biggest risk is that he starts to feel attached to you. Which is a risk with all casual sex. But in my experience autistic people tend to live more lonely lives so when people show them affection they can latch onto it more. But then you'd hardly be helping his feelings of loneliness and isolation by rejecting him either.

Reply
  • I don't want to hurt anyone - Could I be damaging or exploiting them by pursuing a non committal sexual relationship? 

    No more than you might be with a non autistic person.

    But I want us both to have fun - If I cited their mental well-being as the reason not to meet, would I be unjustly denying their own legitimate gratification?

    I think they'd probably find it patronising and depressing.

    The biggest risk is that he starts to feel attached to you. Which is a risk with all casual sex. But in my experience autistic people tend to live more lonely lives so when people show them affection they can latch onto it more. But then you'd hardly be helping his feelings of loneliness and isolation by rejecting him either.

Children