Not sure what to do

Hello everyone, I've recently been told I may have asperger's, I'm 33 years old and have never thought about having autism and to be honest I never understood what autism actually meant until recently.

So my partner that I've been with for 10 years brought asperger's up not long ago and she said I think you may have it so I done research into it because I had no idea and it does make alot of sense.

I always thought it was everyone around me that was different since I was at a very young age, the things kids done and the way they socialise made me wonder why am I not like them, do I not talk enough? Do I talk weird? Kids always used to say I talked posh or proper compared to everyone else.

As an adult I just thought everyone's different and I just accepted that, I've always been pretty quiet and found it hard to get on with people unless they expressed an interest that I liked. I don't understand emotions I always thought that was caused by my depression and left it at that, I have learnt to help with people's feelings not because I understand their feelings but rather through experience with other interactions with other people in the past, I have no idea what they actually feel because I don't understand it.

I love crafting and I'm very creative, but I'm obsessive with my hobbies and forget about everything else and lose sense of time, my partner often reminds me how much time I've spent doing one thing, i do metal detecting and gold panning, I love looking at maps and researching areas to detect and also gold panning /geology, I collect rocks and minerals. I could spend all day everyday researching no problem which I can't since I have a family.

And yes lol I realise that all my interests are in life are solo which I prefer to be on my own.

I've always felt like an outsider looking in at other people's life's trying to understand why I'm not involved but I don't care at the same time like I didn't even want to be involved but wanted to be normal like everyone else to fit in.

Sorry haven't told anyone this not sure other people would understand.

I done the AQ test and scored 41/50 also

Thank you for reading, does this sound like I may have asperger's?

Hope you guys are having a good day. 

  • I've always liked the sounds and feeling I get when I'm in woodland.

    Me too - the peace and quiet - the calmness - the sound of the breeze in the branches and leaves - the animal sounds - heaven.

    My parents had zero interest in me as a child

    Me too - I'm a twin - he is 'normal' but was sickly as a child - they were too busy with him to bother with me - I was too difficult.

    Funnily enough, there's a good chance one of your parents is on the spectrum too - I'm 99% sure my mum was an undiagnosed aspie.

    Ive recently started a small business making jewellery from coins which is going great, I work along doing something I like.

    I'm glad you've found your niche in life - it's where we all need to be.    

    I did things the hard way - worked hard, got used and abused - right up until I was 4th on the org-chart in a huge multinational - but I couldn't take the politics and bullying.      They paid be a big lump of cash with a non-disclosure to go away - so I retired out.

  • Yeh I was too scared to let anyone know the real me for the fear of being bullied I loved gaming anime nature treasure hunting and I don't know why but I've always liked the sounds and feeling I get when I'm in woodland.

    My parents had zero interest in me as a child I was always quiet I'd get forgotten about because I didn't ever complain about anything. If I mentioned to them now about if I got diagnosed I don't think it would make much of a difference. It's mainly for my partner, she often thinks I'm ignorant and that I don't listen or care how she feels, she was watching a TV programme and noticed the many similarities between me and someone with asperger's.

    I think she's 100% right but don't feel like I can say for sure even though every test I take puts me up pretty high.

    I'm glad that you managed to get through school with friends that had similar interests, all I can say is that I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't went though what I did, wouldn't change it.

    As for work, Ive recently started a small business making jewellery from coins which is going great, I work along doing something I like.

    In the past with jobs I've always had job roles that are solidarity, such as working in the back of a supermarket warehouse or in a tree nursery picking orders of trees in a giant field on my own.

    It's crazy that I am 33 years old and just realising this.

    Thanks plastic 

  • I disliked especially English

    That's because you're into facts and reality - not made-up things.   I hated English - "write a story"   Eh?  You want me to make up a pack of convincing lies?     That's not how I'm programmed....

    I'm a total nerd - into all technology, models, Lego, Serious DIY,   

    I have a huge extrovert persona (my mask) so being loud and proud at school I attracted all the other aspie kids to me - all the closet model makers and model train enthusiasts - so I always had a large group of friends to do nerdy things with.      In a school of over 1000 kids, there's always going to be plenty of aspies hiding in the shadows.  Smiley

    If you're working and have health insurance, it may pay for a private diagnosis - it can be done in a few weeks.

    Your family will not really understand - they've known you forever so they already accept you with your 'quirks'.    Telling parents that they failed you is a bad idea - it's easier to just get your diagnosis and mention it later to them - they'll have difficulty accepting the produced a 'faulty' kid as it messes with their reality too much.

    If you have a load of friends, they either know or suspect or don't care - you're still the same person to them.   

    A diagnosis is useful in a work environment if things are getting tough - masking gets harder as we get older - it uses too much energy - so people might start to notice you - bullies and manipulators can spot an unmasked aspie a mile away.  Smiley      You can ask for adjustments to be made to your working environment to help you succeed.

  • Ps if I didn't have auto correct on my phone my spelling would be horrible haha 

  • That's exactly right, as a teen I got in with a crowd that would stick up for me and nobody would bully me which I was grateful for but they weren't really friends just a group I followed like a sheep. I actually missed alot of school, I was really good at science, math and craft and design, on my 3rd year at school I started truancy, I skipped all classes I disliked especially English, I've always struggled reading out loud or trying to read specific words and felt to embarrassed. 

    So yeh there was no one to notice a diagnosis because I wasn't there most of the time and when I was there I excelled in the classes I was in and was very quiet. 

    I heard it can take a long time to get a diagnosis but I feel like I need to commit to it for my family and others to understand me. 

    Some of my family call me ignorant because I don't answer them when they don't mentally feel good, they try to explain how they feel and I don't know what to say. I've always tried to work things out positively and logically. 

    Thank you for replying 

  • Welcome aboard!

    I totally get where you're coming from  - there seems to be an army of undiagnosed aspies out there - all quietly doing what they do -  being a good person, doing ok at work, married, kids, lots of niche hobbies etc.

    Unfortunately, when we are teenagers, we develop a mask that gets us through the social nightmare of school - we survive, the mask seems to protect us from bullies and social situations.   It means we often slip through without being noticed by the professionals so we get no diagnosis or support - we just 'manage'.

    Unfortunately, as life goes on, it get much more complicated and eventually, our mask cannot cover all bases so we start to realise just how different we are from everybody else - it's like being on a parallel rail-track that is diverging from the one everyone else is on.

    I'm an aspie - diagnosed in early 40s when life just seemed to be too complicated.