Phone calls dread

It depends who to.  Calls for medical reasons are a nightmare - I tend to write, e-mail, anything instead of call them. I know the anxiety will have me in shutdown and I'll make zero sense, if I can say anything at all.  For other official purposes, yes, they make me nervous and exhaust me.  The turn taking is harder to figure and I'm always afraid I haven't expressed what I mean how I mean it.  Job interview stuff is especially hard.

My boyfriend, close friends and family; the people I'm always unmasked with, are fine, I can chat for hours - except my parents but that's because they are deaf as posts and conveying anything needs to be in carefully enunciated monosyllables, lol

I use an app called Call Blocker that automatically hangs up on any incoming calls without letting the phone ring, and doesn't give me any notifications. It means I can still use the SIM card for internet.

I've set a boundary of "no phone calls" and am glad I did. Despite decades of practice, including getting a job in a call center, I've never had a successful phone call with a human. I can't translate the noises into words and respond quickly enough to avoid the other person assuming we've been cut off and hanging up.

The only phone calls I can manage are with machines - e.g. calling my phone provider to check my balance, or when I had to call my credit card provider after they got taken over by another company to confirm I wanted to remain a customer. The machines speak nice and slowly and clearly, and then they wait for you to speak, or even better, to input a response using the keypad. If you've missed what they said they often repeat it. Humans gabble and if they have to repeat anything they change the words second time around so it's even more confusing. Then you have the anxiety of not knowing if they wrote down what you said correctly (they usually don't).

I've started telling services that I cannot do phone calls and require an alternative form of communication due to disability.

Yes! I absolutely hate using the telephone! As a child I used to run to the toilet everytime the phone rang so that my parents couldn't tell me to pick it up!  These days I can just about cope with a short call if there is a reason for it, like making an appointment or ordering medication because I just stick to the same script everytime.

Do you look at the dates of last posted before you reply to these? 

If not, how are you finding them?

If so, what is your goal in replying to them rather than maybe starting a new discussion?

I am mostly curious as to the process that leads to old threads being revived by non bots. 

Withheld numbers and sales calls are a real pain, with all the scams that are going around - but given the current situation back home in Ireland, I’m dreading getting any calls from Ireland when the +353 comes up and if the caller has an Irish accent like myself here in the U.K., I’m dreading that it’s bad news about family members - this happened in 2009 & 2018 respectively when my parents died, first my Mum and then my dad, so I had to ring work immediately re the company’s attendance procedures and then make plans to travel to Ireland at short notice to attend their funerals, which in Rural Irish culture, Irish funerals are a very big deal and this was well before my autism diagnosis (I’m 53 now) and I live alone in the U.K. 21 years, but I’ve always held and renewed an Irish passport in the entire time that I’ve lived here 

Good morning, I'm writing this email because I want to inform you to end my austism for good. I have not been taking my medication for an long period time because I have no issues or problems regarding of the situation I'm in currently. The facts that I'm always been a sociable human being from the very start, good at communicating with others, understanding the way people behaviour and I don't have no problem hearing loud noise everywhere I go. So I would be grateful if you end my austism to refresh a new life.

Talking on the phone can be daunting because we're limited to just the sounds of our voices. In the absence of all other social cues – including gestures, body language and eye contact – we can often feel self-conscious of the sound of our own voices and our choice of words.

I'M EXACTLY LIKE THIS!!! And in my current and last job I have to call a lot. I'm fine if I can get onto a topic that I'm comfortable with or the call follows an obvious structure. But when I get a call I don't expect or want, or have to call someone it is exactly a dread. Ironically I'm fine and no one seems to pick up how awkward it makes me but its tiring!

With that said I had to make calls on behalf of customers and in that situation it never bothered me. Not sure why, maybe because It wasn't about or concerning me. 

And like others have said greeting and ending calls is a problem for me. This is the same for IRL conversations as well. 

Yes! I dread any kind of phonecalls they are too stressful and I never know what to say back when talked to. I avoid phonecalls if possible. 

This is a major issue for me and has been for many years. Like you I think the problem is getting worse the older I get. Nowadays I never answer calls and my mobile is used mainly for texts from banks etc.

The noise of a phone ringing, even if it isn't my own, immediately sends me into panic mode.

The only person I can speak to on the phone these days is my mum. Even then the calls are only when absolutely necessary, short and to the point. I would never dream of phoning anyone for a chat.

