dissociation

I don't know if this experience falls into the category - I think it does and I've had a few of them. Probably them most memorable one was when the GP had the conversation with me about an autism assessment. 

I was receiving treatment for anxiety/depression at the time following a very long slow and deterioration in my mental health at work. We got on pretty well and he asked me to keep a mood diary for a week and bring it back to him. Which I did.;

He read the diary (my memory is a bit fuzzy at this point), turned to me and said something along the lines that sometimes it's difficult as a GP to get a full picture of a patient through symptoms that are presented within a few minutes. He said that reading the diary he had a better insight into me - and referenced some of my writing. He asked if he knew what I meant - and said that the next step would be an assessment. When he used the term disability I think it's then I started reeling.

The world moved into the background and it was like a light was being shone into my soul - and I recognised that he had an insight about me that I didn't have. Every awareness of what I thought  made me "me" disappeared and it was almost like I didn't know who I was anymore. I think I'd broached the subject of autism with him in other appointments so I'm not sure as to why I reacted the way I did. Part of it maybe, I think was his change of conversation style and tone after reading the diary, the other was it felt he was speaking directly into me - hard to explain. I'm so used to "surface level" conversation to get by, or discussions of my symptoms (read; feelings) as somehow separate from me that I'm not used to "direct" conversation - about who I am, thoughts, ideas - that kind of thing. I guess on some level I knew that something in me wasn't functioning the same as everyone else but I figured if I could do all the things everyone else did (study, get a job) then it didn't really matter. At that moment not only did I realise he'd seen something - he recognised that it was an issue - and that it did make me different that in that it needed some type of "intervention" (the assessment) beyond a self-help book or a boost of the meds. 

In other surroundings the experience might have been different. But in a doctors surgery I think it just heightened everything. I wasn't panicked. But I felt disconnected, with a very increased awareness and sense of living in a world that was whirling around me and that I suddenly felt I was lacking any sense of autonomy or power to affect it. 

It passed after a few hours. 

I don't know if this experience falls into the category - I think it does and I've had a few of them. Probably them most memorable one was when the GP had the conversation with me about an autism assessment. 

I was receiving treatment for anxiety/depression at the time following a very long slow and deterioration in my mental health at work. We got on pretty well and he asked me to keep a mood diary for a week and bring it back to him. Which I did.;

He read the diary (my memory is a bit fuzzy at this point), turned to me and said something along the lines that sometimes it's difficult as a GP to get a full picture of a patient through symptoms that are presented within a few minutes. He said that reading the diary he had a better insight into me - and referenced some of my writing. He asked if he knew what I meant - and said that the next step would be an assessment. When he used the term disability I think it's then I started reeling.

The world moved into the background and it was like a light was being shone into my soul - and I recognised that he had an insight about me that I didn't have. Every awareness of what I thought  made me "me" disappeared and it was almost like I didn't know who I was anymore. I think I'd broached the subject of autism with him in other appointments so I'm not sure as to why I reacted the way I did. Part of it maybe, I think was his change of conversation style and tone after reading the diary, the other was it felt he was speaking directly into me - hard to explain. I'm so used to "surface level" conversation to get by, or discussions of my symptoms (read; feelings) as somehow separate from me that I'm not used to "direct" conversation - about who I am, thoughts, ideas - that kind of thing. I guess on some level I knew that something in me wasn't functioning the same as everyone else but I figured if I could do all the things everyone else did (study, get a job) then it didn't really matter. At that moment not only did I realise he'd seen something - he recognised that it was an issue - and that it did make me different that in that it needed some type of "intervention" (the assessment) beyond a self-help book or a boost of the meds. 

In other surroundings the experience might have been different. But in a doctors surgery I think it just heightened everything. I wasn't panicked. But I felt disconnected, with a very increased awareness and sense of living in a world that was whirling around me and that I suddenly felt I was lacking any sense of autonomy or power to affect it. 

It passed after a few hours.