Confused and scared

hi floss boss - I think this is the right place for you for however long you want it to be.  Scorpion + Easy's remarks are valid + can be taken into the overall picture.  Like any situation in life, there are a number of ways to look on things.  Yes, 1 step at a time is best. We can't do everything at once, whoever we are.  I'm pleased your son hasn't taken a negative attitude to his diagnosis + that you're proud of him, as you always have been.   I had a 2nd look at your original post at the top of this page.  Look how are you've come since you posted!

Thankyou scorpion0x17 your reply is much appreciated. I think I have alot to learn but I'm starting to realise that I need to take it one step at a time. Having told our son last night we are extremely proud of the way he handles things. And as a family we will learn amd support each other.

Don't feel this isn't the right place for you, Floss Boss. Easy is putting a very positive spin on things, and you shouldn't feel bad for having negative feelings about your son's diagnosis. Things will be hard for both him, you, and the rest of his family, at times. It's not all doom and gloom, but it's not all a bed of roses either.

Thankyou crystal12 and scorpion0x17 for your replies and positive information it's gratefully recieved. As any other concerned parent I'm sure you will appreciate the feelings I have been having as I want the best for our son and want to do the best thing. Joining this group took a lot of courage as I'm quite a private person, however your comment "Easy" has left me feeling that perhapes this is not the right place for me. As quoted in my first thread "our son is a wonderful" individual and I wouldn't change him for anything in the world, just want to support him best I can to lead a happy, fulfilled and independent life. Not once have I thought of him as inferior....

What a gloomy thread.

Its like Ian Thorpe's parents crying because he had big feet.

If he is described as HFA it means your grandchilren and their children will be more intelligent,

He is unlikley to waste time getting drunk with fools,

and he is more likley to excel at science, computing, and thinking in general.

The diagnosis means he will be able to understand himself and get good advice for life choices at an early age, it doesnt mean he is inferior.

Re: feelings of denial.

Yes, it's normal. It is part of the 'grief' process. 'Greif', whatever the cause, can be broken down into 5 stages: D.A.B.D.A - not everyone goes through all 5 stages, and not allways in that order, some get stuck on one, or go back and forth over any number of them, cycling round until something breaks them out of the cycle, but, anyway, D.A.B.D.A stands for:

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

Ideally one want to reach Acceptance quickly, but it's perfectly normal to experience any and all of the stages before that.

hi floss boss - you're making a great start.  I hope it goes well with your son tonight + also when you decide to go to the support group.   Remember to look after yourself too.

My circumstances are that I have an adult son with asd in supported living.  bw

Hi Crystal12 

Thankyou so much for your reply it was greatly appreciated, I will definitely take on board your advice. We plan to sit our son down tonight and talk to him and answer his questions best we can. I've looked into a local support group as well which I'm hoping to pluck up the courage to attend ( don't want to be a blubbering mess lol) I shall also be having a good look around this site and feeding off as much information as I can. Thankyou once again Crystal12, I don't know of your circumstances of being on here, however I wish you well.

hi floss boss - welcome.  There are lots of posts on this site from parents who, although as prepared as they can be for a diagnosis find that they more affected than they expected.   So have a look at those posts - it will help you to understand your feelings.  Can I say that it takes time to adjust?  You can't rush these emotions.  About feeling scared you're doing things wrong.  Please cut yourself a bit of slack - don't be so hard on yourself.  Emotions can run high.  About your unanswered questions.  Again, this is an excellent site to check things out.  It is also a great site for support from others who understand, so make use of it whenever you want.  I've read that HF autism is very similar to aspergers + that sometimes professionals find it difficult to distinguish.  Check what I'm saying, just in case I've misunderstood.  If it's v similar then you'll be better prepared when you explain things to your son..   It's good that the outreach team will go into the school.  They'll be looking at ways to help your son get the most out of his education, to see what support he may need etc.   If it were me, I'd like to see the paperwork 1st, before they go in so you cd give them a call + ask for further details about when they plan to go to the school + also get any clarification you may need from the paperwk.  I don't see any harm in letting the school know about your son's diagnosis, but I do think he needs to know before others do.  You can also ring the nas helpline.  I understand it can be busy but if you keep trying you will get thru.  There'll be other posters along soon who I'm sure will be of help.  I know everything seems to be happening at once after a long wait + that can bowl all of you over.  We understand, just give yourselves time.  bw