I no longer work but when I did work in offices I had major issues trying to cope with phones. The sensory impact of the ringing noise was a big problem for me. It would also cause a lot of issues with colleagues, as they perceived that I didn't take my fair share of answering calls. If I did try to take a message for someone else I would get so flustered that I would get it completely wrong and forget to ask for any contact details or even a name. 

If it is something really simple like making an appointment I can usually cope, as long as I prepare in advance what to say and the call goes exactly to plan. However in real life calls rarely go to plan and then I flounder. I can go mute, get angry or just say yes to anything in order to end the call as quickly as possible.

I struggle to take in and process what the other person is saying. Often things have to be repeated so many times, which is stressful in itself. Then I don't respond in an appropriate way and at the appropriate time. Unless it is something I have scripted in advance I can't think what to say.

I find that I can handle video calls better than phone calls. I think it helps having some visual clues to what the other person is saying. I tend to look at the mouth (never the eyes  ). I think that makes it slightly easier to process what the other person is saying, but I still struggle with being able to reply in the same way as on the phone.

I now avoid phone calls. I much prefer to use email, text or live chat. Even snail mail is a better option. In most cases I can get by with a combination of email and live chat, as long as I have a working internet connection.

The worst organisations for insisting on phone are health services, such as GPs and mental health services. Those are precisely the types of organisations that should be the most willing to provide alternative methods as a reasonable adjustment. However in my experience they are not. Even when I've emailed them and explained they respond either by calling me or sending me an email asking me to call them If I can't phone then I can't access the service.

Hi there , when I have a appointment I say I can't do face to face so they then say ok well doa. Telephone appointment and I say I can't speak on phone because I dread it so much I start to have full blown panic attacks just of the thought. I say I can email or text and they get a funny thinking I'm blowing them off 

Yes - find it difficult - particularly knowing when to speak and when the conversation is over. Letters and emails much easier (thought still sometimes difficult to do).

I also find ending calls extremely awkward, if not impossible. 

It is interesting - and a relief of sorts- to see it as a common factor in this thread. 
This suggests that it is connected with autism in some way. 
I guess it is an inability to understand what ‘social imagination’ would ordinarily provide neurotypical ms.

I can honestly say that this is one of my biggest issues, I feel physically sick when my phone rings and very rarely answer. It has become a joke with people trying to contact me, the normal is that I am hard to communicate with. I was so lucky to have a childhood with no social media and mobile phones.

I have found that nobody ever phones me to ask how I am, it’s always that someone needs something of me. 

Oh yes I can't think of many things worse than having to speak on the phone. Causes me so much anxiety and stress that I actually removed my SIM card so I can't receive calls, but can still make an emergency call if I need to...

My family said I was crazy doing that but I do feel more happy and less anxious having done this, so I'm not too bothered about that. If people wish to talk to me then they can type a message 

Yes. And it's so annoying that so so so so so so so so so so much healthcare stuff require phone use. It has meant that I have avoided seeking help for a whole load of stuff until it got much worse. Often taking months to call for something that should have been called in after persisting for 2 weeks. 

These can be mitigated if there is a set time someone will call me (which they actually follow), and I have information about what will happen so I can make a comprehensive plan to read out from when my words stop working. This is made worse by people phoning me out of the blue when I'm not expecting it and it's important.

One mental health service had an email alternative. I was ecstatic. I sent an email with all the information, including detailing my exact issues with phone calls (exhausting, very hard to initiate, find it hard to articulate, find it hard to process what they're saying, leaves me in a very precarious mental state afterwards), and a request that if a phone conversation is really necessary can I get some more information about what I'll be asked in it and how long it will last and what possible topics will be. 

They sent back an email just with the original number saying to call it.

I haven't done so. I can't bring myself to do so and have just given up on that particular service. 

Difficulty with phone calls doesn't sound debilitating, but it really can be.

Yes I'm exactly the same.  Avoid, avoid, avoid!

We are very much the same regarding this. The way you are and feel on the phone is the exact same for me. I hate the silence, it's so awkward and it makes me feel even more anxious and it seems never ending! I hate that panicky feeling it really is horrible and after the call ends I have to take deep breaths to calm down again. Avoid it if I can.

I'm exactly the same - I much prefer texting, email or online chat.  Talking on the phone causes me to sweat profusely and I just don't understand when it's my turn to talk.  I also hate the weird silences on the phone.  I avoid phone calls - if I have to make them then I keep them short too.  In actual fact just thinking about them now is causing the Panicky feeling.