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please help -could my 5 year old have autism?

Matthews mum

Hello everyone,

Looking for a bit advice. Please bear with me this is going to be a bit of a novel -  I am a mum with a five and a half year old son Matthew.  Yesterday we were at a birthday party and Matthew wasn’t coping particularly well, he has had the cold and it was maybe a bit early to go to a party but it was his wee girlfriends party so we went.  At this point I want to through in that Matthew has a big brother Ethan who is 13th months older. who wasnt at the party and that always makes things a bit harder for him.

I was having a chat to one of the dads at the party, who’s son happens Autistic, and he was remembers that my son didn’t cope well at another party last year.  The other party we left after about half an hour.  He said in no way was he saying Matthew had autism but he noticed similarities in the way his son has a sensitivity problem, for example my son had his fingers in his ears – it was very loud. We chatted about sensitivity and about how Matthew can be quite fussy with his clothes and food. For example it’s a challenge to get him in jeans from when he was a baby or get him in restrictive clothes.   He isn’t much of a mixer and hates party games – cause he always loses!  he was crying serveral times yesterday and I felt awful for letting him go we had to again leave before the end

Anyway so I have come had a look at signs and symptoms and some things strike me as yes he does that, and other things no that’s not Matthew.  For example 

  • He can play on his own for hours: we have always said he is the easiest child in the world to look after.  If you didn’t check on him you could go hours without seeing him
  • From an early age he was brilliant at jigsaws, far better than his brother from around two, and he is great at Maths again better than his brother. 
  • He gets lost in what we have termed ‘Matthew Land’ you can ask him to put his shoes on and twenty minutes later he is still playing with his shoes – this was a massive issue when he was in nursery.  He is much better now, but his primary 1 teacher says she always sends Matthew to get ready first for gym and he is still last. 
  • His speech is very babyish.  He still has his wee baby tone, we think its cute and he will always be Matthew baby.  He cant say all of his ‘r’s.  and more recently he has actually become harder to understand since he started reading.  I had a friend say to me recently that’s the first time I haven’t been able to make him out.  Personally I have had to ask him to repeat himself a lot recently, and his childminder has commented on this too.
  • His balance is not great, his spatial awareness is rubbish, he is very clumsy and good at knocking things over. – but then so am I …
  • I have noticed his eye contact isn’t great he will make eye contact but only for a limited time but I have always put this down to shy cuteness
  • he hates busy and noisy places. i remeber when we went on holiday when he was about 18 months he would not sit in the resturant - he hated it in there and screamed everytime we went in.
  • he was very colicy as a baby - basically had to be held for the 1st six months constantly.

But

  • He met all his milestones, slept through from a normal age, walked at 13 months, talked at the right time, toilet training was a doddle.
  • He is very cuddly and empathetic to other children and animals if upset, is a good sharer.  He hates to be told off, he will get very upset.  His behaviour is very good usually.  Has never been told off at school. He loves to please. 
  • He does not crave routine – he is very flexible. Hes a wee plodder he will plod along with whatever your doing.
  • He loves pretend play.
  • His behaviour has never been that challenging.  However I do remember the 2 – 3 years as him being very stubborn and that he could throw some major meltdowns and if he did he was difficult to handle.  I remember having to negotiate with his big brother saying please let Matthew have this one as hes gonna scream otherwise and you know what its like when he screams.  I did this for a few months and realised how unfair I was being.  I remember one nursery trip when he was about three and a half and that was the worst he ever was  - total meltdown cause he really wanted a soft toy I couldn’t afford to buy and I could hardly even pick him up it took me a good 20 mins to get the situation under control.  I remember another mum on the trip saying her son had similar meltdowns and that it was horrible.  Her son now has an autism diagnosis.

But Matthew isn’t like this anymore and it was only on occasions back then.

I know it’s a spectrum could he be at the hardly effected end of the spectrum?  Or is the daydreaming, the clumsiness the sensitivity all just down to his personality type – where does that stop and autism begin?  And is autism is worth knowing about if he is barely effected, what good would it do him to know this?

Hes been in private nursery since he was 4 months old 3 days a week, then regular nursery and now school and no caregiver has ever mentioned any concerns.  In fact he sheet for going to school was all ticked green – hes right on schedule with everything, compared to the friend with autism whose sheet was all red and amber.

I know no one here can tell me if he does or doesn’t – but is it worth checking out to see if he does? Or does it sound like no way does he have it and its all personality?

Any advice gratefully received.

  • Hi Azalea,

    Thank you for sharing what must be very difficult memories.  I am sorry you have had such a tough time of it.  Sometimes it can be hard looking back and you see what you felt, and sometimes its harder, as you remember how you felt in that moment but sometimes thats not how it was, just how it felt? and sometimes I look back at my past and imagine how it must have felt, but at the time it really didn't feel that bad it just looks bad looking back? i dont know if that makes sense? memory can be a funny thing.  I can not know for sure of course, but I am sure that either your parents or whoever was close to you adored you, sometimes its easier to remember the bad moments than the good.

