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Sexual partner with autism

NAS78164

Hi. 

I joined here to ask for help in making a choice

I have met someone on a dating website and after a month or so of chatting we have agreed to meet for casual sex soon. They have just confided that they have an autism diagnosis. I really don't know much about autism, and I want to make a right choice and feel that I need some confidential help.

They have said of their diagnosis that they are highly functioning, have great communication skills, but prone to shyness and perhaps have social inhibitions.

Our online conversation is fantastic, and we get on very well. We seem to be highly compatible. Our desire to meet for sex, without any  further commitment, is mutually acknowledged. I find them very desirable, and the revelation of their autism diagnosis has not diminished this. I am, however, concerned that meeting them in this manner may be damaging. I have tried to research this topic but found myself wading through scientific papers and opinion pieces that only served to confuse me further than I already am.

The main points of my hesitancy are perhaps confounded by my limited knowledge of autism. I feel they do not want to be drawn into an in-depth conversation about their diagnosis. I don't want to push them about it either. Please help.

I don't want to hurt anyone - Could I be damaging or exploiting them by pursuing a non committal sexual relationship? 

But I want us both to have fun - If I cited their mental well-being as the reason not to meet, would I be unjustly denying their own legitimate gratification?

Yesterday I was convinced one way, and today the other. I feel that if I suggest we meet in person so I can get a better understanding, then it would be too late really. We are very attracted to each other, and I sense that meeting in person will definitely lead to intimacy. I would be left with doubts and guilt afterwards.

I hope I have explained clearly. Am I over thinking this? Or am I right to be cautious?

Parents

  • I think that in general, autism is classified as "neurodiverse" which means it's a different way of thinking and processing information, which might make some things like social interactions difficult because we might find things like social cues difficult to read and might miss things like that. There might be social anxiety because of missed social cues, and not saying the right things at the right time, feeling uncomfortable and out of place, and those sort of things. 

    We generally have personal interests and need a lot of space to pursue those interests. Sometimes It's hard to make friendships and relationships and maintain them for long periods of time, because social interactions can be very draining and overwhelming, because it requires so much processing power, so we need a recovery period to rest. I think that most people need more social interactions than we can usually provide them, which is why maintaining friendships and relationships long term is difficult, unless the partner is okay with giving tons of space, because having space is healthy for a person with autism.

    My opinion about your friendship/relationship with them, is that it seems fine to me. It might be good because there's some intimacy and social interaction, but the person with autism still has enough space to work on their own personal interests which is healthy for them to do, and you  still have the freedom to do what you want with your life too. 

Reply

  • I think that in general, autism is classified as "neurodiverse" which means it's a different way of thinking and processing information, which might make some things like social interactions difficult because we might find things like social cues difficult to read and might miss things like that. There might be social anxiety because of missed social cues, and not saying the right things at the right time, feeling uncomfortable and out of place, and those sort of things. 

    We generally have personal interests and need a lot of space to pursue those interests. Sometimes It's hard to make friendships and relationships and maintain them for long periods of time, because social interactions can be very draining and overwhelming, because it requires so much processing power, so we need a recovery period to rest. I think that most people need more social interactions than we can usually provide them, which is why maintaining friendships and relationships long term is difficult, unless the partner is okay with giving tons of space, because having space is healthy for a person with autism.

    My opinion about your friendship/relationship with them, is that it seems fine to me. It might be good because there's some intimacy and social interaction, but the person with autism still has enough space to work on their own personal interests which is healthy for them to do, and you  still have the freedom to do what you want with your life too. 

Children