Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, my name is Beth and I have a teenage son with ASD, we have so many issues arising at the moment and I am struggling so much that my mental health is suffering, my son has so many issues include impacted bowel, behaviour and educational issues and because of covid there doesn't seem to be any support. Although he has always had asd our diagnosis only came recently and I am desperately in need of guidance and reassurance that I am doing right by him.
Apologies for the big whine but I don't really know what I'm doing any help and advice would be appreciated.
Is there a smell he likes that can mask other smells ?
Thank you both for your replies, we have a lot of issues arising at the moment but one of the main ones is sensory processing disorder, in particular smells or perceived smells, we have major meltdowns if we use the toilet and he is having a particularly sensitive moment, if we cough, he believes he can feel and smell the breath even if we are over the other side of the room, it's causing a lot of stress and pressure and we constantly feel like we are treading on eggshells in fear of making him uncomfortable and causing an aggressive meltdown.
Hi,
I wondered if I could help too. Do you do the following?
Provide a routine you can keep to even when some things in the day go wrong.
Give one or two warnings when something being enjoyed has to end about ten minutes and five minutes before it must.
Can he recognise and communicate basic emotions he is feeling, eg sad, angry, bored, frustrated, happy, ok. If not it is important that you find a way for you to teach him & him to be able to tell you this.
Do you avoid building expectation if there's a likelihood of disappointment. Expectation not being met can really derail some people.
What calms him? How much quiet and order is in his life? You need to reduce his frustration and what he is sensitive to and is causing him distress before you can think about opportunity and growth in his life.
Do you keep your hands still when you are communicating and think carefully about the words you choose? Try to avoid, he and it and use the actual names to avoid confusion.
The teenage years are the hardest years with or without ASD and support is never what you hope anyway. You must adapt because you are the one who can far more than he can. He needs understanding and a place that feels safe to him. I am sure you love him desperately, it's just a matter of effective communication and learning what he needs. Read all you can. You may feel like there's no end to this tunnel and you can't do it. I've felt like that a few times and I'm sure many people do in this pandemic. Things change and you can find your way through this ...it's just a very steep learning curve at a difficult point in history. Believe in yourself.
Hi Beth, is there any area in particular that's been a struggle? My daughter and I are AS and the biggest struggle for us, especially with lockdown, is having mental and physical breaks from each other and whatever the situation is that could trigger a meltdown on either side. You mentioned you feel your mental health is suffering, what helps me is taking a "brain break" for her or myself, where I'll send her into another room and she'll run on the spot for 30 seconds or do a few burpies (she's 7 so is probably more likely to engage with this than a teenager! But I wonder if there's an equivalent you could try?). What I find is that it refocuses the energy and gives us a second wind to complete whatever task- school work, chore etc- that needs to be done. Works 55% of the time.