    I here what your saying about whether the eye contact things is becuase you should be like that  or whether you do have trouble with it,  its like me now looking for signs with Matthew is it really like that or is it just cause im looking for it i see it? you could torture yourself with these type of questions lol

    I did wonder if you have ever had any form of counselling to help you make sence of your feelings around who you are and not fitting in, and perhaps dealing with some of the thoughts you have about your past.  I have had counselling throughout my life and have always found it to be a benefit to work through feelings,  granted its not for everyone, but people often have misconceptions around it,  unless you try you will never know.

    Thank you for speaking to me around your feelings re early diagnoisis and I truely wish you all the best for your future Lisa xx 

     

  • thank you for the links Yousif I will check them out Lisa

  • To find out if your son/daughter has autism/Asperger's syndrome they would needto go for a formal diagnostic assessment. This section provides further informationon getting a diagnosis:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis.aspx

    You may also want to look at our section that provides advice for parents, relatives and carers of people with autism.

    http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/parents-relatives-and-carers...

    Best,

    Yousif 

  • Thank you Hope for sharing how Aspergers effects you and how you have learned to cope with some aspects of it.

    I think in relation to Matthew your comment about watch and see is probably the right one.  I am not going to actively pursue thoughts around Aspergers but keep it in the back of my mind.

    I have decided to refer him to speech and language - this is the only area of concern I have and just paying closer attention to him for the last 24 hours i have noticed he does still order his words in sentence incorrectly. The sentence can be jumbled up.  We know what he means as hes our Matthew but would others? he still uses 'her said' etc, and I would probably expected this to have stopped by now - cute as it is though. and his R's are still not correct and they had told me that should sort itself in early Primary 1 and hes over half way through. I am going to self refer in the morning.

    Thank you for all your help today and your good wishes

    Lisa xx

  • If your son is happy and generally speaking of no cause for concern, it might be best to watch and see.

    I have Aspergers, which is the highest functioning form of autism, and I am not without feelings for other people. You could call this a form of empathy, in that I feel sadness when I see suffering and pain, but I cannot understand emotional states. If someone is crying, I feel uneasy and worried, but I don't feel an immediate connection, and my first impulse is to escape. I have never been that affectionate in an obvious way.

    I was far less empathetic as a child, and I used to annoy children and speak my mind without understanding that this was hurtful, and not really caring either. All that mattered was myself. I am rather different now, and have learnt that others have feelings too. So empathy was not instinctive for me; it developed far later  than the norm, and I still struggle with understanding feelings.

    Now, of course, people with Aspergers vary in how emotionally responsive they are. When diagnosing, they look at the whole picture, because empathy is so complicated. They pay particular attention to a particular type of empathy: Theory of mind, or the ability to put yourself in someone else's place.

    With regard to sensory over-stimulation, this is very common, even amongst those without autism. Most people on the spectrum have a degree of sensory difficulty, but this is not essential for diagnosis. I am only affected very mildly by this aspect of autism.

    I hope things work out well for you and Matthew, and we are always here if you want to ask anything.

  • Thanks Hope for your quick reply.

    yes he can make friends and keep them.  he doesnt dominate when playing and it is usually on other kids terms.  In a social setting if the boys get to rowdy you will find matthew playing with the girls.  He rough plays with his brother but not so much kids at school.

    Matthews main friends are girls hence why it was so important to go to that party as Keira is his sweetheart and they have a close bond.  The minute Matthew arrived all the girls were shouting after him.

    i wouldnt say he has socially difficulties at all nor his he egocentric although he does see himself as 'the good one' , he will understand others viewpoints. doesnt appear to have any learning difficulties at all, hes a bright wee cookie.

    so from the questions you have asked, and saying that a diagnoisis comes from poor social skills then  I would say no autism,  that it may be introversion and personality,

    I wouldnt have considered Autism for a moment if it hadnt been for that dad yesterday so perhaps - but then i read Azalea and see that she seems simillarly high functioning and am confused lol 

  • Hey Azalea,

    thanks for your response, the first thing I noticed about your reply was the socks.  Matthew will not be without socks, he wont take one pair off unless he has another pair right there!

    The fact that you are very empthatic, is very similar Matthew will cry real tears at stories.  Can I ask you said you wished the diagnosis was earlier but that you also at times did not feel like you fitted in as an aspie. what benefits do you feel your diagnois brings you?  I also wondered about Hopes questions did you have difficulty relating to other kids?

    thanks for all your help xx

     

  • Just a few questions to get some more information:

    Can he make, and crucially, keep friends? Does he try to dominate when playing around other children? Does he play with others, or more on his own terms? Does he take things literally? Is his play repetitive?

    A few things you mention could be signs of autism, such as being in his own world, babyish speech, sensory sensitivities, poor eye-contact, or they might just reflect his personality. Many kids are good at maths and jigsaws without having autism, and equally many autistic people struggle with maths.

    Playing on his own for long periods might just be a sign of introversion.

    Autism is diagnosed only when social difficulties are present, including egocentricity, problems understanding the viewpoint of others, and communication difficulties.

    It is also important to exclude other conditions like dyspraxia, learning difficulties, social phobias etc.