Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am in a long term realtionship married for over 10 years. Communication (mine) has always been as issue. I don't communicate much with my wife and have been through different therapies, first for a diagnosis of social anxiety, and a second for strategies in relationship communication. Both of these I felt helped but my wife doesn't think so.
She believes I have high functioning autism, and we have looked at some online quick assessments which would suggest this too, I am waiting for an assessment referral through my GP. However, things in our relationship have become increasingly strained during Covid, as we dont get time away from each other and so I struggle to find things to talk about.
I have been working on telling her more but often when I say something she feels I am saying something else and I am not explaining things well, Is this something that people with autism can relate to, and be a suggestion that I am on the spectrum.
I am struggling to find any help and advice, there is a lot for what other people can do to help someone with autism but I am struggling to find what I can do to help myself.
Can anyone relate or give advice?
Hi HappyRambling. I can really relate to your post. It could almost have been written by me. I've been married 10 years and have always had communication issues with my wife too. I struggle to say how I feel and often am accused of being a "people pleaser". Over the years I've had anxiety and sought CBT with the outcome that they thought I had a social phobia. It wasn't until my niece was diagnosed with autism that I started to recognise many symptoms within myself. I spoke to my GP, completed several questionnaires, had a telephone appointment with mental health services and am now on the waiting list for a proper autism assessment. A lot of the things you describe I have myself such as no eye contact. I also read situations wrong and can take things literally which causes problems particularly in a relationship. The best I can say is that you aren't alone and it's good that you have spoken to your GP. At least with a formal diagnosis you will have a better understanding of any issues. Take care.
Thanks James,
It does sound very similar to my experience. I feel I am a "people pleaser", rather than say I don't want or like something I will roll with it to avoid a conflict or argument. But I don't know if this is me being subservient or that the things that I go along with don't actually mean that much for me and I am happy to roll with.
There are things and times that if I am strongly against or disagree with, I will stand up and say that I disagree, and have concluded that I weigh up the different positions. If my wife strongly feels something is the best way then I go along with it, it is something she is passionate about and I am indifferent why would I not go with it.